How can I get closer to my 8 year old daughter who my sister is raising and who built a wall between us?

Question

I have a brain disease and went through heck raising my first daughter. So, when I found out 18 years later after having my first one, that I was pregnant I started PTSDing and was not in a good place. So, when I had Amber, my sister offered to take her. I knew then it would be a mistake but felt I had no other real choice. I was hoping against hope but sure enough, my sister, to make a long story short, made me into an 'egg donor', that I don't matter and my daughter doesn't even or ever has given me hugs even though I see her at my mom's often and buy her things etc. I respected my sister as her caregiver by asking her if I could take Amber here or there or whatever else, but she always found an excuse why I can't. She didn't nurture our natural relationship or anything. I knew my sister was a self centered insensitive control freak. She didn't take Amber for me, she took her for her and now I see that. I'm sitting here feeling defeated even though I tried to talk to my sis

Answer 1

you need to either let your sister raise the child, or YOU raise the child... you will seriously warp her pulling her between you and your sister...

Answer 2

First of all, mother is the one who raises you, not the one who gives you birth or occasionally buy you gifts. I was raised mostly by my step-dad and I feel absolutely nothing for my real dad, even though he visited me all the time and took me on trips and stuff as a kid, my mom pushed me to have a father/son relationship with him so thats the only reason I ever even went out with him.

But now as an adult when I can decide what to do for myself, I won't even go to his house for dinner, he calls me for Christmas and on my birthday and stuff but I don't answer the phone, because he is nothing to me, he's just another random individual, he is not my dad.

I don't think there is anything you can do but let go and just be happy for your daughter, it doesn't matter if you take her out every weekend, she will never see you as a mother if you did not raise her.

Answer 3

Whats ptds? If your sister thinks it may be a danger to the girl I can understand why.Since I dont know what PTDS is and you had her take the girl this leads me to beleive that it made you unable to take care of her and since you cant garauntee you wont have a relapse then I can sort of understandher position.

Answer 4

sorry about your family and health problems
try to spend time with your daughter without it being about buying stuff or going somewhere fun
This is not a competition your daughter needs you all for different reasons
You need to take the higher road
be persistant and not combative
show love consistently

Answer 5

I'm raising my niece and nephew that mother too only wants to see them every now and them. It's not our fault that we have to raise someone else children,