Obligated to tell the father? I am pretty certain that I am pregnant...all the signs and symptoms are there, and it is with a person i've known for quite some time. We are friends and we have sex from time to time. This was definitely an accident but the thing is, and this is where things get sticky, I don't want to let him know i'm pregnant. I don't want financial support from him or anything, i'd just like to raise the baby on my own. The thing is that I feel a lot of this is my fault. First of all, I should have protected myself better. We used condoms but I am smart enough to know that I should have used another method along with condoms such as birth control pills. Also he already has children and I am almost 100 percent sure that he doesn't desire more kids. I just feel like I should keep this to myself. I don't want him to think that I am going to try and put him on child support and I know that his hands are already full. My question is do I legally have to tell him?
2007-05-20 15:21:47 · 25 answers · asked by Blossom 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I know most of you are right. And i'm not trying to be selfish or self centered...I was just trying to do what I thought was right. I don't want him thinking that I tried to "trap" him into this. And also I have a ton of family support so my child would have a lot of love and someone who'd always be there for them. I just know he doesn't want more kids. I've never been through this before and this would be my first baby...I just want to do the right thing for everyone in this situation.
2007-05-20 15:35:12 · update #1
you don't have to tell him but it would be nice of you to tell him he might not want any more kids but look at it this way when that kid grows up and starts to date you don't want it is date his or hers half bro or sis .that's one and if that guy is your buddy he is going to ask if that is his if you have sex he is not dumb .and he is going to be with that kid if you guys are Buddy's and your going to want to tell hI'm someday and it is going to be bad im telling you you need to tell him now !!!!!!!!! but tell him you don't need his $$$$ . your baby needs to know she /he has a dad that will pick up the phone when it needs a dad ... a mom alone sometimes is not enough
2007-05-20 15:42:37 · answer #1 · answered by butterflysmile 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if you do not tell him and he finds out after the fact that he has missed any of his child's life and at that point gets pissed and decides he wants full or joint custody, a good attorney will eat you alive. Secondly, reverse the situation and immagine you one day found out you had a child that your partner just decided you didn't need to know about. Don't you get upset when people try to make choices for you? Immagine what it would be like to have someone make the choice of if you can know you are a parent or not and if you can have involvment with your own flesh and blood.
Thirdly, does your child not have a right to have a father? Not just a father you may marry later but his/her real father? Sometimes things don't work out and the step father is more of a real father BUT you owe it to your child to find out if the real father is going to be a good father or not.
Finally, maybe you should worry less about what is legally right and more about what is morally right. IF more people did that it would be a much better world to live in. Look into your heart and ask yourself if the situation were able to be reversed how would you feel.
Immagine if you were in an accident tomorrow and woke up from a coma a year later. They tell you that you lost the baby due to the accident but you find out 5 years later that you carried to term and everyone just thought it would be easier on you and for the baby and there would be less presure on you if they just gave her up to her birth father and he moved away and never told you.
2007-05-20 23:39:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First things first, make sure you are pregnant. Sometimes we can get ourselves worked up over something that in this case you need to be absolutely sure before you take any other steps.
This is a great example of how this "Friends with benefits" situation should not go on. If you are not committed enough to have a real relationship what makes you think a situation like this is beneficial to anyone involved. Sounds like there could be other complications going on here, like is he married? Involved with someone else?
The father of the child does have a legal right to know about the child. He could force you into a paternity suit. There are so many complications that could happen down the line if you are not honest and up front about this.
Then there is the obligation you have to the child. It would not be right to bring this child into this world asking them to never want to know where they came from because believe me they will ask.
Remember it took 2 people to make this happen and he needs to be involved in this situation at the very least. Both of you knew that pregnancy could be a possibility (not an accident) and hopefully you will consider the consequences in the future.
I commend you for taking the mature approach to work this out. I wish you all the best in your decision.
2007-05-21 06:22:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As far as I know, you aren't LEGALLY obligated to tell him. If he has any suspicions, he can choose to get an order for a paternity test, at which point you'd have to give him paternal rights. But, if he doesn't know to get that . . .
Are you MORALLY obliged to tell him? That's the stickier point! It sounds like he's not someone who'd shirk his responsibilities. You'd have to examine your friendship. If you tell him, will it do damage to the relationship you already have? If you don't tell him, and he comes to suspect it later, how will that affect things? It sounds like you guys are close enough that he'd be around the baby, at least from time to time. Is it fair to allow him that, thinking s/he's someone else's?
These are all better questions to ask yourself. If you make your point known to him, that you're not looking to trap him in any way (financially, emotionally, whatever), it might be better than just leaving him in the dark. And you might feel less guilt.
It may be a hypothetical question anyway, if you haven't even confirmed that you really are pregnant . . .
2007-05-20 22:32:18 · answer #4 · answered by pernrider480 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you do not legally have to tell him, but morally---you should. Explain to him what you are telling us. If he does not desire more children, then he will probably want you to raise the baby yourself. Explain to him that that is your wish. Just talk to him and tell him EXACTLY what you want. If he is a reasonable person, you should both come to an agreement that you are both satisfied with. Don't run off with his child though, that is wrong to keep such a secrect. Put yourself in his shoes.........he has a right to know.
2007-05-20 22:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by Kingston's Mommy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"you don't want" is a key phrase here.
You don't have any legal obligation to tell the father. Tons of babies get born and nothing gets entered on the birth certificate under the "father" line.
Your child has a right to know his or her father. Your child's father has a right to know his child. Your selfish attitude is only going to harm your child.
What do you think will happen if the child ever finds out that you knew her father all along and lied to her about it?
2007-05-20 22:34:41 · answer #6 · answered by chocolahoma 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should tell him, and besides whether you tell him about your pregnancy or not, he'll eventually know it for sure. that's why it's good to tell him.
I remember when I got pregnant with my boyfriend, I also told myself I wont ever tell him, I wont even ask for any financial or moral support for our child, and I wont let him see our baby. But now me and the father of my baby is good with each other not because there is still something between the two of us, it is because we both love our baby, and we're very concern for his future, whatever happen in the future, we'll just be ready for it, it may be bad or good, we're ready to accept everything, but we're doing everything just for the sake of our own child.
In that stage I understand what you feel, but I tell you, whether you like it or not, he is still the father of your child, he has a responsibility to your child and not only you even though you were telling us it was your fault because it is not only your fault.
You both are responsible about it and If you chose not to tell the father for that reason that I understand, well then It was your choice.
It's up to you really but ask yourself first not once one and twice.
And if you are going to ask my age, I was only 16.. I know things will soon be fine and you'll be happy :)
2007-05-20 22:52:56 · answer #7 · answered by SWEETCHILD 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must name the father on the birth certificate. If you do that, he will likely find out eventually. Additionally, someday the child will grow up to be old enough to want to know who his father is. It would be wise to simply tell him, while assuring him also, that you have absolutely no interest in getting any child support at all. Then, see what is his reaction, and take it from there.
2007-05-20 22:45:50 · answer #8 · answered by sopcwebservant 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have a child, and you are not able to support it, and you know who the father is, you should to tell him. There won't be anything wrong if you tell him that your pregnant. You just don't need for him to pay the support. But as a father, it's his right to know. It's just a right, not a legal issue. So if you don't want to, it's your choice. I hope this helps, and wish the best for you buddy:)
2007-05-20 22:27:26 · answer #9 · answered by Shika M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
legally no, if you don't want to tell him you don't have to. if you want child support though, i suggest telling him. I hope that you reach a decision and if you both dont want the child, there are MILLIONS of people that cant have kids that would love to adopt.
its nice of you to do this by yourself, but you need him to be there also. even if it is just financially,its important. Its a long 9 months to go, and you will need someone to help you and i hope you have a good friend there with you
god bless
2007-05-20 22:26:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him and then express your desire to raise it on your own to ease his burden. I do not think it is any more your fault than his, it takes two people to have a child. So while your motives are kind, you are doing more harm by trying to keep it a secret because you will never know how he really feels about it unless you tell him.
2007-05-20 22:26:59 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋