Soon-To-Be Military Wife!!!!!!!?

Question

My boyfriend soon to be husband and I are planning to get married after we both finish school before he goes back into the Army and then I will be able to go back with him as his wife. I was wondering if the military wives & fiances could give me any advice on what to expect from military life??? Could you all possibly tell me some differences between military and civilian life??? Thanks In Advance for not giving any unneccessarily rude answers:).

To Mr. Ratty Boo:
Let me tell you somethings: 1st of all I am not in high school I am already a college graduate going back to school or college for my Master's degree. And my fiance is not in high school either as you should have read I said "before he goes back into the military." And your ridiculous answer is why I said no rude answers because people like you tend to use Q&A things like this to voice your opinion because you know that you can not show your face. Thank you and have a nice day!!!:)

Thanks to everyone who has provided me with great answers they are really appreciated. I will use the websites that you all gave me; I am pretty sure that they will come in handy. I was his girlfriend for the last year of his military experience, before he re-enlist we are both going back to school and then getting married; so I know a little about it already just not from a wife's point-of view. Thanks to you all!!!!
To "J" all of your statistics are wrong. No babies here, no low self esteem either. So add me to your statistics for you being wrong!!!!!LOL

Answer 1

PLEASE dont listen to all of these RUDE answers that you have been getting, I have been a military wife now for almost 6 years. 4 as a Marine wife and 2 as a Army wife( and for anybody with anything to say, it is the same man he just transfered branches!) I am not overweight, I did graduate from high school and I am half way thru college (with two children). But I would have to say a lot of the differences I have experienced ( and everybody will have a different experience depending on what your husbands MOS is) But my husband is a Corrections Specialist and he workd shift work. 12 hour shifts, sometimes 7-8 days on 1-2 days off, lots of training on his days off. I guess really the main difference is long work schedules, being away from each other for different types of training. Then there is always the possibiity of deployments which you wouldnt have in a civilian career. Sometimes it is frustrating not seeing each other very much and not getting a lot of time together as a couple. But with a strong and healthy relationship you will be fine. You also always have to deal with the stereotype that always goes along with a military wife ( and sure their are numerous women who let themselves fit this stereotype) but hey it comes with the territory! LOL Currently my husband is on a 12 month unaccompanied tour to Guantanamo Bay Cuba, it is heartbreaking to be away from each other, but you have to expect that being married to a soldier! I would have to sum it up by saying that military life is a little more stressful sometimes then the civilian life, it will either make you or break you. You seem like a very level headed woman and I am sure you will be fine as long as you continue to work on your career and yourself and not be one to only follow your husband around and only live through his life!!! You will be fine!!! If you have any specific questions feel free to email me. [e-mail]

Answer 2

Reading your question it sounds like your husband was prior service and is going back into the Army upon graduation. Although he was single at the time he was in he may have some information on what your expectations can be. Maybe he even has some married contacts who are still in the Army that he can call. I am a Marine corps spouse but military life is only different from civilian life when the spouses deploy. There seems to be a tight knit community among the military spouses. Kind of an attitude that we're all in the same boat and everyone else is just like me. You probably plan on working so you will be busy with work and will do networking there as well but I am sure the Army has spouse volunteer networks and classes that help you get acustom to military life and what you can expect as the Marine Corps does. Good luck with everything and with school. Congratulations on your engagement too!!

Answer 3

It's not an easy life and completely different from civilian life. Most of us live right above the poverty level and just make it from paycheck to paycheck, even with housing and food allowances. Keep yourselves out of debt and you'll do alright.

You've gotta be able to handle long distance relationships and have a lot of patience. The Army will come first in your marriage and you have to accept that. And do what you can to make your husband's life easier. So many of these girls get on the phone with their deployed husbands and argue and the guys don't need that crap. They have enough to deal with.

I think the hardest part of it all is the deployments, and NO ONE except the wives who have been there and done that will understand. It really, really sucks. And you might as well accept the fact now that he will deploy.

Even my friends who's husbands haven't deployed yet don't get it. And right now I feel like the third wheel and the fifth well, etc since I'm the only one who's husband is deployed. Every one else's deploy towards the fall. By then mine will be coming home :-)! And there's nothing like that in the world! It's the most wonderful day, and it'll stick in your mind forever...right up there with your wedding day.

But this life will become normal to you. You'll learn to adapt and deal with it all in time. Your life will be different from that of your non-military friends, but in some ways you'll learn to appreciate it. You're leaving behind everything you know to support the man you love, and you'll get to experience so much. I never thought I'd live this close to the ocean, or be taken on dates to a small place where I can sit on a deck right on the beach and eat seafood. It never snows here, and spring comes early and is beautiful.

And for most women, deployment will bring you and your husband closer together. My marriage wasn't going that great until my husband deployed for the first time. He really learned to appreciate me while he was gone. When he came home, we were a lot closer, but it made this deployment sooo much harder. You'll become close to him too because friends are difficult to keep around military bases. You learn to say good bye quite often. I've developed some close friends here in the last few months and I'll have to say goodbye to them about 2 months before my husband returns. I'm dreading that two months.

Good Luck, and remember, we're the heros on the homefront. We're strong woman who know how to carry on.

So, Hold your head up high, hang that flag in your front yard, stick 100 magnets on your car, and then give yourself a pat on the back.

Answer 4

Amy,

First, you seem to have your head together more than most young couples. That's a good thing.

Second: Family Services has been suggested. I may have missed it, but the Chaplain's office wherever your husband is or is to b e stationed can also put you in touch with support groups. It's not a religious thing. It's getting help from an office designed to support the troops and their families.

As one other poster, I too was in the Navy. That branch has "The Navy Wives Club." I would guess the Army has a similar organization. These organization consist of women who've been there and have learned to cope.

Third: there are some exceptional posts here. Kudos to those posters. To the others... enough said.

Finally: best of luck... to you both.

Answer 5

OK I'M not a military wife but I am a Navy brat. :D It's war time and he may or may not go back. If he's already ben. Always write him when he's gone. You can send him care packages too. Just make sure to do for him as much as he does for you. Don't be like a lot of wives are and get buck wild when he's gone cause you got a **** load of freedom. Just expect him to be gone a lot and you have to be the one to keep things in order. He's doing his job so you gotta do your job at home. When you have kids. Tell them what daddy does and take them to see him off when he's shipping out. People think the military is financially easier. It is is some ways but not in others. Stuff may be tax free but they hit you with this sur charge that's just like paying tax. remember that what you do on base or in military eyes will reflect on him and it could either hurt him or advance him. Depending on weather you like to travel or not. Go to as many places as you can. We lived in a bunch of places and It was very beneficial. my 2 brothers and I are trilingual. Not to mention we know a lot about different cultures and lifestyles. Being a military wife is fun and beneficial. It has its up and its down but as long as you and you husband work together and keep communication open then everything will work out wonderful. Congrats!!!

Answer 6

this biggest difference is the support and constant not being in one place for a long time. you are marrying the military this is not a choice but you love the person in the military and if this is what makes him happy it will or should also make you happy. it is better i believe to go on base as a wife when in the military other than girlfriend as the military wont really reconize you untill you are married unfortunatly. be prepared for extra hardships and experiences that most civilian wives may never encounter. a good tool for questions about certain benefits and tools too is www.military.com. even through all the troubles i wouldnt trade being a military wife for anything i love my husband and he has a job to go to everyday with a salary so there is no guessing on how we are going to pay the bills along with good benefits. good luck and congrats.

Answer 7

I'm not a wife, I'm a husband, but I am in the Military. Do yourselves a favor and don't get too involved with other people's lives. My brother and his wife got way too close with other couples and just got divorced (he too was a military member). Love eachother, and don't let life seperate you too much.
Make sure to spend time with eachother, don't get caught up in the party life (it's big in the military). Find wives like you that can hang out with when deployments happen.
To be really, really honest, a lot of cheating happens in the military. Make sure to be careful with your friends (especially military), there a few you can trust, many more you can't.
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, but if you guys can, have you tried having a career besides the military? I know it's not as predictable and easy as the military, but Deployments are the hardest thing a newly married couple can go through, and in the Army, he'll be gone for a year or more, probably twice during his enlistment period.

Answer 8

I am 20 years old and just had a baby on May 1st. My husband is in the Marines and let me just tell ya, its NOTHING like I thought it would be! I mean theres so much pride knowing your husband is making a difference in the lives of so many people. But then its SO lonely sometimes. My husband was in Iraq for 7 months of my pregnancy and is going back in November for another 7 months. Those are the worst times of your life, because all you can do is pray and wait for a phone call. But then there are the times when they are home and you get to do all the fun stuff like meeting all their friends, going to the Ball, and just living in a military town is fun. But their time clock is totally screwed up, there will be nights he wont get home till 9pm then be back out at 5am. Its alot different but its totally worth it. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

first of all, welcome to the family. I am an Army wife going through my first deployment. There is a sense of honor when you are part of military life. you walk with your head held high knowing your husband is fighting for you and your future family. Not to mention the United States of America. Deployments are hard and no one but military personel knows this. They dont understand and they never will. We have a bunch of groups for military wives on myspace not to mention the support system on base. We are strong woman for taking on the hardest job in the military...The Military Wife. A few pointers if you go through deployment...DONT WATCH THE NEWS! Trust me! And all the rumors of cheating, that is only forthepeople that do not have a strong marriage. Good Luck! I will pray for the both of you!

Answer 10

As with evert opportunity, it is what you make of it. The military life comes with heaps of benefits. Every time we get to pick orders I get really excited because that means my life can completely change. I have lived in Italy and in Japan. My child has life experiences others would kill for. He is international and has been jet setting since he was 2. We have seen a lot and done a lot on the dime of the military. They pay you more to go overseas and the schools are american and world class. Housing is usually ok- but its free. What other civilian company gives you free housing, utilities and medical care?
Living civilian can be as exciting but you have to work harder to get there. And civilian that are sent abroad to work usually are sent without the support systems of the military.
Just dig your heels in for a wild long ride and enjoy it. Support your husband- his job is hard and love each other. Home is where your heart is.