My 3rd child is having tantrums and I'm not sure if this is normal, is it, and how can I rear her from it?

Question

My 15 mo usually have it around her siblings ages 7&5. She wants what they want or she she just plain wants. My other two did not have this problem. I started baby signing as way for her to express what she wants to help with the fustration of not being able to comunicate verbally, so far so good with that. What should I do for the youngster before she gets out of hand? Before she get to the point of accidentally hurting herself. Is time out even reasonable this early? Some relatives would even suggest spanking, which is completely out of the question for me! I'm just not sure at this point. I mean, I think that I was doing ever thing right with my children until now. As for my husband he have no problems with keeping the kids on point. I'm I the only one out there with this situation, I can't be. Please give me advice if you have shared this similar experience. I know that this is just a phase but support and advice would really help get me through. Thank you for your honesty.

:)

I appreciate everyones honesty. After looking back at when this all started I noticed that it occured when her dad left for training. So, this could be the cause of her behaving this way. My other two know the routine of military life and does just fine. I have taken that into great cosideration as to why she has been this way. I'm disappointed of what was quoted from a couple of people. No, I'm not trying to be a friend to my children, and I do not expect them to raise themselves. I just wanted some advise or even parental support for my situation. I will continue to be patient, loving, caring, and use decipline with these tools that I have as a grown, responsible, loving parent. Again, thank you................everyone!

;)

Answer 1

Your daughter is reaching out to you because of separation anxiety because her dad is gone. And also she is testing her boundaries with you to see what she can get away with. You have to ignore the tantrums no matter how bad they get if you have to go in another room do it. When she is good praise her for it not with food or money but with love and appreciation. Thank her for being a good girl but never say anything about being bad.

Answer 2

If your husband has no problem with the 15 month old then maybe you should look at why this is so.

About tantrums, they are an attention getting device and a way for your child to manipulate you or her siblings into doing what she wants you to do (and right now!).

They are not a phase, she will continue to try to manipulate you by using tantrums as long as she lives, until you stop rewarding her by either giving her attention or giving in to what she wants when she throws a tantrum. In the 20 years that I worked as a psych RN I have seen people of all ages, up through their 90's throw tantrums.

The quickest and best way to get her to stop using tantrums is to completely ignore her. Do not say anything to her, do not walk toward her, or even make eye contact with her until the tantrum is well over with.

This needs to be done by everyone that comes into contact with your daughter when she could possibly have a tantrum. She will gradually stop using tantrums when she realizes that they don't work to manipulate you or her siblings.

How do you know that "baby signing" is helpful for your daughter? I don't know. Frustration is not always a bad thing. All people do things due to motivation. They want something or want to avoid something.

It is the frustration that your 15 month old has with not being able to communicate that is part of her motivation to want to learn to talk. The "baby signing", if it works, may reduce your 15 month old's motivation to learn to talk. I'm not saying it will but who knows?

I would encourage you to be careful about where you get your child rearing information. There are a lot of uninformed people giving advice in books and magazine articles.

By the way, nobody did "everything right", when raising their children except Joseph and Mary. Even if my parents had done "everything right", which they didn't, I still made a lot of mistakes on my own as a child. My best wishes for raising your children :).

I read the persons answer about ignoring the bad. You can't always do that. When your 15 month gets more mobile and runs into the street, can a parent just ignore that? No! If she puts her hand too near the burner on the stove, can that be ignored? No! A parent often needs to prevent a child from harm by setting firm limits with effective consequenses to harmful behavior.

At sometimes, with a small child, a firm "No! will be enough. At times it will take a loud and forceful,"No! At sometimes it may take a swat on the butt. A young child, often, can not be reasoned with. Just as an aside, a child does not begin to develope the ability to reason abstractly until their teens.:)

Answer 3

When I was a child back before Oprah there was this thing called a good swift swat on the butt, I tried a temper tantrum all of like twice and you know what the third time I was just asked"You want me to give you a reason for all that crying and carrying on?" My answer was "Um mm No...sniffle ...sniffle" When it became apparent to me that my needs would be met, but at 3 I was a bit young to making demands and wasn't going to get anything but a spanking out of the deal ,tantrums didn't seem like such a good idea. Of course you say they're "totally out of the question" so obviously a long drawn out negotiation and deal making process must be in order, forget the fact your kid is too young to even grasp the concept you just go ahead do the complete opposite of what has worked for thousands of years,you'll be happier, your kid will wind up a spoiled brat, and some clown on TV will have sold another book. These are kids here folks, they're not tiny adults( tiny adults are midgets and I'm pretty sure there's another category for them). You're not their friend you're the grown up so GROW UP!

Answer 4

She should be communicating verbally- maybe that is the source of her frustration and therefore - her tantrums. Does she have tantrums for your husband? If not, why not?
I suggest you look her in the eye and tell her - there will be no yelling - show Mommy what you want! If she doesn't respond- then walk away. Do not yell at her or spank her- that only makes things worse.
You are right - this can indeed become a bigger problem.

Answer 5

The 3rd child is around the older two so much she wants to be exactly like them -it's normal. It's called 'role models' and she wants to be just like them.
My youngest grand daughter, 8, was like this (and still is) with her older twins sisters.
It's too bad you don't believe in spanking because that's exactly what she NEEDS!!!
You need to step up to the plate and act like a parent; direct and discipline her!!! You can't expect her to raise herself and know exactly what she's supposed to be doing..............
If you want a change in behavior then change the diet.
NO JUNK FOODS AND NO SWEETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most of all - BE THE PARENT!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

just try to explain it and if she doesn't understand it then try time out in a playpen or something she'd be stuck in without any toys. After sometime she'll give up or if you're lucky it'll continue till she graduates from high school.
Think of it like this: it can only get better, right? right

Answer 7

Ignore the bad and praise the good
it takes a while but it works
she will soon get the message that her throwing tantrums dont get her anywhere.

EDIT: dont do time out as she is a bit young i did a nurture course and they recommend you start time out around the age of 3

Answer 8

honestly, this is just the start of it, honey. it will really get a lot worse, i know a 6 year old who still behaves this way it happens to all 3 year olds

Answer 9

It is a phase. She will grow out of it. She is testing her boundries with you. Try time out or just removing her from the situation.