Problems w / my son and his gf ?

Question

My son is 21 yrs old and still lives at home his gf 22 yrs old (mother of his son)also lives with us.My son became a dad at age 19 but luckily he is a mechanic so he does get a decent paycheck and his gf is still in college graduating this year but she works part time 3-4 days a week as a secretary.Problem is the two of them still act like teenagers?They only pay 250 dollars a month in rent but dont clean up after themselves or not very well if they do so i end up doing it not to mention their laundry.They also over spend on whatever their whims may be.I baby sit my grandson a lot more than i feel i should have to because they want to go out.I even had too bail the two of them out of jail for indecent exposure!They are not descreet about their sex life at all.I fear for my grandson because neither one of them sets rules for him they let him do whatever he wants they also buy him whatever he wants.What can i do?

My younger daughter who is 16 complains because the hog up the upstair b-room to have sex and are also not very quiet in their own room.Family members have walked in on them because they donr always use their room.

Answer 1

The problem is they are still looking to you to be the parent - this is largely because you are the parental figure. Until they get on their own, you'll have little luck - I fear.

If he's getting a decent paycheck, they should be able to make it.

They aren't acting responsibly like adults because they don't have to. Necessity is the mother of invention - and you need to let go.

Answer 2

It sounds like it's time to stop being a mother and start being a landlord.
Sit them down and have a talk with them about what is expected of them while they are under your roof. This should not only include them doing all of their own cleanup and laundry, but also saving money to get their own place. In fact, you could raise the rent and tell them the extra money they are giving you will go into an account they can use when they are looking for an apartment or house...put restrictions on the money, tell them that if they save money in a separate account that you will match that money up to the amount that they have paid extra in rent. So if they pay 100 extra dollars a month, in 12 months you will have saved 1200 dollars...if they also have a savings account you will match whatever they have saved up to that 12000 dollars...if they don't save that much the extra money can go into an account for your grandchild.
When they run out of clothes they will do their own laundry, and you need to put your foot down and limit the amount of babysitting you are doing. Tell them straight out "I will babysit X number of times a month, I absolutely will not babysit more then that." Say it and mean it....they are taking advantage of you, and you are letting them.

Stop being an enabler mom, I know it's hard but it's time they grow up and start acting like the parents.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

Number 1: Don't coddle them! Set ground rules and stick firmly to them. It's YOUR house; YOU rule.

Number 2: Rarely babysit for them. Their child is their responsibility. A break occasionally is fine, but it you feel like you're raising the child then you're helping way too much!

Number 3: Make them move out if they can't follow YOUR rules. Cleaning up after themselves is a must! Doing their laundry is a must. It sounds like you are their maid (must be nice)! Privatizing their sex life should also be on that list (a two year-old doesn't need to be exposed to sex). Don't let them take advantage of you, which is exactly what they're doing. Stop enabling their bad behavior.

Number 4: A grown man, 21 years-old, needs to support his family in his OWN home. Tell him it is time for him to find an apartment, and fly from the nest. There is government help/assistance. Give them a hand UP, not a hand out.

Answer 4

I would suggest sitting your son and his gf down and creating some kind of contract between them and you and your husband. They are parents now and need to stop acting like teenagers. They need to clean up after themselves, pay their rent on time (and maybe raise the $$ a little) and tell them that you are not their babysitter. (but will babysit from time to time, but with adequate notice) Bailing them out of jail for indecent exposure - maybe letting them sit in jail for the night would've cooled them off (LOL) And regarding the descreetness of their sex life and exposing that to grandbaby, well maybe when they decide to get amourous for the evening baby can be elseware. They need parenting classes in order to deal with their child better - indulging him now at a young age will only get worse as time goes on.
They should be doing their own laundry and if it continues to be just laying around - DON'T DO IT they'll get the message sometime. If they break this contract - give them a warning first. (kind of like a free-bee) but if it happens again, give them an ultimatum. The third time - evict them. No more chances.

Answer 5

A lot of parents think they are helping but they are really enabling the situation. I would never let a girl move into my house with my son. I don't know what you were thinking. Then you do their laundry! Leave it in their room and make them do it. I think they need a taste of the real world. Give them 30 days notice to find a new place to live. If you still feel that they are not responsible for your grandchild's well-being, then go to court and get custody. You are the parent and you need to act like one. I am not trying to be mean or insensitive but you did bring a lot of this on yourself. You are an enabler and you need to realize this for yourself. It will be hard to let go but they are both adults and not your responsibility at this point. You raised your son and now it is time to push him out of the nest. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Just tell them: Once the gf graduates, your gift to them will be a deposit on their own place. Pick up some boxes and start cleaning house, pack the extra towels for them, a can opener, whatever extra dishes, a pot. Make it a visible reminder that they need to start anticipating what they will need to furnish the apartment. Take him to rent a center or big lots and price a small dining room set and living room set. He's gonna need it.

They are going to have to learn to do it. Eventually one of them will learn to discipline the child. It's just self defense. Right now you're their crutch.

Also: We have a rule. Your room is your room, the rest of the house is mine. Do the nasty in there.

Do not do their landry. Solves that, doesn't it?

If they're overspending tell them the price of rent just went up (cost of utilities, gas, food). You can take the extra rent and buy bonds for your grandchild, or save up for a nice cruise for your and your 16 year old, who also needs the break. They can never pay in money for what you are doing for them, anyway.

So, Congrats to the girl with the Diploma!! Ya'll have a great life.....bye.....

Oh, and P.S.: We do not bail you out of jail. Cross that line and deal with it yourself. (That would be the day.)

Answer 7

i would defently set some rules or tell them to move out your grandson needs to know who his parents are and who cares for him. and what the rules are.
i am only 21 but i have a 2year old girl and she has only every been away from me 3 nights since she was born i dont relie on anybody else she is my baby my responsibiliy she even was with me when i gave birth to my second daughter in august 06 at 20weeks genistation. i am now 35 weeks pregnant and would want her 2 be with me all the time :)

Answer 8

If i was in your shoes i would help them find a place of there own , tell them it time for them to grow up and be preants. also if they keep on at the rate of getting in troble you know the state can take the child away, the state can take the child away it called unfit preants. so they need to grow up for the child.... i would offer to keep the baby only ween they work. and every other sat so they could have a lil time together.


I am 24 years old i moved out at 18, i had my first child at 19 my mom help me and my hubby start buying our first home. she gave us the money to put down on it. but she know we were young and strugging. i now have my sound child and i can say it got more expancive then ween i had my first. i wish i could steal live at home and not have the stress of bills and hosptal bills. my sound one has stayed sick from the time she was born.

women your way to nice and good heart person.

Answer 9

You need to lay down the law! Tell them (and write down on a piece of paper) certain things that they can and can't do while they live in your house! Make them sign the paper and when they do, keep that paper in a safe place. If they refuse to sign the paper or break one of the rules, give them a 30-day notice

Answer 10

Stop doing their laundry! make them share some of the responsibility! IF you feel you are babysitting your grandson more than you think you should stop doing it! YOu have a life too ! YOU are not their live in babysitter and if you do babysit, I would charge them! Stop babying them and supporting them, they need to grow up or you will have them living with you for the rest of your life! sorry to be so blunt