My 23 yr old brother is marrying a girl who he has dated for 7 years. She has never liked me, and is my same age and we have went to school together our whole life. I am 22, and then I have a younger brother who is 20. I am very close to my mom, however, now that this new girl is going to become part of the family, my mom does everything with her and lives her life of the dream of owning every coach and dooney purse, like the future sister in law does. I am getting married in Sept07, and asked her to be a bridesmaid, because she will be family and that is the thing to do. Her wedding is in June08, and she did not ask me to be in the wedding. I am the only sister to my brothers. She is an only child. Is it wrong she did not ask me? Even worse, her and my brother asked my exbf to be a groomsmen in their wedding, but did not ask my future husband to be one---and he will be the new brother in law to my brothers. I think this is all sick! Am I just the crazy one for feeling that way?
2007-05-21 03:08:47 · 14 answers · asked by JJ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
as a wedding planner and coordinator and personal experience in the same area here is my advice.
#1 my advice as a professional.
your not crazy. there are no guidelines as to whom should and shouldn't be in the wedding party. siblings do not have to be in your bridal party. the bridal party is acutally made up of people who you can trust and love to help you with different errands from the engagement through the wedding. if they didnt ask you or your fiance its okay. be the bigger person and smile. i know its hard but some people have to see that what they do doesnt affect you. basically kill them with kindness. and its okay to feel hurt for a moment.
#2 my advice from experience.
my brother was engaged over 5 years ago to a girl that i did not like. this girl was not an only child but she was selfish and a gold digger. the first day that he introduced her i took one look at her and felt a very bad vibe. and believe me i made it known. my brother was 20 at the time and she was 17. i was 22 with two children and she tried to tell me how to deal with my kids. my brother bought her a truck and then they sold that truck and got her a new car. my brother also got her a nextel phone. my brother was building his house and she was picking out the most expensive windows and doors and decor. not that my brother coudlnt afford it but he is of simple taste. out of everything he did for her she gave nothing back. when he was sick with the flu instead of cheering him up or being a good fiance she was out drinking it up and dancing at the local club. about 6 months before the wedding things got really bad and my brother finally broke up with her. i'm not saying this will happen for you. but i would say you need to tlak to your brother ... alone. and she needs to respect that request. as a sister regardless if your the only one you have a right to have that time with your brother. you need to voice what your feelings are and that your concerned about his future. make sure you are really looking out for his best interest. i think you also might feel like your space is being taken up. you also need to realize that you are no longer going ot be the only girl in the family and i think that is what is bothering you the most. you are haivng to share this sister/daughter space with someone and your uncomfortable with it. and that is okay. try and find something you both ahve in common and see if you can use that as a time to bond. if she backs out then you've been the bigger person and tried. my brothers ex-fiance wanted to have my son aas the ring bearer and i said no because the wedding isnt going to happen. but before that she left me and my other sister out of her wedding all together. i come from a family that is tight so being left out hurt us really badly. my brother was tooo blinded by her to see what it was doing to us. once we got him alone and he saw how hurt we were is eyes started to open.
so my over all advice is
#1 TALK TO THE BROTHER
#2 its okay to feel hurt and disgusted for a moment but let it go
#3 if the wedding isn't meant to be it wont happen
#4 they may get married but that doenst mean it will work out in the end.
#5 be the bigger and smile :)
2007-05-21 03:38:39 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it's not crazy! I would feel a little weird about your ex bf being in the wedding. Your future husband does not have to be in the wedding, and neither do you, but your brother should respect you enough not to have your ex as a groomsmen. Just b/c you asked her to be in your wedding does not mean she has to ask you to be in hers, but your brother should want you in the wedding as his only sister. You've got a tough one on your hands. Be the bigger person and allow her to be your bridesmaid. Maybe things will change by the time her wedding comes around. As far as your mom goes, theres no need to be jealous about her relationship with your future sister in law. Spend time with your mom alone and do the things that you like to do together and, your sister in law can never replace you.
2007-05-21 03:16:29 · answer #2 · answered by Lil Mama 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do NOT think you are crazy at all and I can see how you'd be upset about this. ((For example, I'm currently in a situation. My fiance's mom is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend, and they broke up two years ago. She likes me, but not as much as his ex because the two have known each other for at least 5-6 years more than me)) You should talk to your mom about your future sister in law being so close to your family. It seems like she's barging on on things. I think it's rude that your brother + her did not ask you + your fiance to be in the wedding party. You should ask other ladies to be in your wedding party, and tell her no if she says she wants to be in your wedding.
2007-05-21 03:13:51 · answer #3 · answered by danielle b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but...you are the crazy one. First off, don't be upset that your mother is trying to bond with her new daughter-in-law, and may even be adopting some aspects of her fashion sense...does that really matter that much? And, it was sweet of you to ask her to be a bridesmaid at your upcoming wedding, but that in no way obligates her to have you as one in hers. The wedding party (bridesmaids, groomsmen etc.) is supposed to be comprised of people the bride and groom feel closest to....perhaps your brother has a stronger bond with your ex bf than he does with your fiance...and maybe it was important to her to have her closest friends as her bridesmaids. Either way, it's HER wedding and ultimately HER decision. Stop taking all of these little things personally and focus on trying to build a stronger relationship with your new sister.
2007-05-21 03:21:33 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest calling your brother and explaining to him that the reason you moved your wedding to January was because you didn't want people to have to attend 2 weddings in the summer, since he said he was getting married in the summer. Hopefully then he'll understand the reasoning and set a date for the summer still. Good luck!
2016-05-18 22:21:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would she ask you to be in her wedding if you aren't close? Too many people stick their noses into things that are none of their business. He is your brother and no matter who he chooses, you should respect them and him and get over yourself. You are not her friend, you are her sister in law to be and just leave it at that and show your character when she is around and maybe you will get along because one thing is for sure, he is marrying her and you can end up losing him very quickly as she is the one giving him the food girl that keeps us men smiling
2007-05-21 03:14:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's their wedding to arrange, and their attendants to pick. Brides have to walk a narrow path between making their wedding exactly the memory they want to cherish, and making everyone around them happy. Quite honestly, their wishes about who attends them are more important than yours, as awkward as you think the situation is.
Let your mother know that you're feeling a bit left out in how she's gone all a-tizzy over your new sister in law. There's some jealousy in all of your reactions to things right now, so try to come to grips with that yourself, before it damages family inter-relationships.
2007-05-21 03:13:23 · answer #7 · answered by Jarien 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, because she is in your wedding it does not mean you have to be in hers, BUT it is strange that she did not ask you since you are going to be her family!!! Have you talked to your brother about this?
Are your brother and his fiance friends with your ex? Does your brother not like your husband to be?
What does your mom say to all of this?
2007-05-21 03:35:43 · answer #8 · answered by Her 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's her wedding and her choice who she has as bridesmaid, you were the bigger person and tried to make her feel part of the family by asking her to be in your bridal party, just swallow this and realise that you are the adult here, and the more mature person.
2007-05-21 21:43:17 · answer #9 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While it's nice to ask family and future family to be in the wedding party, no one is obligated to ask them. I'd try to move past it and concentrate on your own happiness.
2007-05-21 03:13:10 · answer #10 · answered by They call me ... Trixie. 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋