How do I sit down and teach my 3-year old daughter how not to talk or go with strangers?

Question

I want to begin now by telling my 3 year old (she just turned 3 in the beginning of this month) how not talk or go with strangers. She loves to talk to strangers in stores, etc. Although I know it's good to a point to not be too shy as a child it scares me that she may be too trustworthy of others.

I tend to use 'big' words and I am afraid I won't be able to tell her what I mean without confusing her.

Any advice?

Answer 1

Take parenting classes!

Answer 2

You can't really 'sit down' and teach a 3 year old anything. It is a hard thing to do, my son is 4 and this so far is the hardest thing I have had to attempt. I went to the daycare Director, and asked her to give me some advice. They do a 'stranger/danger' lesson at his school. So, we can identify a stranger as anyone who is not family. We know that we cannot go anywhere with someone who is not family, ie mom, dad, grandma. Unles it is a policeman. Now all the tricky stuff comes into play. I don't really have the answers, but you could go to the school, where kindergarten is taught, and ask them for materials. I know they are really big on visuals. That is what I'm doing, my son told me strangers were our friends we hadn't met yet! How do you deal with that?

Answer 3

It doesn't matter where you're at, I'm sure you can find a corner to stand his little butt in. If hes 4 then he should be there for 4 minutes, maybe get a watch w/ a timer on it and set it for 4 mins. tell him if he makes any noise that you'll reset the timer. Even if you get annoyed by taking the time to put him in time out, don't let him know it bc then he knows hes winning. Or instead of leaving where ever you are just take him to the car and tell him to go ahead and scream that you'll wait and he can go back in when hes ready to behave. You could also try a reward system for when he does behave like a candy bar or cheap toy, etc. Good Luck

Answer 4

I wouldn't "sit her down" and talk to her at this age. I would work it into daily conversation. While keeping a super close eye on her.

For example: While walking through a store talk about getting seperated. "who should you try to find if you can't find mama?" For my children it was always "another mama" but for some it might be a "store worker" or a "security guard." Then you can have a little chat about how these people might be helpful and how others might not be.

You can frame it, not as a fear that she should have of strangers, but as a way we stay sfe and stay together.

I always told my daughter it was fine to talk to others when mama is there, but if mama is lost you need to ONLY talk to someone who can help you find me (see above).

My daughter was a very chatty and outgoing preschooler. My son is terrified of all other people anyway so he won't be a problem ;-)

Answer 5

She HAS to talk to strangers, that's part of life. You need to teach her HOW to talk to strangers safely. The first rule being, NEVER without Mom, Dad or Grandparents (except police, firemen, and store clerks...see how tricky never gets). Encourage her to order her food at restaraunts and fast food joints and to strike up conversations with strangers. Teach her about keeping a respectful distance (out of grab's reach) and ask her about what she though of different people with whom she has spoken. As for going with strangers teach her that she is not to leave your side or anyplace you put her (again except with police and firemen). Focus the teaching on what she should do, not what she shouldn't. As for giving her the idea that people are lurking everywhere to snatch her, you can see why that's a bad idea. Just because she is friendly doesn't necessarily mean she is trusting. Talk with your daughter about her impressions of people and help her acknowledge and trust her instincts, she'll grow better for it. I have two very friendly little boys (4 and 2) and they will talk with just about anyone (except the Easter Bunny and Santa, go figure) but since they were little I have never let anyone give them anything, I take it and hand it to the children. They have literally never accepted a sticker or candy from anyone but family. Now, out of habit, they hold back and will not accept candy, stickers and toys offered. I try to work under the assumption that I want them to be confident adults, not obedient children and that even my husband was a stranger at one point. Keeping the focus on how to do it properly eliminates the problem of terrifying the little ones. I hope that helps, good luck.

Answer 6

i found a great program that comes with a dvd. It is called the safe side. It is created by John Walsh from Americas Most Wanted and the lady who created Baby Einstein. I am currently watching it with my 4 1/2 year old. i am not sure if it is for 3 year olds- but the website has great information on how to talk to your children about strangers without scaring them. the website is www.thesafeside.com.

Answer 7

For now just make sure you are always holding her hand, she shouldn't be alone anyway at her age, in public. At 3; no matter what you say a stranger would be able to lure her away, 3 is very young.

Answer 8

I began at age 2. I would not allow any of my children to walk up to any one without me or my wife. My oldest child, age 5. Now knows to ignore anyone not known, and not to open any door unless he knows for sure who is on the other side.

Answer 9

There is a Bernstein Bears book about strangers that is really good.
There are also videos available that you can look for.