What would you do?

Question

Hi Everyone, I'm a mom of a 4.5 year old little girl. She attends a Preschool/Prepatory Academy at our local church. This past Friday was a formal Father/Daughter Dance called the Swan Ball (all ages, church fundraiser). The tickets were $45. My daughter was excited because she was dressed up like a little princess. Of coarse I went in just to take pictures and then left so that dad could have the night with his daughter. Before I left I noticed at least a 100 gift bags on the stage for the daughters. I thought to myself, how wonderful! They are going to have a great night. Well, a little while later they come home and my daughter was in tears. These gifts where door prizes! My daughters name wasn't called for a gift. All the little girls at her table got one and at the next table, a dad w/ 4 daughters all had gifts. My daughter didn't understand and felt excluded and not liked. She's 4.5 yrs! She cried herself to sleep in my arms. Would you complain to the church?

I wanted to add that she wasn't the only one excluded. On the invitation, it says, "Give her a night to remember!" Granted she's almost 5 years old, but to exclude little girls when you give out over 100 gift bags just seems wrong to me. It was a night for fun, not a life lesson! They had a list of all the little girls that where coming. I believe they should of had a gift for all of them, not just 100 or so. No parent wants to see their baby hurt. Would you be upset about this and complain to the church?

Answer 1

I would talk to the church as a concerned parent who has to handle a child being left out, but I wouldn't be too pushy. You just never know what was planned.

While it's poor planning, talk to them like a mature adult (which is hard to do when your child is hurt in some way).

Answer 2

I would set a appointment to talk with all involved with the Father Daughter Dance and find a way to not let this happen again. I have gone to those kids of Functions before with my father at our Church (when I was a kid) and they had best dressed fathers and daughters kind of like king and Queen prizes. I felt like I was not good enough at all for years and tried to make myself better dresses over the years and found I really never had to show off like that tell i was a teen. I think that if there are prizes of any kind that has to do with any child that isn't old enough to understand what kind of prize it's for should be shown as equals so there is fairness all around. Maybe next year you can help gather enough money to get all the little girls a prize that is for both Father and Daughter to share together like a travel game.

I think talking is best when it comes to the Church rather then complaining about what happened. You may even be able to get some of the other parents in on this as well so that you have more then just you wanting this change. It might help out having more then you in this kind of matter.

Answer 3

If I were in your shoes in a case like that I would complain obviuosly whoever planned the event did not have a little girl and they did not take into consideration the feelings of a child who would not understand such a thing as a door prize
and for that matter the fact that she didnt get a gift

any time you deal with children you have to treat them all as equals if a child gets a peice of candy more or a sticker for that matter a litttle girl is going to be jeleous

im not sure what the school will do but if you complain maybe the next time they will remember and take the feelings of all girls into consideration when planning the event next time

I am a mother of a 3 year old and a seven year old and if i buy one something i buy them both something i also am a girlscout leader and i always try to give all girls a prize so that we dont run into those kinds of situations

Answer 4

I had a similar thing happen when my youngest was around the same age. I understand first hand that no matter what you or your husband said to her she didn't care. All she knew was that the other kids got one and she didn't. Trust me. In another year or two she will understand. But, even though she'll 'understand', she'll remember it for a long time - my little guy brought it up from time to time. As for the Church I would pull someone off to the side and just tell them what happened. One idea may be to have special bags for ALL the little ones that may have trouble understanding the concept of a door prize. It worked the following year for us. And if it is any consolation to you and your husband, I'm 38 years old still get a little upset if I don't win a cool door prize at an event - smile - j

Answer 5

I would absolutely complain to the church. You pay 45 dollars for a ticket at least they could have gave her a gift bag. Especially when they are so young they dont understand why they didn't get one. I would tell the church how your daughter felt and how you feel too!

And the next time they plan on doing something like that they need to have a gift for all the kids that attend.

Answer 6

Absolutely speak to the church. It is hard enough to explain "fair" or "unfair" to a 4 1/2 year old. AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN PUT IN THAT POSITION. Tell the church if there was not enough for everyone than it was in poor taste to leave children out and that they need to explain that to your child. Why do we always have to pick up after adults when there behavior effects our children? (I have 4.5 year old twin girls and a 16 year old boy.)

Little story--When my son was 7, we paid to get an autograph from a professional hockey player who was 1 hour late and then rude and igonored us--even when we stood right in front of him for his signature. My son was heart broken to not even be asknowledged--We walked out and he said how rude the player was and now he didn't want to play hockey (kids are very perseptive). Guess what I did? Wrote a letter to his BOSS - Mike Illich of the Detroit Red Wings. Within a week the player was AT MY OFFICE with an apology and a signed hockey stick. My son now plays basketball.

These are lessons that are forced on our kids and we have to explain the behavior of another "adult" to a child.

Good luck--stand up for her!

Answer 7

I wouldn't call it complaining, but I would bring it to their attention. They probably are not aware of what a problem it would cause and should be told so that they can reconsider it next time. I also would not ask for one now...that would just be silly this late in the game. I'm sure she told you all about the bag and it's contents....what I would do is try to go out and buy her very similar types of things...extra girly if you can find them....get an even more amazing bag and have your husband give it to her as a special gift for his little girl.

Answer 8

Not nessecarly complain but they should be aware for future events that "EVERYONE" needs to go home with something. I have been through this many times with both my daughters, someone wins but not everyone. Mine are 9 and 6 there have even been times where my oldest one and my youngest didn't. I use these time to teach them valuable lessons that you can't always get what you want, and life isn't fair. They now understand although sometimes a little teary eyed.

As a parent we want to fix it don't we, we want to make them smile and go out and buy them one so they are happy. But we can't. She will get over it.

I would suggest saying to the church for their next event that everyone should get a door prize no matter how small and when dealing with that small of an age group do not draw names for bigger prizes. Older kids yes, under age 9 I would say no.

Answer 9

No, children have to learn earily that they won't get everything that they want. I have a little boy and they had a drawing after a summer reading program was over and he didn't win. I told him well, maybe next time because not everyone can win a prize, we were lucky to have the chance to win. Then I took him to do something that he liked, so he could feel special too. They have to learn to be good losers as well as good winners.

Answer 10

Yes, I would contact them. At that age,especially, they should have had enough to make sure every little girl left with one. Afterall, they did sell tickets so they should have had an idea of the attendance rate.