My 18 year old daughter is dating a half white half mexican guy... Help!!..Im NOT racist.I let her hang out with all different kinds of people.I just dont want her to marry a different culture than her because she dont understand other racis...She is white and I think she should marry into her own culture because shes familiar with it.She told me she loves him.!!.What can I do to get her to understand that she belongs with a white man??
2007-05-21 05:21:30 · 77 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
With those guns... Headlock !!! Him not her !!!
2007-05-21 05:24:44 · answer #1 · answered by SnakeRider 1 · 1⤊ 14⤋
She is 18, and legally, she can do what she wants. What kind of relationship do you have with your daughter? For the next few months, try developing a closer bond with her. Take her (just her and not the boyfriend along) to the movies or take her out to a nice restaurant - - spend time talking and take an interest in her life and what her goals in life are. Be supportive and DO NOT mention who she is dating or what type of person you want her to marry. Let her know you are 100% in her corner and you'll always be there for her. That's all you can do. Don't disown her or put her down if she marries someone you don't approve of. Young people have to sometimes go their own way and make their own mistakes and no matter how much you'd like to prevent certain things from happening, at this point the best thing you can do is develop a close bond with her. Remember, don't give up and don't get angry with her about it. By doing so, you will just be pushing her further in that direction.
No matter who she marries, I hope it all goes well and she gets your blessing.
2007-05-21 05:34:33 · answer #2 · answered by TPhi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh Dear MOM! Slow down, and listen to this grandmother. You cannot change the way your daughter feels about this young man. The more you do, the more she will rebel. Just try and remember what you were like at her age. Now be honest!! My youngest has married a young man from El Salvador - who she had gone with since high school. His family are the most loving and generous people. Not much different in culture then Mexicans. And Please remember, Mexicans were here looooooooooong before us! They have a sophisticated society, that is bound in love of family and God! Period... something more of us should learn. With this young man's background he brings the best of both worlds into your family and your daughters life. Slow down, and let nature work. For all YOU know, HIS family may not want YOU!! and if they knew your objections, I wouldn't blame them. Back off or you will not only gain a son-in-law - you will loose your daughter and most importantly, the beautiful children - your grandchildren - she will make. Cut the strings mom, you've done your job - now let your daughter make her own life.
2007-05-21 05:34:32 · answer #3 · answered by peaches 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Not wanting your daughter to marry someone from a different culture is more or less one the the definitions of racism. Maybe she doesn't belong with a white man maybe she does, the color of skin just shows how close our ancestors lived to the sun.Who she belongs with should have nothing to do with his ancestors relationship to the sun. There a million different cultures for people who are white, and million cultures for the Asian, black, Hispanic etc. Being opened minded getting to know other cultures not only helps eliminate racism it also makes one more intelligent and they don't have to assume and generalize the people by their skin. If you want her to understand your thought process better, tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't agree .. you will have to accept it, she is 18 and has the legal right to choose to date anyone. The important thing is that she understands how you feel and you understand what she feels. Good luck
2007-05-21 05:32:40 · answer #4 · answered by maybe_I 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're very defensive when you say you're not racist, but you are just by not accepting different culture that she's dating. Cultures might not matter at some point, try getting to know the person there might be more of that person that you never see that's why you daughter likes him. Don't let the culture differences close your doors on that person, you'll never know he might be a wonderful person you can get to know even culture conflicts but same personality as the same culture as you are.
2007-05-21 05:26:49 · answer #5 · answered by C A M S ™ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you said it best. She doesnt understand any other culture than her own. She's intrigued to learn and explore other cultures and they may attract her more than her own. I dont think trying to get her to change to her own culture is the right path. Trying to understand why she chooses another culture than her own would be the route I would take. This allows both you and her to learn more about yoru surroundings and better understand today's world. I know you might not agree with the interracial dating scene but it is today's society unlike when you were growing up. You raised her to be open minded and allowed her to have a variety of friends. You cant limit her open mind by limiting her dating life. Best thing is to talk to her and understand her choices so you can better understand. Maybe you may change your mind and realize that things are as bad as you think. Maybe you wont change your mind. One thing that's definate is you'll never know unless you try. Start there and deviate as needed.
Best of luck to you, your daughter and the choices that are made.
2007-05-21 05:30:57 · answer #6 · answered by Cool Nerd At Your Service 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignorance is bliss isn't it? She's old enough to make her own life decisions and if it's love that this man provides then love is what will bring them through in times like these. With all the hatred in the world I have to wonder to myself why do we want to add to this? Isn't war enough? Isn't terrorism enough? Why do we have to include racism? The love, respect, honesty, loyalty and sincerity a man can bring to a woman far outweights his skin colour and background. In all due respect to you sir a daughter's happiness is what fathers around the world should be most concerned about, not the colour of a man's skin or what culture he grew up in. As a matter of fact, learning about new things in this life such as a new culture that one might not be acquainted with makes a person even more well-rounded and knowledgeable. Instead of holding back our children in ignorance give them the opportunity to learn and respect various cultures of the world. If he makes her happy and treats her right why are you trying to fight this? His inner character and his ability to tkae care of your daughter is what I'd be focusing on, not where he's from or his skin colour. You know you're making her un-happy that she does not have your blessing right? Think about her and her feelings and please don't be caught up in what your wishes for her is. It is what she wants. She is going to be living HER LIFE. You won't be living it for her. You can't make every decision for her then leave her to live with her daddy's decisions. She's the one that has to deal with it not you. She'll just be there living with daddy's decisions and then what? Who's really happy in their life? making any sense?
2007-05-21 05:37:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a. white isn't a culture, it's a race.
b. Mexican isn't a race, it's an ethnicity
c. the best way to understand other cultures is to experience them first hand. what better way then to date someone of a different culture.
d. if hes from the same country as her, they are technically the same culture.
e. I'm very glad my wifes parents lost their argument to MY wife that she should marry someone white. we have a lovely little girl, and i own a successful computer company, and my wife is going on for her doctorate in ethnography. so don't be to quick to judge on lineage. it has no bearing on person or personality.
2007-05-21 05:29:31 · answer #8 · answered by Walking_Jello 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I dont think theres much you can do. You can try dropping subtle hints about the whole cross-culture thing as a negative. She is now an adult and if you take him away from here, she will only rebel. I seriously doubt that she will marry him. All you can do is either drop hints or hav a chat with her (if u 2 are close) and tell her its important to you. But be sure to explain that the final decision lies with her... or else she may rebel
2007-05-21 05:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by Smartie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ooh! You just opened a BIG OL' can of worms!
Listen, your daughter is grown. She can date whoever she wants. If you love your daughter, you'll accept it. They are just dating right now, don't freak out! If she loves this man she will learn about his culture... and all that other mess that your using as excuses not to be racist. You can not change it! And by the way... YES you are racist. If you weren't this question would never have been asked.
2007-05-21 05:27:47 · answer #10 · answered by Small Town Gal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious??? Look man, she is 18 and can make her own decision. And what is white culture anyway? White is huge race category. Be colorblind and also realize that at 18 she probably won't marry the guy. Ha, maybe she is going out with him just to make you upset.
2007-05-21 05:25:56 · answer #11 · answered by realist31c 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋