Daughter is 9, showers with dad or mum. Also, sleeps in bed with dad and mum. Mum does'nt make a secret of it to me. I say this is not right. Is it just me?
2007-05-19 17:37:17 · 31 answers · asked by kiwichickie 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well, at age 9, kids are probably matured enough to be more independent with things. It's not completely wrong, some people just take a longer time to out grow these things.
But if the people are friends of yours, then maybe you should drop some hints saying that it probably's better for them to form more independent habits for their daughter.
2007-05-19 17:51:12 · answer #1 · answered by faery_freak 2 · 7⤊ 9⤋
I have heard of something similar, it's a style of parenting, co-bonding or something. The idea is the child is with parents all the time, so that the bond between parent & child is "stronger".... SHRUG
I don't agree with a 9yr old child showering with a parent of the opposite sex. I know we have water restrictions but this is taking it a tad too far.....
As for the sleeping, well if the child is ok with it then I dont' see it's anyones business but the family. Only when the child wants to change but the parents refuse then should other adults step in and aid the child.
It's not a case of it being right or wrong, whats right for you maybe wrong for others....It's just not what we consider "the thing to do"...
I must say I have 5yr old twins and I don't share a bed with them because they are bed hogs !!!!!!
I would talk to the child alone to see how she really feels... let her know that you aren't taking sides and it's not right or wrong you just want to know how it makes her feel... But bear in mind she is also at the age where she will probably tell her parents you asked about this so beaware of backlash....
Good luck.. and it isn't you, this is not the "traditional" way we have been brought up to interact with children..
2007-05-20 02:42:03 · answer #2 · answered by Sharon P 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ok the sleeping you may catch some flack on because co sleeping is a big thing. I know someone who has 3 kids (6, 4 and almost 2) and they all sleep with her and her husband.
BUT i personally dont think the shower is right. Til a certain age is ok. But i have a 9 year old and 1 he would not be anywhere near the bathroom while i am.
I dont think it is a good thing there but the co sleeping is another issue. But at 9 it would be a good time to transition them to thier own bed and room. I guess friends sleeping over are not a staple to him yet.
2007-05-20 00:43:39 · answer #3 · answered by pandabr74 3 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Yep, dad showering with a 9 year old daughter isn't right. Showering with mom is fine. Co-sleeping is fine till the daughter feels like she doesn't want to sleep with them anymore. My dad peed in front of me once when I was about 11. I still have nightmares LOL. He was 72 years old though so I think it was more icky.
2007-05-20 01:03:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
At 9 a child really needs his or her own room, it's important they develop a sense of indepence and individuality - part of this is having posters on their bedroom walls, trinkets on display, personal choice in doona cover etc. The child learns to have some satisfaction in keeping his or her own room tidy and learns to spend some time alone either reading or listening to music as 'quiet time' before sleep. I don't think it's right to share a bed with parents at this age, although I've seen it happen with friends of mine too.
As far as the showering together goes, maybe occasionally as a child, but it should be phased out totally by the time the child is this age, well before puberty.
I have no idea what you would say to this person to make her see that it's not OK. It's her choice and she seems proud to discuss the 'closeness' in her family life.
2007-05-20 01:26:54 · answer #5 · answered by Sunny 1st 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I definitely would have to say that is not right. A nine year old does not need to be taking a shower with her father. I believe that its children who are exposed to such things as showering with a grown adult of the opposite sex can truly cause issues later in life. What if this nine year old gets an little older, and goes to high school and she thinks she is ready to shower with Joe Smoe from the basketball team. Girls these days are too willing to lay down and have sex. Maybe she'll think that its okay to be around guys naked, cause Dad and me even take showers together. I think that when children are exposed to sexual things at such an innocent and unknowing age later in life they may have sexual predator tendencies or maybe they start their sexual experiences at way too young of an age. Poor children!!!
2007-05-20 01:19:46 · answer #6 · answered by mking4483 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
9 is much too old to be showering or sleeping in the same bed as her parents. If this continues, I fear that she will be an extremely insecure person when she's older. Maybe you should take your friends aside and explain to them how this could damage their child psychologically, and you're only concerned for her well-being. If they're true friends, they will listen to all you have to say and consider all the pro's and con's of the situation. I hope this helps a bit, good luck!
2007-05-20 00:44:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
as a mother of 2 girls and 1 boy I'd have to say it depends on there religion and ethnic. My girls showered with there father till the age of 3. When they start to get curious and go whats that? you know it's time for them not to shower with daddy!!
sleeping on the other hand. I don't see anything wrong with that at all if it's a normal family and no molesting issues going on. My 6 yr old slept with us till she was 4. My 3 yr old still climbs in bed and my 18 month old always sleeps there. thats his bed!!
2007-05-20 00:49:44 · answer #8 · answered by sagekat81 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
looking at a lot of these answers is like a cartoon. the girl from Scandinavia is the most intelligent response. how is it possible that in modern America, anyone could possibly be so stupidly closed minded to think evil of every little thing. my god people this is not the dark ages, wake up. and you wonder why your kids grow up thinking that you are stupid. different cultural habits are cool, but don't knock some that are different than yours. evil does not lurk in every house.
2014-03-28 05:17:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way that is just disgusting to even hear... I think 9 years old is to to old to be sleeping or showering with parents especially her father.. I am not saying that he would do something to her but she can see his private areas come on, she is 6 years away from being 15 years old imagine that if they continue to let her.. That just sounds plain creepy & gross if you ask me,
2007-05-20 00:51:41 · answer #10 · answered by Veee Smitten 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't see a problem with families sharing the same bed, but a 9 year old taking a shower with her father is definitely crossing the line.
2007-05-20 00:45:39 · answer #11 · answered by Madre 5 · 8⤊ 1⤋