How can I stop hating people and especially myself??

Question

It's afecting my family , my wife and son are getting the main brunt of my hate.

Answer 1

take antidepressants

Answer 2

First off, realize that HATE is a powerful, dangerous emotion. It needs to be understood as a weapon. It supercharges anger. Don't use hate for small stuff. It's like using a tree shredder as a mouse trap. Big ticket items are when you use hate, defending the family. Not disciplining the family. It's up to you to protect your family from you. Learn many ways to problem solve. You'll need some guidance for this, and a few books. Trust what you read about how destructive an outburst of violent hatred is on all living things. You must be secure in the idea that when you need it , you have it, it's not going away. So this leaves you open to new ideas on how to show displeasure without torturing the household. Lots of ways to problem solve. Try a lot of them, get inventive. Use your sense of humor. Get a few heroes, and do what they have done. Role models that you like, Gordon Liddy fer instance. See how he handles big problems and small. Look around. As you learn, you'll need a counselor of some kind, somebody you trust. It maybe a little difficult to find the right one, but do look. Start with the yellow pages, or your company physician. Good luck.

Answer 3

I may be jumping the gun here (your question is a wee bit too brief!) but are you maybe feeling a down coz life isn't going strictly to plan?

In an ideal world, I'd suggest a break, away from your wife & son. Including the possibly of accessing some form of free counselling from your local version of Childline (I may be wrong, but I don't think they're just for kids!) - even if they are unable to help you, they are in a much better position to direct you to somewhere where you can get help, before these stresses cause your relationship to fail entirely.

It may well be a confidence thing and counselling could help you with that. Striking out at those you love only leads to heartache later. Look at them, the fact that your wife is still there means she loves you and wants to support you through this.

That you have been brave enough to ask this question shows that you know you need help.

Take it one step at a time

Answer 4

You have got to learn to communicate and express yourself in a positive way, througha hobby or by talking. It's different for everyone but you have taken the first step already by admitting this. Talk to your wife and try to tell her what you're feeling, or go beat the hell out of a squash ball with a racket or kick a ball around. I like to sit and scream at the top of my lungs sometimes, but my family are used to that lol. Some men do find this hard but having a bloody good cry does wonders too! It's all about releasing the energy that has built up. Good luck,x

Answer 5

I think that you really need to see a good counselor to help you sort this out. We feel the emotion, anger, whenever we believe that someone either has or will do something to harm us. This emotion is neither good nor bad by itself but it always carries a sense of blame with it.

You probably have heard of the "flight or fight reflex" that we all have that is built into us to keep us safe from danger. The feeling of anger is part of that.

One of the problems that we humans tend to have with the emotion, anger, is that we don't know how to deal with situations that are associated with feeling anger. Either, after the situation is over we don't know how to release the anger so that the feeling doesn't stay with us, or, we don't deal with the situation so that it is really over and so the feeling stays with us.

When anger from either many different situations or 1 situation that keeps happening over and over, builds up until we can't hold any more; we feel the emotion of "hate" and the anger or hatred comes out in ways that we don't like and the people around us don't like either.

It seems from my experience and from books I have read, that the best way to deal with issues that we feel anger about, is to tell the person involved, "I felt angry when you did that." and then either get an adequate explanation or make sure the issue doesn't come up again.

Sometimes we have had traumatic things that have happened to us when we were young and we have so much anger and rage carried in our memories that it still affects us.

There are more possible reasons for the "hate" that you feel and that is why I feel that you need to see someone who has knowledge and experience in treating this kind of issue to see you on a 1 to 1 basis and help you sort this out.

One thing for sure; you are not having this problem because you are a bad, weak, or defective person. Dealing with our emotions is something that we have to learn how to do and is not easy. Unless we had parents that could teach us everything we needed to know about anger (mine sure didn't) we have to learn about it later when we see the need arise.

My best wishes for you. Oh yes. Medications can be helpful in reducing the intensity of the anger/hatred untill those emotions can be dealt with without it.

Answer 6

Hate is a very strong emotion, you have made the first step by admitting that you have a problem you must now try and work out why the fact that you hate people and yourself finding out why you hate people is easy really basically people are hard to work out but you urself only know what you feel inside and the reasons for them. The saying that you only hurt the ones that you love... that might be what you are doing with your family, You sound like you really have a lot going on and need to talk to someone, you should see your gp, he could refer you to a specialist who deal in the way you are feeling, But who are you really angry at???
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and find it really hard to like myself, infact iv put my family through hell and back but i dont mean to, i love them to bits and can say that if it wasn't for them i wouldn't be here, there has been a lot of events that have caused my hatred for myself, the person who i hate the most in my life is me but one day i know that i will love myself again. i am having therapy at the moment and its hard but with the support of people i know i will get better as im sure one day that you will be able to love yourself again.
i really hope you get there good luck x

Answer 7

Do whatever it takes. It sounds like its hell for you and those around you. Whether its your GP, counselling, religion, or whatever, dont continue living this hell. I suspect that your hatred for others is a reflection of your self hatred or depression. Work on you and learning to like and appreciate yourself. Doing better by others may help to improve your self esteem. One place to start is to apologise to your family for the way you have been. Do better by yourself too. When you notice your inner critic (self hatred) talking tell it to shut the f&%* up. Its talking crap. I dont know why you hate yourself but I bet its unwarranted even if you have done things your not proud of. Everyone has. Be kind to yourself and get some help.

Answer 8

“In your interaction with people and objects, don't let yourself get carried away with anger. Even if people behave in ways that are disagreeable, or if the objects that come your way aren't what you had hoped for, you should still stop to consider whether those people have at least some good to them, and whether those objects may be of at least some use to you. When you can keep your mind in check in this way, you'll loosen yourself from the grip of anger and displeasure, so that thoughts of good will can arise within you instead. The result will be that those people will become your friends and allies; the objects you get will be able to serve you in other ways.

Answer 9

Just a few ideas i found useful, they helped my friend who was struggling like yourself:

Take time out for yourself.

Do something you enjoy once a day.

Read positive things.

Keep a diary - write down all your bad feelings - then you will less likely take it out on your Son.

Ask a friend for some company, and talk to them - friends are always waiting to be asked!

Try going to church to find peace/meet others.

Join a club/social group you'd enjoy.

Be who you want to be.

Go to see your GP , who could refer you to a counselling course and you can chat to someone about how you really feel - and they are trained to help you.

Apologise to your son and wife - talk to them about how you feel stressed/low at the moment.

Remember that things can only get better, but you have to help yourself, by letting others help you.

Good luck, mail me if you need someone to talk to.

Answer 10

You need to seek medical attention before it is to late, because i am going through the same thing and it is affecting my kids and husband . But i am seeing a therapist starting in a few weeks so that i can find out to deal with it better or find some kind of therapy to teach me other ways to act out on the way i feel . Good luck

Answer 11

Life is too short, I just smile and ignore the rudeness that goes on, take up a hobby and really try to excel at it, it takes your mind off what you have trained yourself to do, ie hate, no one knows you hate them until you express it, talk to your medical provider about your issues and also exercise, this helps stress