When do you sit back and realise that you have no control over your child and that placing her in the states care just might be the better option for them? I know i am gonna get flak over this, but i am at the point where i think that my daughter might be better off without me. She basically hates me, disrespectful, defiant, skips school, sexually active, lies, steals, runs away, hangs with terrible kids.... etc etc. I have tried for the past year to get help through counseling and therapy, but nothing is helping. I truely belive that maybe she needs more than I can help her with. Do you think that sending her to stay in a group home until she turns 18 would be better or worse for her? I think if she continues down the road she is on now... she just might end up pregnant and on welfare, droping out of school. I am so lost!
2007-05-19 14:23:40 · 11 answers · asked by Jackie P 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I agree with trying the boot camp option first.
I have to agree with you though. Sometimes the best thing you can do is send the kid away, if for no other reason than to get them away from the bad element. In my childhood neighbor's case, she sent her teenaged son to his aunt and uncle's (on the opposite coast) and he actually did turn around. This is mostly because he was no longer able to be in contact with the bad element he'd been hanging with. If you have that option, it may be an opportunity to try. He actually turned out to be quite a successful businessman.
There are many parents who try and try but drugs really take over their children's lives. This may already be the problem, unfortunately. Also, have you considered she may be bipolar?
2007-05-19 15:03:14 · answer #1 · answered by TotalRecipeHound 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your local child services office should have some resources available as to what kind of alternative schooling or disciplinary/behavior modifications are available in your area. They might even be able to help pay for it if you qualify. Don't give up on your daughter; it sounds like she's really needing you right now, even though she's not directly telling you that. Her actions seem to state that loud and clear. You're obviously worried and you care a great deal about her well-being, health, and safety. The guidance counselor at her school might also have some resources or information available as well. And take care of yourself, too. See if there's any parenting support groups in your area. You need support and encouragement, and it's nice to know that you're not the first nor will you be the last to have such issues with your kid. Good luck and stay strong!
2007-05-19 21:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough love type situation.
They have boot camps everywhere in the U.S. for teens like that. Look into one of those. Really it sounds like you need knock the crap out of her but she will retaliate. If not by hitting back in other ways.
Stop taking this S H I T off of her. Here's how you handle her. Make yourself unavailable. Stop being her mother. Because the one thing I dont think you realize she needs you more then you need her.
Withdraw her from School tell her you thought she didn't want to go and now she doesn't have too. She steals and you know it. Why haven't you called the poice? Have her arrested a few times and see how that does for her.
When she runs away don't let her back in. Make her realize she needs you and that you just don't care anymore. I know it doesn't make sense but give her what she wants and she won't want it anymore. She is defying you because you are reacting to it stop reacting to it and give her everything she wants.
She wants to be a criminal then let her be one. Call the cops when she does something illegal. She wants to have sex give her condoms. She runs away don't let her back in. She wants to be an adult let her. She discover it's not so easy.
Or you could do the motherly thing and tell her how much she is hurting you and that you love her.
Or you could move.
Or you could send her to me and I'll straighten her *** out in about a week.
See if there is a scared straight program in your area. Send her there. That will wake her up a bit too.
It's a tough situation to be in. But I think the tough love route by far is the best.
2007-05-21 14:34:41 · answer #3 · answered by raymond E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you have truly and honestly been seeking help for this matter (As you said you have,) then perhaps it may be in her best interest. HOWEVER, don't ship her off somewhere where you can just ditch her and forget her. That will add to the problems. She will think you neglected her and hated her so you sent her away to forget she existed. Have her in a place nearby where you can visit VERY frequently, and try to remain close to her. She may disrespect you or treat you badly, but even through all that, still show her that you want to be in her life and help her as much as you can. It may or may not work, but at least you can say you tried. She may "hate" you more for it, but if she is in a secure, loving, and quiet place with other kids like her, it may be an enriching environment. Also, seek something for yourself, because there maybe somethings for you to do to help you reach out to her better, level with her, and not to mention help you personally with anything you may need. (i.e: a support group with other parents like yourself.) Good luck, and I pray that something good comes from this for BOTH of you.
2007-05-19 21:34:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing I bet you're going through hell and your daughter is not even aware of what she's doing. I know it's really hard for you and I'm sure you have your daughters best interests at heart. You didn't say how old she is but I'm guessing she's a teenager and going through that nightmare period. Have you tried sitting and talking or is she not having that?
Has she had some sort of trauma in her life, she may well have done and has not been able to tell you about it. Be gentle but firm with her, keep telling her that you love her and that it doesn't matter what she has to tell you, she can tell you anything and you won't get angry. (you may well get angry but try to react in a proactive way and try really hard not to show this) Kids behave in so many different ways nowadays that it's very hard for parents now I think, thank goodness mine have grown up and got through that difficult bit. Be positive and I;m sure you'll work through it. Good luck.
2007-05-19 21:35:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you sent her to one of those places you would in NO WAY be giving up your rights as the mother. You would loose some control but you would maintain your legal status as her mother. It sounds like she is out of control and everything you tried has failed. A group home or therapeutic placement might be the best thing for her. You dont want her to end up in jail or pregnant. If you are not involved w juvenile probation already you should be - they can place her. Has anyone filed a PINS petition? If not that would be a good start. - contact local probation office.
Used to work in child welfare
2007-05-19 22:56:27 · answer #6 · answered by jillmarie2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old she is. Before you give up your parental rights try this. There a re a number of groups that can help you ,possibly, place your daughter in a BOOTCAMP for troubled kids. Some of the talk shows, like Maury, know where about these camps. If you contact them they may be able to help you. She sounds like she has a terrible case of self esteem and whenthat happens they generally take it out on the person closest to them.
2007-05-19 21:33:20 · answer #7 · answered by SueBee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are her mother. You will be abandoning her if you do this. Put your foot down which is what she wants you to do! She is doing this to get back at you for something or maybe you were not there enough. If it were my daughter in this situation, I'd talk to her sternly, beat her, and then put her in a different school to teach her that I meant business. Then I'd move her *** across the country for a fresh start. Don't loose the child because you feel helpless. Get help for yourself!
2007-05-19 21:56:45 · answer #8 · answered by noitall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, your daughter didn't develop her behavior overnight. All the bad behavior she displays tells me you didn't do much disciplining in the home during her formative years! If you're that willing to give up your rights, then maybe you're not who's best for her! You need counseling as much as your daughter does because you're not being real here. You're putting out the vibe as being a victim and I don't buy it.
2007-05-23 15:43:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somehow I doubt some state run group home is going to be any more capable of taking care of her.
I think you need to find a better option.
2007-05-19 21:39:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋