My mother never was a good mother. She left when I was a baby. I thought that we were getting closer after?

Question

I had to go live with her. She kept intouch after I moved out for a while then suddenly she has stopped. Befor that though,I was hurting so I confronted her on all the bad feelings I had towards her then I was the one always comming back to appologise then I begged and begged her not to leave she promised she wouldn't and guess what she has. She is so cold even after my dad just died this Jan 4 of this year she still doesn't call or nothing. She's gone. What am suppose to do?

Answer 1

how old are you?
if over 18, hunny, move on
she is NEVER going to BE a mother

Answer 2

She seems like she has some emotional problems and attachment issues. She's been like this for a long time, so it's going to take just about a miracle for her to change. The only thing you can do is just assume the role of the responsible adult and let her know that you still love her and will always be there for her. Just use her for an example how not to treat your kids if you decide to have any. Maybe she will come around, maybe not... but its not your fault and there's nothing you can do about it. You may have to just try to move on with your life and just hope she will take the initiative to eventually contact you again. I'm sorry about your dad, I know how that feels cause I lost mine too.

Answer 3

Oh honey, I am so sorry that you have to suffer through a bad relationship with your mother. "Don't seek love from the devil"- Dr. Schlesinger
this quote is a metaphor if your mother is going through "a selfish and irresponsible" stage (which it sounds like she has done for most of your life). She is never going to be able to be the mother you want no matter how much you want her to be- or you try to connect with her. The only thing you can control is yourself and how you react to her disappointing you again and again. I would try to pray and reflect on myself to be stronger to let go of hope for a typical mother daugher relationship if she is not capable of giving you that. Just take what you can get and move on with your life. I read a book by Dr. Laura called 'Bad Childhood, Good Life'. Which is where I got that quote from, it changed my life. I too, had a very dysfunctional relationship with both my parents. This too shall pass, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Best of luck to you.
P.S. I am sorry about the passing of your father. :(

Answer 4

Have you ask her why she is doing this? Perhaps she has a mental or emotional problem which is stronger than her positive resolve is. Maybe she has been abused as a child by someone close (parent, relative)? It is often that an abused person prefers not to get close to people, even their own children, out of fear that they (the abused) are being hurt all over again.
You can find her with the help of a private detective (PI), and when you do talk to her calmly about her problem. She seems to have more problems than you have.

Answer 5

That is so sad. Your mother is a very indecent person, I know that it may seem like I maybe am sticking up for your mother but...

Maybe after all of this time she is too afraid to start a relarionship with you after all of these years. I know that my mother was. My mom left me when I was two, the only difference between us now is that I never lived with her after that.

I think that you confessing your feelings to your mother was a very brave thing for you to do. I still haven't worked up the courage to do that yet.

My advice to you is to continue pushing yourself onto your mother until she realizes that you really want her to be in your life. If she dosen't respond well to you doing that then just stop and wait and wait and wait. She WILL adventually come around, even if it dosen't happen in a pretty way, she'll come around.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation, if you need any advice or just someone to talk to then go to my profile page and email me. Or you can just email me at [e-mail].

P.S. I'm 16 so maybe we can relate.

Answer 6

Honey I'm so sorry. I want you to know that GOD loves you regardless of whether she does or not. HE knows everything about you good and bad and loves you in spite of the bad.HE will NEVER leave you or forsake you.If you need someone to talk to just e-mail me @ [e-mail].
Visit a United Pentecostal church sometime.I think You'll like it.I have to say though,I have a much stronger bond with my brothers and sisters in the LORD than my own flesh and blood family.

Answer 7

Well , first know the facts, see what her situation is, has she got problems, does she tink ur better off without her, know the facts first, da truth, then judge,anyting cud be going on with ya mother, maube she feels sad and does not want u to hate her dats she she tinks its betterfor u not to be with her, mayeb she protection u, find out first den decide.

Answer 8

coming from someone who knows all about this b/c my mother is the same way the best thing to do is just forget about having a close relationship with her of course respect her after all she is ur mother but getting too close is just going to cause u more hurt

Answer 9

Hard to know what to tell you since I don't know your age. If you are an adult and supporting yourself, I think you just need to try to forget her and move on with your life. Consult with a therapist or clergy because you need to work through this or it will fester more and more and disrupt your relationships.

Answer 10

You need to see a therapist. You have abandonment issues and it's not your fault. She has commitment problems. This is something you need professional help with. yahoo answers is not sufficient. Call your county mental health association for a referral