I have been married for 10 years this year. We just bought a house, so money is kinda tight right now. Today is my birthday, & my husband informed me he didn't even buy me a card!! But, I found out that he took $70. out of our account on Friday. When I asked him about it, he said he went to the club & spent it. He also confessed that he had won $45. on Friday, but spent that also!!! The sad thing is he does this just about every year!! I ALWAYS make sure he has a nice birthday, why should I get ripped off?? Is this childish, or do I have a right to be mad??
2007-05-21 00:58:50 · 26 answers · asked by tracy1051 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
A gift is not something we should demand. However your husband sounds extremely self centered and that would concern me. You need to ask him why he is entitled to dip into the account and go have fun and you are left with nothing. Dont even mention the birthday because thats not what it s about. Its about him feeling he is entitled and leaving you out of the fun.
2007-05-21 01:10:39 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whew. Well, yeah, you are right to be angry. Just be sure you're mad for the right reasons. This situation shows that you have a problem that goes beyond a nice card and a few rounds of "Happy birthday to you."
Knowing your birthday was coming, and knowing it was important to you, your husband (supposed to be partner, friend, lover) decided that a good use of $115 out of your tight budget would be to go clubbing. Now, it's important for any budget, no matter how tight, to include a bit of money each partner can spend as he or she wants, but...
First off, he "won" $45? On what? See, if he's gambling on your tight budget, understand that he loses much more than he wins - that's how gambling works. Okay if it's no more than his allotted $45 (or $5 or $100 or whatever you decide together) that he loses. Not okay if it's money you can't afford.
Next, he chose to spend all of his available money on him, despite the fact that your birthday was coming. He could have taken you to the club with him and spent half on you, but he didn't. He married you, so he knows that your birthday matters to you and you would feel dismissed and ignored.
So it's time to ask yourself how the rest of the relationship is. Is this truly unusual, or are you not feeling loved/valued in other ways/areas as well?
Having figured this out, you sit him down and you explain what the problem is. If you aren't feeling loved/valued, then you both have a problem. Together, you figure out what to do about it (and "you learn to live with it" isn't an answer).
2007-05-21 01:19:11 · answer #2 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your hubby does not exactly feel the same about birthdays as you do. Just is. Now if this type behavior spills over into other realms of your relationship take head. Anger is a wasted emotion and gets in the way of seeing your situation clearly. Obviously your birthday means a lot to you. Be sure the meaning of this another year down is for the right reason. Frankly my birthday is a day I stop and evaluate my prior year of life. This requires no gift giving or acknowledgment by another. It is my day for assessment and making adjustments if I am so inclined. I give personal thanks for being alive and reinvigorate myself for another year. Nothing is expected from others. They cannot help me with my meaning. Only I can. And only I do.
2007-05-21 03:10:33 · answer #3 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy Birthday :=)
Yes, you have a right to be mad - even if money is tight, Some flowers or even a card would've been nice, and since you always make an effort for him, you have every right to expect at least some acknowledgment of your special day.
He is being incredibly selfish.
2007-05-21 01:04:19 · answer #4 · answered by Kella G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Try to enjoy your day even though it's obvious your husband is being a complete asshole. You need to confront him about all these money troubles. It's so wrong that he would spend money on himself and not even get you a card or anything for your freaking birthday. And I believe you that you make his birthdays good. So tell him that you don't appreciate what he's been doing, and then take it from there. Good luck with him...
2007-05-21 01:16:22 · answer #5 · answered by ♥KP♥MH♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband should have acknowledged your birthday which is a once a year occurrence. A lot of ladies/wives love to be remembered and have their spouses do something for them. Darn if I forgot my wife's birthday. Anyway, to your question, please tell him why he isn't celebrating? He did remember but doesn't want to do anything or celebrate. I wouldn't put a lot of measure on getting a card or flowers, but a dinner would be nice to compliment you and you have done likewise for him. Sounds like the person who cares more about himself. Tell him you're not going to put up with nonsense in the future and moan the whole night!
2007-05-21 01:31:03 · answer #6 · answered by Ken 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have every right to be mad and hurt also! You should talk with him about how this makes you feel. He sounds like a VERY selfish! If it we're me on his next b-day I'd go buy me something nice and not get him a thing... tell him you decided since he spent money on his self instead of you when it was your b-day you decided to buy yourself something for his. See how it likes that!
2007-05-21 01:11:08 · answer #7 · answered by Misty Lane 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have every right to be mad. The thing is if you keep putting up with it, it's never gonna change. Basically if you dont like it then go for the door, it hasn't changed in ten years and it never will. I dont want to suggest to you to leave your husband of ten years but if you want a present on your birthday he's not the one who will be giving you one.
2007-05-21 01:03:48 · answer #8 · answered by juniper555 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be angry, loving, and forgiving.
You say the money is tight, but take seventy dollars out of the
account. Spend it on having a special Dinner on a meal you
have been craving for a long time, with desert of course. and find a nice movie you would like to see, and go for it.
When asked about the money. Tell him thanks for a wonderful
Birthday, and forgive each other. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. =)
2007-05-21 01:16:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're darn right to be angry! He sounds like a selfish prick, to me. I used to make sure my husband had a nice birthday too, and it made no difference what I did, I never got anything from him. I stopped getting him gifts years ago. In fact, we have separate accounts and we split the bills. We've been married 21 years.
Does your husband do anything at all for you? At least I get taken out to dinner.
2007-05-21 01:05:09 · answer #10 · answered by spyboylover 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋