this women has tormented me in every way over the last 3yrs i can't stand her.Here is just one of the problems.John has a 9 yr old son(joint custody) with her who is active in sports.His son has like 2-3 games a week that we all go to.Most days i go with my husband and we sit away from his ex.But somedays i can't get there till after my husband and sure enough his ex will be sitting right next to him chatting away(she still has feelings for him even 6yrs after the divorce)as soon as i get there she allways glares at me then ether moves away or continues chatting with my husband and ignoring me completely.Becuase of this i feel i must "race" from work to beat her there so i can sit with my husband before she gets there(if i'm already there she will not sit with us)I know i can just stay home but thats just what she wants and i like going to the games.my husband will not say anything to her as he fears it will hurt his son so whats the best way to handle this?
2007-05-20 04:42:00 · 12 answers · asked by june f 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
IGNORE her. She sounds pathetic. If you act like it bothers you, you'll just fuel her fire.
Don't worry about your husband. He surely knows her well and she's probably the last woman on earth he'd want.
He'll continue to talk to her-- they have a child together and share custody. If you act silly and jealous, you'll soon be an ex-wife too.
2007-05-20 04:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to relax. There is a reason she is his ex. They are divorced, and have been for years. Get over yourself, and try to find a little faith in your husband. If he wanted to be with her, he would be. You need to understand that they have a child together, and that is not going to change. it is in the best interest of that child that his parents get along, and parent as partners. I'm not sure why you are so insecure. I wouldn't rush to get there, and I wouldn't let it bother me that she was there. I would sit down, and be as pleasant as I could. It's good for the boy to see his parents get along. Would you rather they couldn't stand each other, fight constantly and raise a neurotic confused freak? It will hurt his son if your husband starts being mean to the boy's mother. How do you know what she wants? Has she said that to you? That she wants your husband, ar that she wants you to stay home from the games? Maybe she gets up and leaves because you are making her feel uncomfortable for wanting to be a good mother. I really think you should step back, and re-examine this situation. He was divorced with a son when you picked him. That means until that child is 18, his mother is going to be a part of your husband's life if he's any kind of decent person.
I have a great relationship with my ex. We talk all the time, and if there are any issues with our son, we both get a say. My guy has no problem with it at all. He isn't jealous or insecure. He knows we aren't going to get back together, but we made a child together. I wish he had a better relationship with his ex. They hate each other, and it really takes a toll on the child. My son has no problem sitting down and talking to me about his dad, and what they do. I don't question him, he just tells me about stuff, and I'm sure he talks to his dad about me. My step-son, would never mention his mother, as he knows how his dad feels, and I'm willing to bet that his mom says bad things about his dad and me, as she is a bitter angry person. I have never done anything to her, and am not the reason they split up, but she has made it very clear that she hates everything about me. I think it's much better my way than his!!!
2007-05-20 05:03:52 · answer #2 · answered by ladyscootr 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, do you trust your husband? You will never get rid of her. She will be a part of your husband's life b/c they have a child together. When you have a child together and the parents are divorced the least the parents can do is act civil to each other. No child wants to be in the middle of two parents who hate each other. So I'm sure that's all their doing. Now if you have some proof that your husband is starting to have feelings for his ex again, then you need to call him out. As for her, having feelings for him, well she can wish she was still w/ him all she wants. His is w/ you, not her. You two dont have to like each other, but at least act civil to each other b/c of the child. It seems you are willing but she is not. Really though if she doesnt talk to you, does it really matter? She's probably trying to just get to you. Do you think that by your husband and his ex talking that your husband will start to want to be w/ her again? She can try all she wants to plot to have him back. If your husband reallly loves you then he wouldnt' cheat/ leave you for her.
2007-05-20 05:18:58 · answer #3 · answered by Erica 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Realize that she is THE EX for a reason. YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT INTERESTED IN HER. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!! Get over YOUR insecurities cuz I can GUARANTEE you that if you keep up YOUR foolish behavior, YOU TOO will drive him away.
Also realize that YOU are the one that allows her to "torment you", as you say. She can't do anything to you unless you allow her to. PLEASE get that through your head. Instead of you acting jealous of her, tolerate her. Your husband does, afterall, have a son with her and whether or not you like it, that woman will be around AT LEAST until that kid is 18!!!!!
Not only that, our of respect for your step son, at least be cordial to his mother. No one says that you have to like her but you should at least put on a tolerable smile when you see her.
Have you ever heard of "killing them with kindness"? This old cliche holds true. Why not be somewhat kind to her, (IE: oh, hello Jane) and watch her fall to the ground. She will not know what hit her.
Unless her "glares" are truly causing you a "life threatening condition" that will put you six feet under before your time comes, I'd suggest you GROW UP and be the good person you know how to be. In the end, it will really pay off!!
P.S................. there is also NO NEED to "race" from work to beat her to your step-sons events................. unless, of course, there is some kind of "prize" at the end of "the race".
mb
2007-05-20 05:07:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have read the answers and agree with them 100%. The only thing I wish to point out is that you said "his ex will be sitting right next to him chatting away". This doesn't indicate to me that he is participating. The wording wasn't "they" are sitting together so it sounds as if he's merely tolerating her. Why would you race to get there if he obviously looking at it as though she was some stranger who struck up a conversation?
2007-05-20 05:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by Jess 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a way this is kind of on your husband. He should excuse himself from her and scoot closer to you. Or you could just kill her with kindness. Sit down, call her by name, ask her how she's doing, make sure you are smiling the whole time. If she has any intelligence at all she'll feel stupid sitting there giving you dirty looks.
2007-05-20 10:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you should have had a child to visit games, and you could sit and flirt with your ex. See the problem with men is they are stupid. Oh yeah, he would be highly pissed if you were to be there sitting with your ex when he drove up and he smerked at your hubby and left cause he was there. Tell him that you have reason to suspect something because you see the way she is acting, and you are a woman too, and you know what that smerk means!
2007-05-21 10:10:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the problem lies with your husband and not the wife you have him, now get it through to him that his actions are not that of a present day husband he is also living in the ex-wifes past and needs to make her KNOW that you are his wife period. hurt his son? thats a cop-out he can always take her aside and tell her, or this whole thing is crap really, just in his body language will tell her to get her *** up and move with a smile on her face doing it! talk to your husband!
2007-05-20 04:53:08 · answer #8 · answered by pa625 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband has to keep an open relationship with her for his sons sake..Just look at it this way..She lost him You got him, so shouldn't she be the one who is jealous?
2007-05-20 04:54:42 · answer #9 · answered by ibsawdust 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe your husband should excuse himself from her once you arrive, go off and grab a coke and reseat yourselves. she sounds like a real winner lol.
2007-05-23 14:52:58 · answer #10 · answered by beachy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋