Hey everyone im getting married in December its going to be the cutiest little wedding ever, but im having issues with my fiance's mother. I want for her to be involved in our plans because we want her blessings and all, but she wants no part of it. Basically she doesnt like me. I want her to warm up to the idea that we are getting married and thats final, but i have no way on how to go about this situation. Ive known her for about 6 years now, and ther is no getting through to her. Please, does anyone have any suggestions on how to get her blessings, or atleast to have her show up in the wedding for her sons sake.There hasnt been much problems in the relationsip with me and my fiance. Its nothing i believe i did wrong, She just doesnt like the way i look and my race, and she hasnt told me openly about it but i have heard it from other people and my future husband to be.
2007-05-21 06:02:34 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Do not involve her in the planning. Just send her a save the date card and an invitation like everyone else. The most you can do is to ask her if there's anyone you may have forgotten to invite (a close friend of hers, any relatives, etc.)
She will choose to come or not. Most likely she will come in the end, but don't even ask her if she doesn't send the RSVP because she probably won't. Just assume she will be there, but do not ask her to do anything special such as read a scripture or poem, etc. Don't even ask her to wear any special color, just accept her as she comes, if she comes and thank her for being part of your day no matter what.
2007-05-21 06:36:06 · answer #1 · answered by Marianne D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do some people never change, I would have a talk with her, maybe she just needs to get to know you a bit better, tell her that you both want her to come to your wedding but if she is going to cause trouble on your big day then she isn't welcome. How about getting her involved with the planning? it would be one less thing for you to do and you might end up bonding with her. If you are having a hen night/bachelorette party invite her along and introduce her to your friends hopefully she will realize that you are a good person and how wrong she was about you.
If all else fails remember you are marrying her son not her and it's her loss. Good luck xx
2007-05-21 09:39:17 · answer #2 · answered by sooziebaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's been six years you can be fairly certain that the future MIL isn't going to change. Some people just aren't warm and fuzzy whatever their reasons or lack of them may be. Continue to be polite and cordial with her but don't expect what she is unable to offer . Such as help with the wedding planning or for her to warm up to the idea. I think its important for you and your future husband to have a frank discussion about how you'll deal with his Mom as a COUPLE. There'll be holiday parties and celebrations that he'll want to attend with you. If she's not openly hostile. It's pretty easy to be gracious for a few hours. I think I'd pass on week long vacations together. Where you'll spend holidays is often a big issue for new couples and it only gets more interesting if and when you have children. I hope she'll be kind enough to attend the wedding, she should be able to respect her son's choice of a wife. After all she raised him.. Good Luck
2007-05-21 06:26:05 · answer #3 · answered by lemonlimesherbet 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here's the thing - there's nothing YOU can do about this situation. You've been together 6 years and things haven't changed; they probably won't in the future. Do you really believe that she won't attend her son's wedding? Again, there's nothing that you can do. Her son can talk to her and ask her to come. I think it's a crying shame that she would even consider missing her son's wedding but that's on her, not you and not your fiance. My advice to you is that you should be polite to her, don't start arguments, but also don't take any crap from her. I've been married for over 13 years and I still hate my MIL and things are only slightly better than they were when we got married. I would also stop worrying about it, you've done more than you should to meet her half way. It's her turn now. good luck.
2007-05-21 06:16:53 · answer #4 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm guessing this is an interracial marriage based on your last statement and if you have been around for six years and she still doesn't like you then I'll say I'm really sorry but she probably won't even come around until the two of you decide to have kids. She could be like my mother who didn't warm up to my sister in law until right after my father died and my mother got to witness how much my SIL was doing for my brother. Even with that though the night before the wedding she was asking my brother if he was sure he wanted to marry "the white girl" and he sent my mother home to think about whether she wanted to come or not. Now things are fine but it took another year after they were married for them to get to this point now. Just continue to be good to her soon and when you are ready have babies. Everyone's happy now that babies are coming including her grandparents who acted much worse than my mother did about the whole getting married thing.
Oh she'll be at the wedding. She just may be grumpy during most of it.
2007-05-21 06:12:28 · answer #5 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really sad when a mother doesn't want anything to do with her son's wedding because she can't get past her own issues. Unfortunately, you can't force your mother-in-law to be to like you or to show up at her wedding, all you can do is be as nice as possible and reach out to her first in hopes that she responds. Have you thought about writing her a letter telling her how much you love her son and how well you are going to take care of him? That is really what a mother wants to hear is that her "baby" is going to be taken care of. Maybe if you show her your feeling, she will warm up a little and see that how she feels is not as important as how you and your fiance feel for each other.
2007-05-21 06:19:47 · answer #6 · answered by lucard100 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Im sorry to hear your mother in law is being a little shallow but, the only thing you can do is continue to be courteous and make sure she gets her invitation. It's not that she she doesn't care for her son, rather she just doesnt support his decision but, it's his to make and he's made it. Good for him seeing as he didn't let anyone even his family deter him from calling things off. Also, sometimes grandchildren do make the difference and sometimes they don't, so be ready for either result. You have a good husband and though he honors his family, put you first and that, is really all that matters............
"That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh." ---Genesis 2:24
Congratulations...... : )
2007-05-21 06:27:45 · answer #7 · answered by Hannibooboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to change her mind if she has been like this for 6 years chances are she wont change.
As long as you have support from your future husband and you are both sure this is what you want i would just go for it! HAVE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE and just know that she will never have a chance to see her son get married. Thats her bad not yours, make sure you send her an invitation but dont expect her to come just relax and dont worry about her.
Maybe have your future husband talk to her :)
2007-05-21 06:08:58 · answer #8 · answered by KT 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, my mother-in-law is still a control freak for the past 23 1/2 years of marriage to her son it has been battles, etc with her. First the very moment we were introduced we did not get along. Her way of raising children is completely different mine. For example. She is a smoker and has a problem when asked to go outside. She doesn't eat healthy foods; doesn't eat dinner at the same time, etc. Children need to have a stable life style and she lives the opposite. Now my mother is a controller as well but she will not contact me, nor deal with me since she cannot control me, family, etc. But I was raised right and raised our three children just fine. They are all teens now and we go thru what normal kids go thru and their advice I still do not take. They are different and to keep things simple. I have to continue to let them know that their advice I cannot not use but I do appreciate it. Example. My oldest just turned 19 years old, came down with a cold, nothing to be concerned about she goes on and on about how he needs to go to the hospital, etc. getting rude on the phone, I cut her off and said, he's ok, he'll be fine and I don't want to talk about it any further...end of conversation and she got off the phone. My mom, I have to let them know that my husband and I are fine, if we need you, we will call but do not come over unless you call first. Do not come over without calling. By the way, new borns need to bound with the mother (and your mother and mother in law) knows this. Your child will bound with whatever woman holds them the most. Continue to speak up but with great respect and they will have no choice but to leave you alone. Let them know that when you need them, you will call them. Do not allow your little one to spend a night until after their 1st birthday. It will be a battle but you are the parent. The medicines they may offer will work but you stay in con take with your baby's doctor and other mother's that seem to know what they are doing and in time you will get it. Parenting doesn't come with a manual so you will need to keep a tight schedule and make sure that you do not allow to let yourself go. Stay looking beautiful for your husband! How your in laws can help is cooking and cleaning for you. Give you the room to raise your child and time to take care of your husband.
2016-05-18 23:27:03 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is really nothing you can do to change her mined. It is something she will have to do on her own and hopefully in time she will come to realize that it's not about what she wants it's about what makes her son happy. Unfortunately that is not always the case and if she decides not to go to the wedding it is something I would think she would later on regret.
Since you will be marrying him regardless of how his mother feels about the two of you, you need to come to terms that this is how things are and this is how it may always be.
I wouldn't set any expectations for her to change all you really can do is, regardless of how she treats you, try to be respectful and love your soon to be husband. I know some people that have gone through the same thing and in time (ush. after they have kids, not to say having kids is the answer) there MIL start to realize that their children are adults and have there own life that they make their own decisions for.
I know it's hard but hang in there. Just know that she may never approve but you are marring him not her!
2007-05-21 06:25:31 · answer #10 · answered by flygrl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋