How do you POLITELY set your limits with people, indirectly, subtly and gently without being rude. Especially when dealing with people who have no limits/boundaries with people, and thus turn out to be either nosy, or controlling and manipulating.
2007-05-20 03:22:19 · 4 answers · asked by Who? 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Some people will not take the hint. For example, I don't allow women to be called vulgar names in my presence. I don't care if you are talking about me or not--but if you wish to call your friends (in a joking way) words that reference their sexual behavior--you cannot do it around me.
I merely look at the person who is using inappropriate language and leave the room. Some people I have had to cut out of my life though b/c they thought it was appropriate to call ME names. It ended our friendship. I don't consider that rude but standing up for myself.
If you are talking about a person who merely stands in your personal space, you can hold something in front of you (like a book horizontally) that gives you most space. Or turn so that you are standing with one leg out in front of the other. If that doesn't seem to work, pull him aside sometime and tell him that you have heard from others that he has the habit of invading personal space and wanted to let him know about it.
If you are talking about someone who is always nosy, politely explain that this is a private matter and even though you value their friendship, you don't feel comfortable sharing such private information. That should make them respect you and give you space. If they don't--they don't value your friendship and are only trying to get the info/gossip regardless of your feelings. In that case, being slightly rude is the only way to deal with them.
Someone who is deliberately controlling or manipulating is not your friend in the first place. The only way to perhaps convince them to change their ways is to tell them you've heard something about them that is troubling. Others have said their behavior is manipulative (if you work with this person explain that you feel it might hurt their career). Give an example for of course they will either not believe you or as they are deliberately manipulative, demand to have proof that you actually KNOW its deliberate.
There is nothing you can do with someone who is manipulative if they are above you or equal to you in station--for you are specifically a person they want to manipulate. Telling them you know whats going on may cause them to get offended, obnoxious, loud, and cause a scene...or may cause them to just move on to manipulate someone else. They don't learn.
However you inform others through your actions of how to treat you. If you are consist, it is obvious that you don't tolerate certain behavior. The person decides either 1) to modify the behavior or 2) being around you doesn't matter as much as the behavior. If that is the case, you need to be firm. Giving in and tolerating it only weakens your character and integrity--it does not strengthen theirs.
2007-05-21 03:28:26 · answer #1 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this a guy or girl?
In most cases I gently say how I feel and suggest they respect that.
If this is a group you are around, maybe it would be a good idea to avoid this kind of group. I don't associate with bad groups.If you stay connected they could cause you trouble.
These things can be contagious and rub off on you.
If it is a guy, set your limits and remember the word NO.
2007-05-20 03:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by lana s 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would help of you gave an example.
Jsut politely say how you feel or if you don't like something.
2007-05-20 03:30:43 · answer #3 · answered by Jenae, TV (tempter of the vile) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't bring yourself to tell them a white lie then do it politely but firmly.
2007-05-21 05:14:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋