Guilty over brother's suicide...?

Question

Is it normal to feel guilty over a loved ones' suicide? My little brother committed suicide 2 yrs ago. And I feel guilty for moving on. It is still VERY TRAUMATIC for me but I have been able to heal a little. When I do things that we would have been doing I feel horrible. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

My much-loved boyfriend commited suicide 15 years ago, and my guilt has subsided only in the past couple of years. What did it for me was the realization that he was not in his right mind when he chose to end his life. If he had been, he wouldn't have done it; he would have understood the wake of destruction it leaves behind.
When engaging in an activity I know he would enjoy, I talk to him and include him in my enjoyment. I still get angry with him sometimes. Fortunately, I've moved on to other relationships, but he is always at the back of my mind. I miss him, but I have faith that he's around a lot of the time.
As for some of the other answers, losing a loved one to suicide is VERY different from losing someone to an illness. Nobody understands this unless it has touched their life.

Answer 2

Of course, it is very traumatic for you and your family. What you are experiencing is normal. It has been two years and you said that you have been able to heal a little. First two years are very difficult. You will always think about him and the feelings will come with that. Gradually feelings will not be as painful as you experience now-a-days. You can do something like helping to prevent suicide. There are many organizations that you can find out by going to the website. It is good to do that and you will feel better. You can also do something that your brother would have loved to do. Give yourself sometime and time is a great healer. Take good care of yourself while dealing with this trauma. If you feel that the pain gets unbearable then there is no harm to get help from the councilors. It seems to me that you are handling it okay.

Answer 3

What a terrible thing to have happened - no wonder you have conflicting feelings now. Even though you have no reason to feel guilty, I believe that's a natural and understandable reaction to the tragic loss of your younger brother.

Have you had any counselling or bereavement therapy? If not, do consider it; it really should help ease any guilt you are feeling. There may be things you can say to a counsellor that you find you don't say to family and friends; sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger.

Another idea is to find a support group; there, you'd meet other people who have gone through a similar experience.

Eventually you will find it easier to move on and enjoy life - two years is actually not that long a time considering the traumatic nature of your brother's death. If it's any consolation, I lost my father three years ago under terribly traumatic circumstances - and like you, I'm still having problems moving on.

So go easy on yourself, and do try and find a really good counsellor.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 4

You can't help but to feel guilty, and it's not your fault. Your brother wouldn't have wanted to dwell on his death. It's all right to take a little time every once in a while to think of the good times you've spent with him. That's how we all cope with death. You will never forget him but you do have to move on. Try to find something you like to do. Maybe you can help troubled kids or volunteer or donate to organizations that help prevent suicide. Doing things like these honors your brother's memory and helps you to gain perspective in your own life. I'm sorry for your loss, however, you do have the strength to carry on with living. Good Luck =0)

Answer 5

I can relate. My grandma died unexpectedly three years ago (not a suicide, but still out of the blue) and I feel bad for going on with my life sometimes. We were extremely close.

The way I look at it is that she wouldn't want me to be depressed or sad for the rest of my life because she's gone. Hopefully she and your brother are in a better place where they're happy. What helps me is going to her grave on her b-day, mother's day, etc. and just talking to her for a bit. That way she still knows I care about her and remember her. It's important to move on. You're doing the right thing. Good luck with healing.

Answer 6

Dont feel guilty for you moving on. That is part of the healing process. It gets better with time. And your brother would want you to move on rather than staying stuck on it. I know it has had to be hard but, you must move on to gain back your place in life. I wish you the best of luck. God Bless!

Answer 7

yes i think it is normal to feel this way. my brother also committed suicide. when you are feel guilty for moving on, i think it may help you to think what you re brother would want you to do with your life. i think he would have wanted you to have a good and full life as possible. your brother would not want you to suffer in your life, the way he did. i know it is very hard for you, as it is for me. it is traumatic, and your thoughts of your brother will be in your heart the rest of your life. some grief counseling may help. see if you can live your life the best you can, in your brothers memory, as i think that's what he would have wanted. hope this helps you in the rest of your life.

Answer 8

I'm not sure I'm of much help. But you might benefit from looking for some books e.g. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Coping-Suicide-Overcoming-Common-Problems/dp/0859698718
or stuff by Kay Redfield Jamison.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel guilt after the suicide of a loved one. In fact I would say you weren't normal if you *didn't* feel guilty.

Answer 9

Its human nature to feel guilty of ones loss.
But its not your fault, He did it to himself. You have to move on.
When my mom passed away I felt guilty for a while also, I was dwelling in coulda, woulda, shoulda, then my work and friends had to council me because my way of thinking was changing from good to worse.
Hope you can over come this speed bump in your life. Its hard but you should over come it.

Answer 10

Whilst i can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with, it is good that you are moving on. You have your own life to live and shouldn't feel guilty to try and enjoy it.