Had sex, now what?

Question

My boyfriend and I had sex together for the first time this week, and ever since then things have been odd. The sex was quite awkward, and was not that good on my side. I am not sure how he felt about it, and I do not know how to ask. It was my first time in a long time, and I was very nervous, so I think that he may think that I did not like it. We are still talking, but not as much. I still feel fine in the relationship, but he seems to be more standoffish then he used to be. I am just not sure what to do. I know that the first time is usually quite awkward since you really do not know what the other person likes, but I do not know how to get past it. I know that he really tried to make me happy, but I was so nervous that it was not that pleasurable for me. What should I do?

Also, I am 20 years old and perfectly capable of making my own decisions. Please do not lecture me about pre-marital sex.

Answer 1

Forget that you had sex with him and treat this like any other problem. He is not talking with you like he used to and you are worried so whenever this happens you need to approach him and talk to him... ask him. he is your boyfriend so you should be at a point where you can just ask him and if you are not then that is a another problem but you need to ask him. Don't let problems fester. When you think there is something wrong it is time to act. Talk with him. Tell him exactly what you wrote in this message. he should know that you hadn't had sex in a long time and that you were nervous. He should be flattered that you had sex with him after so long. As for the sex... tell him you want more sex but after you let him know you are out of practice.

Answer 2

Hi,
You said he was standoffish but how about you ? Are you now standoffish with him?
I won't tell you how many men I have been with in 53 years but lets just say there have been more than a few.
A man's ego is usually more fragile when it comes to sex than a women's. Men have a tendency to define who they are by the job they have, the car they drive and they're ability in the bedroom, especially a young man. You said he tried to please you, that's great, there's nothing worse than some jerk whose done having sex long before you know he even started. Your fear of your responses and nervousness may have him thinking he disappointed you, when in fact you think you disappointed him. If you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to talk to your lover. I guarantee you if you explain to him that you were nervous he will be greatly relieved and more than willing to practice with you until the awkwardness and nervousness go away. Just don't forget to let him know when you're enjoying it, and that you appreciated how hard he tried to make you happy. The more a man is told that he is making you happy and giving you pleasure, the more he will try and make you even happier. Good luck, stay honest and loving. Men just want to be appreciated like we do. No mystery.

Answer 3

well you need to talk to him about it i know it may be diffacult because you unsure what he may say but you will never know where to go from here tell you do once you talked next thing is to figure out where to go from here do you still have feeling for him and he for you if so then stay together try and work it out if not well it may be time to move on if you 2 stay together take it a little slower and i may be able to answer the question better atleast for him if i new what he did wrong or what was making you uncomtable if you dont feel ok with giving that info try a book before doing it next time i here this one does the best
The Joy of Sex and then kama sutra may help too do tell him to take his time rushing is always a way to ruin a good time for the female partner atleast hope that helps some

Answer 4

well, from what you've said I'd say both you and he have had sex before, and as you said you are "20 and able to make your own decisions" so, suck it up. no offense, but just get over the fear and talk to him. you are a mature adult and can handle this like one. if he's basing your entire relationship on the first time you guys had sex, and now he's being standoffish because he didn't like it, then he's shallow, and I'd say you need to dump him. but it's more than likely he's having the same fear you are, that it wasn't good, and he doesn't know what to do. you should talk to him about it. considering that there are two options, either never sleep with him again, or try again because you might be better next time you might just want to actually talk about what you like and don't like, what he likes and doesn't like. again, you are a mature adult, and you have probably had these conversations before, as they occur in every relationship when that relationship involves sex. maybe it's time you two had that talk.

Answer 5

I have been in a situation like this before me and the guy sat down and talked about it i felt awkward but we talked and i liked him alot so we got comfortable with asking each other what we like cause really when its your first time you don't know what to expect especially when your anxious so just talk to him and let him know you still feel the same way and you were kinda nervous so next time it will be a little more interesting and passionate

Answer 6

Just tell him how you feel. Don't ever assume anything in a relationship. The #1 problem why marriages don't work out is because of communication. You're not married but you have to communicate...start now or you'll end up divorced later in life whether it be with him or someone else. Just tell him, "Hey look, I was a little nervous about the other night and just wanted to know what your thoughts are. Hopefully I didn't make you uncomfortable, and if I did, please let me know. I want to be open and honest about everything." If you can't talk to him, its not going to work out. Its hard but just open your mouth and start talking, the Earth won't split and swallow you up. Good luck!

Answer 7

Well...if he's like most guys. When he gets in the mood again. He'll come running up to you being all giggly and happy again.
Nervous,.... So it didn't feel right? Probably means subconsciously you where not ready for that step yet. If you REALLY like the guy. And he's not a "One Pump Chump" Just try talking to him and holding his hand...hugging him...what ever...stuff that you use to do before you two got lost in the moment. He might feel a bit awkward at first. But eventually he'll "COME" around.

Answer 8

The first time with someone is always awkward because you don't knoe there likes and dislikes. If everyone liked the same thing, it would be easy and we would all be having sex. Give him another chance and this time take control and tell him what to do in a sexy kind of way.....do this, do that, turn me over, bark like a dog, etc.

Answer 9

I would ask him about it and see what he thought. As strange as it may seem you do need to express your likes and dislikes about sexual activity. Just like emotions its something that the other needs to understand in order to make those moments a more positive experience rather than a negative one, which is what seems to be in this case. Talk to him about it and see what he thinks and what he thinks you think of the whole experience. Then and only then will you be able to understand one another and with hope and time make moments like that more cherishable and memorable. Remember, communication is your best friend in relationships. Dont abandon it.

Best wishes to you, your boyfriend and your future endeavors.

Answer 10

My advice to you is to try again, in a better mood.

Now you both have the desire to succeed. Try to crack it down, try to talk frankly with him and show him that you are interested in him, that you were nervous because of one reason: That you'd fail to make him satisfied or joyful.

Let him believe in that, and I'm sure he'll be back in a good mood again. Invite him for another trial, when you are both in a good mood.

Tell him, it's not a test for him, or both of you. that you are so happy with him and it's just you want to have the maximum of joy of this relation.

You are so young and you must use that in a positive way, you have the ability to lead the sexual relation and drive it forward. the problem now is how to get him back, happily to bed.

Good luck!