Son 14 thinks he knows all, we r always at odds ends what do I do?

Question

My son is 14 and thinks he knows more then me..we argue over silly things espeacially when he thinks I, as his I mother cannot tell him what to do. But when he needs help w/homework he comes to me not dad, Needs money, me again, or needs a persmission slip filled out., it's me he asks, or needs permission to go here and there, me always (dad at work). But when I ask him to do chores around the house he claims he "does everything" I luv him but am tired of his attitde towards me ( have been a stay at home mom for all of his life so far) . Should I tell him I am no longer available when it is convenient for him or should I continue to give in. When dad and me argue he takes dads side, which makes me mad as hell. He is the only boy, I have 3 girls also. What is your all opinion?

THAKS TO ALL, SOME COMMENTS WERE KIND OF FUNNY BUT YET STILL VERY HELPFUL! TO THOSE I E-MAILED I ESPECIALLY WILL USE MANY OF YOUR COMMENTS AND ADVICE IT REALLY DID MAKE SENSE....CONTINUE THE GOOD WORK!!!!

Answer 1

You don't have to tell him anything. Next time he comes for help with homework tell him it's HIS responsiblity and walk away (at 14 it IS his responsilbity). Next time he needs money tell him "The bank of mom" is closed. When you and his dad argue and he takes sides both you and your husband need to tell HIM to BUTT OUT. Your arguments are NONE of his business and you should not be allowing him to be in on them at all.

Answer 2

Tony Hi Sounds like you have a few issue's here.

First of 14 year old boys do know everything didn't you get the memo? LOL you need to stop arguing with him about it. Silence is a wonderful thing and very effective. Next time he argues about something with tell him to prove it and don't say another word. He won't know what to do with himself.

If he knows so much why are you helping him with his homework. Make him work that out himself. It sounds like you might be holding his hand a bit too much.

If he needs money tell him to get a job, he's old enough. If he's not doing chores around the house stop giving him permission to do anything. Start taking important things from him until he does.

Why are you and your spouse allowing him to take sides in an argument. Aren't you and Dad on the same team? You need to make a connection with Dad and get him on the same page as you . Who is your son to take anyone's side? He's your son not your boss or your husband.

Stop taking crap from him put your foot down and just say NO!!!

BTW you should be alot tire of his attitude. Fix it!!!

Hope that helps

Answer 3

First I'm going to go ahead and guess that the kid isn't stupid.
He's smart. And he's using everything to his advantage. Congratulations, YOU are a good mom.

BUT, you don't deserve to be treated like a bad one.
So first, talk to your husband. If need be, put your foot down ask him whether you're raising children TOGETHER or not. Parents (In most cases) need to be on the same page.

He needs to back YOU up, not your 14 year old. That's preposterous.

Second, do some of your own dirty work. It's pretty clear to me that he goes to you for everything either because you're the only one there, or you're the only one who will say 'yes'.
Say no. Especially while you still can. He's 14, at 16 he'll be a straight up rebel if you allow him to do everything he wants.
Stand your ground and be honest with him. Tell him that the way he's doing things doesn't work in the real world. He WON'T understand but tell him anyway, eventually he'll get it.

Third, Prove him wrong. You've got a lot of years of experience on him and some things you know come without thinking and to him are a complete mystery. Put him in his place by proving him wrong, don't be aggressive about it, it's not your GOAL to put him down, but to correct his wrongs.
That will help his perspective on where he stands in life.

Good luck with the boy, that's a very good question.

Answer 4

Ahh welcome to the world of a teenage ^_^ We know it all lol and just wait until he is 16 cause at the point we do know it all lol but I suppose the best thing to do is to catch him when he is wrong. Like get the answer to something difficult and ask him. He will answer and then you tell him the true answer if he doesn't believe you look it up together and prove it ^_^ thats what my folks did with me.. although I'm 15 now and my parents need me to turn the tv on and everything in the like, work the computer, type in numbers on the phone and pretty much everything else electronic lol oh and when you argue get your three girls on your side PMS POWER!!!!!

Answer 5

I feel for you - my fifteen year old is very lippy, too.
The answer is consistent discipline. And when I remember it, it works. Unfortunately when life is good and everyone is peaceful and calm, then I forget. But this is what I do.
I work out how much pocket money my child needs. I don't buy her clothes (except her school uniforms, her coats, a basic wardrobe at the change of seasons and something special if she needs it). So her spending money goes on her clothes, her mobile phone, etc.
I sat her down and I explained that I don't do backchat and cheek - she was welcome to speak to me and discuss things with me, but it has to be in a calm voice. I discussed jobs, which she has to do to earn her pocket money. And then I told her that every time she didn't do her jobs, she would lose £1. And every time she raised her voice, was rude or cheeky, she would lose £5.
And I try to stick to this. Unfortunately we often have such long runs of good behavior that when we have a breakout, I forget and start arguing with her, to persuade her. Bad mistake! You cannot win an argument with a teenager. Don't bother.
If you decide to do this, remember to write ti down and stick to it! Consistency is the key.

Answer 6

I believe it was Mark Twain who said, "When children turn thirteen, put them in a barrell and cut a hole in it....when they turn 19...plug up the hole". This is just a sucky age.

He is looking for autonomy and independence and he wants to be treated as an adult, even though he's not one.

Tell him that respect is a two-way street. Recognize that he is becoming a man but that you are still his mother. It would also be helpful for your husband to step up and inform him that disrespecting you is NOT an option. Real men respect women.

Don't pull away from him. Though he may not realize it, he needs you two now more than ever. However, don't let him walk all over you. Again, it's a two-way street. He needs help with homework and permission to do things and you need him to do his chores and treat you kindly.

Try not to argue with your husband in front of the children. It may make them feel insecure or feel it gives them something to use to manipulate you. You and your husband really need to be a team right now for your son. Always present a united front--kids always attack where the line is the weakest.

Answer 7

It sounds like the whole household situation needs to be more orderly. Chores for example should be already established, not just thrown on him on a whim. Chores = money. No chores, no money. No chores, then the answer is no when he wants permission to do something. You can't ignore him, you need to do exactly the opposite. And you don't ask him to do things, you tell him. But I just think kids deserve to know what is expected of them in terms of chores, they shouldn't be used as tools on call to suddenly do some extraneous work that you want them to do. Oh, and the bad attitude = no money as well and decreased permission to go places. You really have no choice with the permission slips, that's just routine stuff. Don't yell with him, you automatically lose when you do that and don't fight with his father in front of him. You need to get your husband in line as well as the kid.

Answer 8

That is teen talk,make yourself available when you think is right .

I made a schedule for each week for chores to be done,put up on the wall for all kids according to their age.
,believe me this works.

The time to go out has to be set otherwise make him stay back.

If you say NO for something don't change it later to a YES.

If you have dinner together ,talk to kids and listen attentively
as all need attention,and you will know more about them .

Don't let kids hear the arguments between you and your husband,its very hard but that effects them a lot.

If the girls are younger than him give him some responsibility for their home work,reading stories or play time with them.

And last not least appreciate him when ever he helps you or his sisters.
If we criticize the kids for something done wrong ,need to praise their good deeds to encourage them to do so more.

Answer 9

Been there. The funny thing is that when they're little YOU know everything. Forget the terrible 2s. I had 3 boys and it was the terrible teens. They're too old for what they've been having fun with and too young to go to the next level. As they get a little older you'll know something again. I promise. Mine are 34, 30 and 26 now. We laugh about those days now. Just learn to pick your battles with your kids. Just ask yourself if you REALLY want to get upset over this?

As far as homework is concerned, it IS his responsibility to get it done. But, if he needs help with it, that's his responsibility to get help whether it be from you or whomever.

Whether they admit it now they look to us for guidance. And, he comes to you even through all of this because you're there and he knows you will be. They love ya mom, even if they don't always show it. It'll be okay.

P.S........I was a single mom and did have to tell one of mine that as long as he lived under my roof and I supplied everything for him he had to follow my rules. We did compromise sometimes but it was minor. And, I've already heard him tell my grands that when they get too big for their britches. lol A mother's curse really does work. How 'bout that?

Answer 10

14 is an interesting age. It is the beginning of his teenage years and there is peer pressure in school. He is figuring out what is cool. He is searching for his own Independence. Teenagers claim they know everything even though they know they don't because they are starting to realize that they are getting closer to Independence. A parents role is to kind of sit back and just offer support because it is a long haul for then next 7 years he is going to be searching for who he really is. Obviously you cant tell him strait out but he needs a lot of sympathy and love and care. If he knows that he has unconditional support from his parents no matter what kind of mess he gets himself into. It will give him the confidence to learn about life on his own and to grow as a person on his own. That is what the teenage years are meant for. Personal growth in education, in morals, in opinions etc.
Good Luck with everything!

Answer 11

1. at 14 he does know it all , all a 14 yo can know he is also trying to become independent so some of it is to be expected. 2 Here's a good one don't do anything for him for a week or two, no homework ,room cleaning,laundry,cooking, rides, etc. none of it , he wants to be a grown up well grown ups gotta do their own stuff not mom. 3. and as for when you and hubby argue that should be private and kept between you and hubby none of your kids should be on anybody's side and if you are putting them in that position you're just plain wrong to do so. If he is interjecting himself into it then he needs to be told to butt out of the adult's business.