.
And Lo! The journey must begin. Take not the wife of your brother's shepherd with you for she will taint the spoons of your household. And carry not anything that comes from the sea that is green, for if you do a great plague of locusts will engulf your household, and your shoes will split. As so befits a son of Ted, son of Todd, son of Rasta, you will take three reeds, one shorter than the other and one shorter still. Place the reeds under your left arm, for it is wicked. Wave goodbye with your right arm, for it is blessed. Do not turn your back on any tree or bush as you leave, for God created them. And he is a vengeful God.
2.
And Jesus said: There was once a farmer with three sons. All were leaving Jerusalem for the festival, but the man had only three reeds. "I will give you each a reed and you will place it under your left arm" said the farmer, "and you will wave goodbye with your right arm for that is a son's duty to his father", and the sons waved goodbye. Seeing this God was angry at the farmer. "I commanded three reeds. For this I will kill your sons!" he told the farmer and he readied to slay them, but the farmer begged God to spare them. Gold told him "You have begged and pleaded very well with me farmer, and I am a loving God, so I will spare you. And now for all time a man may wave goodbye with both hands and I will not strike him down. To mark this day I will give whiskers unto cats so that no man may forget this day". Jesus led his disciples to a market and told them "See, does not this cat have whiskers?"
2007-05-20 15:35:02 · 19 answers · asked by Miltant_Agnostic 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Lol Kjelstad,
These answers prove two things...
When someone quotes the bible,
1. 90% of Atheiests don't read it
2. 70% of christiand don't read it.
LMAO indeed
"please quote chapter and verse"!
2007-05-20 15:48:40 · update #1
I should rather that you had not wasted my time with this nonsense.
2007-05-20 15:45:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you or Jesus by any chances know what is the usage of a cat's whisker?
Anyway, the fact is this is a greedy god that wanted 3 reeds when the farmer can only afford 1 reed per son and this god is willing to slay 3 human lives because they cannot produce 3 stalks of plants does not speak too well of his "lovingness".
He gets angry enough over such small incident shows his wrath.
Moreover, this god loves to see the farmer plead and beg should he is a proud god ....
Let see, 7 deadly sins .... and he is guilty of a least 3 in this incident.
By the way, what does the cat do to deserve the whiskers? I still don't understand.
(By the way, the story sounds funny ..... I did not recall I read this story before)
2007-05-20 15:52:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
John C 3:16
2007-05-20 15:38:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go eat some more carrot cake. I miss his mom too.
LOL @ " Could you please include chapter and verse?"
Oh I did read it all after I replied just because it was funny but as soon as I read "spoons" I knew it was BS :)
The "Lo!" made me think it was Qu'ranic and there is a better chance I would not recognize that but you said biblical and I was already raising an eyebrow at that and yeah, spoons. The Tick converts.
2007-05-20 15:39:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
continued-"and, so the man saw the cats whiskers and fell to his knees. "Praise the lord, for it is a true miracle we've seen today" he cried. And so a fisheman came from the sea carrying green seagrass, and the lord said to him"why have u disobeyed me? for this your children will die" and the man begged for his childrens lives. and so god said"I am a forgiving God to mark this day,I will make poop brown so when you look in the toilet u will say"is the poop not brown/"
2007-05-20 15:48:19 · answer #5 · answered by amanda c 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm.... ok, but then I've found biblical PROOF for cars and cricket existing back then... take the right quote in a certain context and you can almost 'prove' anything. And in case you were wondering:
'Gideon rode forth in his triumph'
'Peter stood before the eleven and was bowled (bold)'
2007-05-20 15:40:24 · answer #6 · answered by Taliesin Pen Beirdd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And The Lord said unto Moses "Go in unto Pharaoh for I have hardened his heart that I may show these my signs before him." And then did Beppo knock over the jar of locusts. And The Lord did cry, "Beppo!!" And Beppo did eat his top hat in shame.
2007-05-20 15:39:55 · answer #7 · answered by answer faerie, V.T., A. M. 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
So my post regarding Jericho is a waste of electricity, huh? Well you're a waste of flesh.
And no one will be writing to Jesus to bring you back when He decides to cancel you.
2007-05-20 17:23:34 · answer #8 · answered by Rick 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You call this proof? I'm sorry, But once again proof cannot come from a book that was written More then 2000 years ago. Try again next year and thank you for your contribution.
(I'm so embarrased! I'm guilty I tell ya, guilty,
2007-05-20 15:39:39 · answer #9 · answered by punch 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wasn't this on the TV show Kung Fu. Grasshopper.
2007-05-20 15:39:08 · answer #10 · answered by Beavis Christ AM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on man no matter what point your trying to make you can do better than that.
2007-05-20 15:57:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋