I'm sick of this - it's frustrating me... What can I do?

Question

It's been, what? Three years now since I started self-injuring. Why can't I stop? Severe injury scares me - the extreme self-harming people I just think about as if they're crazy. I could never go that far. I'm mild with my harming - and it only occurs a few days every few months. My depression has gotten better over the years - I'm still not, what you would say, happy though. Lately I've been feeling more out of whack, for lack of a better word. The symptoms of Depersonalization disorder seem to hit the nail with how I feel (and have been feeling). I tried, I really did, to go to therapy at my college campus. But I couldn't do it - I was too scared. I don't tell my family anything - they have no idea how I feel. I'm past 18 now so I don't feel burdened to say anything to them really. There's that common phrase "rollercoaster" in reference to emotions. I believe that my depression will worsen in the future and I may do something drastic that I'll regret. I just don't know what to do.

I found this: "Depersonalization disorder often begins in the late teens or early twenties..." which is interesting because I'm just about 20 years old now.

My method is not cutting - though that is the most common. I just hit myself onto walls until I bruise.

"Try to put it in perspective: you are more scared of talking to a therapist than you are of harming yourself intentionally?"
Bacially yes. I've always been independent - taking care of things myself. I want help - not from my family - but from myself. Now I feel like I can't help myself and I need to go to someone else, which is something I've never done before.

Answer 1

Hey, I know how you're feeling. I went through a depression my junior year of high school. I had mild self injury syndrome as well. I talked about it with my mom who totally understood, and she took me to a physcologist to get evaluated. And I got diagnosed with depression. I was scared the first time I got conseling, but you really have nothing to worry about. It's not as bad as you think. You just sit and talk, and if you have a good physcologist/phychiatrist, she will give you some comforting words. She or he may also give you medication. Medication may seem scary too. I was afraid to take it, but it really does work, and I'm back to myself because of it. I hope I helped to ease your fear a bit. I hope you get better soon because I know how painful depression is.

Answer 2

Try to put it in perspective: you are more scared of talking to a therapist than you are of harming yourself intentionally?

Call up and see if you can go anonymously -- that might take some pressure off. Take it one step at a time. Two heads are better than one, and just talking to someone might help you put your problem into some kind of perspective. YOU are the one who is going to have to do the hard work of curing yourself, but it really helps to have a sounding board or a guide.

Good luck, and don't be afraid. You can stop therapy at ANY point in the process.

Answer 3

What were you afraid of by going to therapy? Sometime people feel ashamed and don't want anyone to know. What you are going is through isn't uncommon but it can be frightening. If you are hurting yourself it's important to know why. Some people do it because they feel so detached from their body that the self-harming makes them feel something even if it's painful. Other people do it because they feel it releases shame or guilt or other negative emotions. A therapist or counselor can listen and help you learn to understand what is going on with you. Learning some positive coping strategies and self-soothing techniques can also get you thru the rough spots.

Some things you can try when you feel like hurting yourself might be to take a hot or cold shower, work with play dough or clay, doing something that involves touch or texture to get you in contact with your body. Regular massages can also be helpful because you get positive, nurturing and healing touch. Meditation, yoga, and the like can also be helpful to help you learn to relax, connect with your breath and get grounded when you become detached or anxious.

Still, as a therapist, I hope you can get the courage to find someone you can trust and talk with so you can learn to deal with your feelings without hurting yourself.

Answer 4

There is a first time for everything, and it may well be that time for you to reach out for professional help, now that you have broken the ice by seeking it here. See self harm and depression treatments at http://www.ezy-build.net (.net.nz/~shaneris) on pages 4 & 2.

Answer 5

Sweetheart, if you couldn't reach a book you'd stand on a chair-if you couldn't see street signs you'd get glasses. You don't grow your own food or build your own car. See a physician . That IS the way to help yourself. When I was about your age I would cut myself between my wrists and elbows and beat my thighs unmercifully.It took meds to stop, but I don't need them anymore. do the right thing

Answer 6

what you term "mild self-injury", will lead to "severe" self-injury if you don't get help. cutting is cutting, whether it's every day, or once a month.

since you don't "feel" as though you are obligated to tell your parents, which you aren't, then i doubt that you really want help at all. would you want to know if your mother was hurting herself? or your sister? no one is "obligated" to help you, if they knew, but they would if you needed them.

"i believe my depression will worsen...". well, i think it will too. you need help, and i think you'll feel better when you get it. otherwise, why come on here for solutions. you'll get help when you want to, not if your family wants you to.

good luck.

Answer 7

please go to this website: www.ilovemeinc.com. if you read it, do what it says it could change your life.