Who should give me away at my wedding?

Question

My biological father was and is not the best father. I'm not sure he deserves the right to give me away. I have a step-father who is okay most of the time but we're not very close. He married my mom after I was grown and out of the house. The other options I am considering are having my mom do the honors, or my 15 year old brother, both of whom I adore. Or... no one. Walking down the aisle independently. What do you think? thanks

I want to avoid hurting as many people as possible. I think my dad is expecting that he will do it and if someone else walks me down the aisle he might feel dejected or angry. :-/

Also, what do you think about having my brother stand with me on the bride's side? Both of my sisters are bridesmaids and the groom's side will definitely be crowded already. I'm not sure how widely it is accepted.

ps- I'm almost 26

Answer 1

I know how you feel - my bio father is around but has never been great; I love my stepdad but he's only been around about five years, and my mother is the one who raised me and made me who I am. You do have to be sensitive because this is a very touchy issue - unless your dad is a total jerk who treated you like crap, I think the best would be to have your mom AND biological dad walk you down the aisle - that way you're paying respect to your dad, but your mom who's really important to you is there with you too. Especially if your dad is helping pay for the wedding at all, I think he should be able to be a part of the tradition of walking down the aisle. Good luck!

Answer 2

I say your mom has definitely earned the honor, but it would be almost as nice for your brother. Think about it for a little while and close your eyes and see who you visualize walking you down the aisle. Your biological father may "expect" to be the one to walk you down the aisle but if he hasn't earned the honor like your mother has you just need to be honest with him (you both are adults now) and tell him that your mom has been there for you thru thick and think and ever supportive and you feel she deserves this honor.
Even if the grooms side will be crowded I don't think it will look appropriate for your brother to stand on the bridesmaids side. Either choose another bridesmaid for him to equal out with or see if you can find another role for him to play in your wedding. Good luck to you and God Bless your marriage.

Answer 3

Why do you think your father hasn't been and isn't being the best father he can be?Being a dad can be hard,I know because I'm one myself.I've had my ups and downs with my kids,there have been days where I've loved them and days where I just wanted to hide in the closet until they found something else to do(just kidding here,but I hope you get my point).The thing is,it would break my heart worse than anything if I wasn't the one to walk my little girl down the aisle at her wedding.Yeah,my daughter is only 1yrs old,and I know that day is a long ways off,but I still look forward to it with all my heart.I know I'll cry and I'll be sad and miss her,but I would be more sad if I couldn't do that for her on her special day.So even if your dad isn't the greatest,give the guy a shot.Who knows,you relationship with him might improve if you do.I don't know your past with him,and I don't know what happened between you two,so I can't take that into consideration,but you can.i hope thing work out for you and congratulations on your big day:)

Answer 4

As a dad myself, I can understand how important it is to give your daughter away at her wedding, but this is YOUR decision. If your dad hasn't been much of a dad, then he doesn't deserve the honor. It sounds to me like your mom acted as both your mom and dad to you during the time in your life when you needed both. I see no issue at all with asking your mom to give you away. If you choose to go this way, I would advise you explain your decision to your dad and stepdad, or you will create resentment that won't go away.

As far as your brother goes, he really doesn't belong on the brides side. If can't get the groom to include him, then find some other role he can play in the ceremony.

Answer 5

I think that if your dad (biological) is helping pay for the wedding then he should walk down the aisle with you and your mom. However if he isn't then just have your mom walk you down the aisle.
Personally if I was in your situation i would walk down the aisle myself that way no ones feelings get hurt because you had someone else walk you down the aisle.

Answer 6

I think you should have your mom and dad walk you down the aisle and save a place for your brother as a Groomsman, first place by the Best Man. Although your dad wasn't/isn't the best father, there's still time for him to change.

The best you could hope for is a wake up call when he gives your hand to your fiance. Hopefully, he'll well up and kick himself in the butt for missing out on such a wonderful place in his little girl's life and realize there's still a place for him.

By the way, congratulations and best wishes.

Answer 7

My answer would be dependent on how old you are. If you've not been out of the house for a while, I suggest having both your mom and your brother do it -- one on each side.

If you've been on your own for a while, or if you already live with your fiance, then, girl, walk down the aisle yourself, alone -- no one has to "give" you away. You are a grown woman making the decision to marry this man all on your own. :-)

Answer 8

Depending on the situation with dad, I would let him being he is still living. You may as years go by wish that you would have had him do this. If this is your first wedding, I would use dad,but if you've been married before, and dad gave you away at your first wedding-- then maybe you should use the brother. Too me life is too short and I would want those memories later in life. If you choose not to use dad then I would surely use your brother.
Good Luck and best wishes to you.
God Bless!

Answer 9

Girl, this is your wedding. If you want your brother to walk you down the aisle, then your Dad is just going to have to deal with that. There is nothing wrong with it. But if you don't mind walking alone, then do that. There is nothing wrong with being an independent woman either.

Answer 10

Either your mom or fly solo. As much as your father may have hurt you and not been there, you don't want to step on toes by having another male such as your brother. (I don't know how much of a problem this would be for you...but just in case)

I think your mother would be honored and it really shows how you appreciate how she has raised you and showed you how to be in a loving relationship.

If you fly solo then it is an experience you'll never forget. When you walk alone it says that YOU are giving yourself to him and you alone have made this choice, not your father or mother.

good luck!