I took her back to her moms house and he answered the door and the first thing she said to him was hi daddy......gggrrrrrr (hes a different race)
2007-05-20 05:37:37 · 27 answers · asked by caveman2copper 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am not really racist, but i'll be damned if she will call "chavez" her daddy. we talked about it and she realizes what she did. She knows that I'm her real dad and he is just a step dad. when she said that to him, i wanted to hit him so bad, but I didnt cause she was there and I didnt want her to see that. She also met him off the net. Im just an old fashioned country boy who thinks that people should respect their elders and stay in their own race.
2007-05-20 06:27:23 · update #1
Im not jealous of him, I am remarried as well
2007-05-21 02:38:16 · update #2
that bastard.....say to her, "im your daddy. that man is your stepdaddy"
2007-05-20 05:46:04 · answer #1 · answered by Ted (Guitar Legend) 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Don't say a word to the child at this point. She may have been told to call him that. If there are other children that call him "daddy" she may have started out of habit, without thinking about it.
Get some background first. Talk with her mother and say that you feel that "step" should be called something else. Clearly and calmly explain your feelings, and offer solutions.
Remember that you are an adult. As an adult, you have to rise above this sort of hurt for the well being of your child. If it comes down to your daughter being more comfortable calling the both of you daddy, well, there are worse things that can happen.
Just wait until she's a teenager, you'll be grateful she even acknowledges you in public.
Good luck
2007-05-20 05:52:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should get over it - you are acting jealous. They were already divorced for years before you came into the picture and she is with YOU not him. Sometimes people decide they are better friends than lovers and she clearly decided that 7 years ago. While it's wrong that she kept it from you - you didn't give her much of a choice - she was likely avoiding a confrontation. You trust her not to cheat or you don't but don't try to tell people who they can and cannot be friends with. It's highly unlikely she would go back to someone that she could have gone back to any time during the last 7 years. She already knows what to expect from him. By forcing her to go in the closet with whom she confides in - you run the risk that you will not be the one she chooses to confide in when it really counts. A six month relationship doesn't trump a friendship someone has obviously had for years with the father of their child. Sometimes to keep a relationship congenial for the sake of a child - there is a little give and take involved.
2016-05-22 00:47:31 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aw, that's hard to hear. She obviously loves you very much and knows you are more special than her other "daddy", but for you to hear that and just imagine them living together like a happy family without you must hurt.
You can't tell her it made you sad or anything because she didn't do anything wrong and the last thing a child wants to do is make their parent sad.
I'm sure you already do, but make sure you spend lots of special time with her and when she gets older and understands the concept of parents and stuff, she will know you are her real Dad and you will keep in contact and will retain that special and authentic relationship you have now.
Try not to think about it and dwell on it too much. Just know that she loves you and continue to love your daughter and cherish the time you spend together. Also,don't take it out on the step father because at least this shows that he is treating her well and she likes him.
The fact that he is a different race shouldn't matter....that's actually good also because it shows your daughter is going to be well rounded and accept different kinds of people.
Good luck and have fun with your daughter!
2007-05-20 05:45:41 · answer #4 · answered by Mackenzie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but it really isn't up to you what she calls her stepfather in her stepfather's home. Only your daughter can make that decision.
My ex is getting married this summer (how the heck he found someone to live with all his faults, I'll never know) and I've had to deal with this same issue. I REALLY don't want my sons to call their stepmother "Mom." I'd rather they call her by her first name. After all, *I* am the one who gave birth to them and raised them, and I'm their custodial parent. But as much as it bugs me, it's not my call. It's my ex's household, and if my sons feel truly comfortable enough to call her "Mom" then I'll just have to live with it.
I was never able to call my stepfather Dad. I always called him my "mother's husband" until a few years ago, when I finally was comfortable enough to move to calling him my stepfather. If your daughter has reached the state where she calls her stepfather daddy, then understand she is a loving child who has accepted this man into her life. She wouldn't do that if he treated her badly, if he ignored her, or if he abused her. This man is going to be a constant in her life. He will influence her and help raise her.
I know that it's hard to accept (believe me, I know!!!) but you should accept it and not cause your daughter any grief or confusion by ordering her not to call her stepdad "Daddy" or by sitting her down and telling her that YOU are her Dad, the other man isn't. Don't bring it up with your ex either, because she'll tell you to kiss off and it's her house... and you can bet your daughter will hear about it and feel bad. Kids suffer enough from divorce, wounds that take a long time to heal, if they even heal. Just let it go.
Racial comments and violence (wanting to hit him) won't help you in your daughter's eyes, by the way.
2007-05-20 06:59:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a constant in her life...Unfortunately little kids do these things...You are her father and you may do everything in your power you can for her, but your not there EVERY DAY...she doesn't see you all the time and she sees him, and he is a father figure...Instead of you getting upset about this you should be happy that her mother is with someone that loves her and your daughter enough that the child would even freely call him dad...And his race shouldn't matter...Hell your ex could be with some dead beat who treats your kid like sh!t...so buck up cause there's nothing you can do about it without making your self look like an immature racist...
2007-05-20 05:48:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave it be. You and your ex are the ones with confused relationships. Don't make it tougher on the kid than it already is.
If she's comfortable calling two people 'daddy', the least you can do is suck it up and act like an adult. Then go off by yourself for a while to scream and throw things.
2007-05-20 05:56:03 · answer #7 · answered by silverbullet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it the different race that's bothering you? Or the "daddy"?
I wouldn't worry about it. Be glad she has a good relationship with this person. There are kids in much worse situations. (She knows you're her real daddy; don't worry.) And don't make her feel bad by insisting that she call him something else or not love him. Be a big man. :)
2007-05-20 05:51:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wait -- does this bother you because you're her true father, or because he's of a different race? I understand your sensitivity if it's because she's your child -- yes, that hurts. Please do not take it out on her. Next time you're with her, ask her why she calls him that. Perhaps they have a terrific relationship, in which case you should THANK GOD. It would be such a blessing for your daughter if she has two men in her life that she loves, instead of disliking and/or fearing him. Perhaps she calls him that because she's been told to, in which case, you would need to discuss the wisdom of such a decision with her mother.
Now, on to the "race" issue -- despite your feelings, the race of this man is irrelevant. Judge him by his character, not by his race. I doubt you'd want to be judged by your race, would you? Every one of us is a minority somewhere on the planet. Judge this man by how he lives his life - what he values and how he presents himself. THAT is the only thing that is important. If he treats your daughter with love and kindness and respect, you are very blessed. His race is irrelevant.
Bottom line: talk to your daughter. Find out, without asking leading questions, how she truly feels about this man. Make your decisions about him based on whether he's a good man and treats your daughter properly. Don't let your emotions get in the way of being rational here. If he's good to your daughter, PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!
2007-05-20 05:46:44 · answer #9 · answered by BreadCollision 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What's in a name? As long as you are working at establishing a supportive, loving relationship with your daughter, you have nothing to worry about. Divorce and re-marriage are so tough on children; be glad that her step-father is loving enough toward her to be called "daddy". Please don't place unneeded burdens on this little girl by playing "you have to love me the most". What does she call you? If this child is lucky enough to have two daddies to love her, she will be fortunate indeed. My daughter calls her step-dad by his given name, but she loves him far more than the "daddy" who abandoned her and has never made a part of his life. Consider yourself fortunate that she is not being abused or ignored.
2007-05-20 05:58:22 · answer #10 · answered by BeeGee 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have experienced this only the other way around. My son, Cameron, is almost 3 years old, and his Dad, Ben, left 2 years ago. Now that I have a new man in my life, my son is getting used to seeing him. Cameron calls my boyfriend his special big John. I talked to Ben and explained things to him, he said at least Cameron doesn't call John his 'daddy.'
Just talk to her mother and explain to her that this bothers you. Try to work something out and give your daughter something else to call him. Like I said Cameron calls my new man "Special big John" maybe she could come up with something to call her step-dad other than Daddy.
2007-05-20 05:55:24 · answer #11 · answered by Jenna D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋