Should I opt not to have any flowergirls?

Question

I originally had thought I was going to have 3 flowergirls, but I saw a wedding yesterday where the flowergirl nearly ruined the ceremony. (She was jumping up and down the stairs, spinning in circles, and yellign loudly over the preacher. I personally think this crossed over the line of "cute" and just took away from the wedding)
Anyways, the flowergirls I orginially had thought about were very young, and one is serverly ADHD. I can't only have one, as I don't want to hurt feelings. And one flowergirl is my maid of honors daughter, and I don't know how her mother will take it since she has just assumed her daughter will be flowergirl. (Her daughter is the one with ADHD) I am just really nervous about having too much going on up there, as we already have 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen. Our wedding is very formal and is in a cathedral setting.
I have mentioned it to each mother some-what....saying "She'd be a precious flowergirl!" But I have not formally asked anyone. What do u think

Thanks for the answers so far, they do help. But I am also wondering what you guys think the parents and Maid of Honor will say when I tell them I don't want any flowergirls?

Answer 1

Have you seen how each child behaves in public? And have you seen how they behave standing next to each other? You need to base your decision on whether to have any of them based on that. If you do decide to have a flowergirl (or girls), have someone sitting in the front row that can gently pull them out of the scene if they start acting up or get tired. The wedding you saw should have had this arrangement and you're right, it wasn't cute.
If you decide against flowergirls or to only have one or two of them, you really don't need to offer explanations. It's your wedding. However, when the parent(s) ask, explain that you value their friendship and love the kids but that there was a crowd already up front.
I had nearly the same situation with my wedding and found it's not really the kids who get upset, angry and disappointed. It's the parents that feel their "little darling" has the right to be up front and center stage. The two little girls who were not choosen to be in my wedding still had fun playing with the flower girl at the reception with no sign of jealousy anywhere.
Your maid of honor should not have made that assumption that her daughter will be a flowergirl. It's not her place and you shouldn't feel guilty at all if you don't choose her daughter to be a flower girl.
Older children tend to behave better in such situations anyway. You could use that as an explanation to the parents as well.

Answer 2

I think you should NOT have flowergirls. They will most likely end up making you even more nervous than you already are, planning a wedding and all. Little girls can be annoying and expensive. And what to tell the parents? It doesn't matter. Just say, "to take some stress off, I've opted to not have any flowergirls" or something like that. They'll understand if you make sure to have it look like your stressed or something. It's your day. Don't let hyper, little girls and their parents ruin it. :)

Answer 3

Well by not formally asking the moms to use their daughters as flower girls you just saved your ***. They have no reason to be mad at you if you never even really asked in the first place, and if they assumed, well then apologize for misleading them. In fact they might be relieved, you know how you were telling the story about the obnoxious little flower girl? well think of how embarassed her parents must have been..i mean their daughter practically ruined the wedding. Plus your actually saving these people money by not including the kid in your wedding party. They dont have to buy a fancy little dress or pay for them to get their hair done professionally. And you save them the hassle of having to come to the rehearsal. And as far as the maid of honor daughter goes if shes your maid of honor she is probably a good Friend and will be understanding of your situation......and i totally back you on this decision i personally never found flower girls to be a cute addition to a wedding party, they usually never make it down the aisle, and if they do they are crying, and lets not forget the fact that they NEVER throw any flowers on the aisle anyways....as long as you approach the moms nicely im sure everything will be fine...plus its YOUR wedding.

Answer 4

Since the wedding is in a cathedral and very formal it would be prettier if there were a flower girl. Are any of the ones you are thinking of family? and are they old enuf so you dont have to worry about their behavior? Have you been around these children a lot and seen what their behavior is like? Think about these things before deciding not to have one. If you still think it might be a problem then choose not to have any flowergirls.

Answer 5

It's YOUR WEDDING, not there's, therefore it shouldn't matter. Unfortunately, in order to keep the peace with everyone around, you're kinda stuck. So you should consider another position for the "young girls" while still making them feel a part of the wedding. For instance, Veil Maidens - they will hold the veil while you take photos. OR Flower Maidens - they'll toss the flower petals as you walk out of the chapel AFTER the ceremony. OR Bridesmaid attendants - to accompany a bridesmaid as they file OUT of the chapel after the ceremony. OR some other position that requires them to perform only AFTER the ceremony is complete. In this way, they're not part of the ACTUAL ceremony but still a participant of the wedding. I hope these suggestions help.

Answer 6

it is your wedding day and you shouldn't worry about hurt feelings. it if perfectly okay to have no flowergirls. i had two but they were 7 and 8 and old enough to know to sit still during the ceremony. i had them sit on each side of the steps. or you could still have the flowergirls and then when they get to end of the aisle they can go sit with their parents. just an idea. have fun on your big day and planning your wedding

Answer 7

Its your wedding and ultimately your decision is the only one that matters. You can't make everyone happy and have a dream wedding at the same time...so you may have to step on some toes. If your maid of honors daughter is going to be obnoxious at your ceremony, then why bother? As for the other girls, if they are three and under I would be concerned.......because sometimes at that age they refuse to walk, or they need their mothers assistance getting to the altar........which would detract from an otherwise beautiful procession. If possible only choose the girls that are directly related to you and your fiance.........and so when your maid of honor asks why her daughter wasn't chosen, then you can say that you wanted to limit it to family......and say that you paid for their dresses so it was an added expense. One more girl would have tipped the budget.

Answer 8

If its a big enough concern for you, I wouldn't have any flower girls. Children are so unpredictable that you never know what you're gonna get no matter how well behaved they are especially when they're young. Since you have a large wedding party you may want to eliminate as many problems possible. And it makes it easier not to have them in your wedding since you haven't officially asked them. Your friends should be understanding of your choice not to have them since they are parents and know how kids can be. Its your wedding, do what feels best. Hopefully this will be the only time you get married so you'll want it to go as smoothly as can be =)

Answer 9

Don't have them. You have enough going on that day to worry about a posible nightmare. Flowergirls are not required to get married plus 5 minutes after the wedding, no one remembers who they were.
If your maid of honor gets upset then she is just showing that this date is more important for her duaghter than for you.
Also, don't explain yourself or give excuses for not having them. Don't go on the defensive. Just say that you never intended to have any for your wedding.
Remember that this your date. You will have the spotlight on you and you'll have enough to worry about.

Answer 10

It's never been the law that you have to have flower girls, so it's not like you are legally bound to have them. If you don't want them then don't have them. I'm not having any as I don't know any children and I don't feel that anything is missing from my wedding plans. And what does it matter what other people say, if they told you it was traditional that you had to jump off a building would you do it? I don't think so, so chill out and have your wedding your way!!!