How Would you do This??

Question

My bf and I have been together for 4 years and we have 2 wonderful kids together our son is 2 years old and our daughter is 8 months old. Things are really bad between us and I know it is better for both me and the kids if him and I weren't together. I still Love him but it is only because him and I have children together. I am not sure how to approach him about this with out him getting really mad and flipping out. I am scared of what he would do. I am also a young mom to I am only going to be 21 in July. Any suggestion or even someone that would be willing to talk would be really good you can reach me on yahoo messanger [e-mail]

Thank you.

Answer 1

You sound like me 30 years ago. I had to leave with the kids but did so the most diplomatic way I could. While it was hard, I just told him that I couldn't love him the way he wanted me to, that the love had changed to that of what I felt for my brother. I was scared, too. The real reason I was leaving (which I only recently confided to him) was because he'd started doing dummy dust again (cocaine) and his temper was getting out of control -- accusing me of things I wasn't guilty of and flaring up at me infront of the kids. I knew better than to confront him with his drug use as it would only put him on the defensive and into denial and rage. I waited for the right time, when his mood was more stable and was able to make arrangements to live with my sister and her family temporarily. He was crushed but agreed that if I was that unhappy it was no good for us or the kids to stay in the marriage. It hurt both of us terribly and it wasn't perfect but eventually after we both had gone through the hurt and the anger, years later, he conceded it was the right thing to do and that neither of us were at fault. We eventually became very good friends, able to help each other out with relationship problems or just everyday quandries.

I don't know if my experience will be of any help to you, sweetie. I can only hope you are able to find some way to get out with as little grief as possible.

Answer 2

Approach it very carefully. I would suggest having someone there with you, so they can protect you if you need it. Are you close with your dad? If not, is there a father-like person in your life? An uncle maybe? If you think your boyfriend may become violent then don't do it alone. You may even consider moving your things out in one day when he's at work or something and leaving him a detailed letter. You're much too young to be stuck in an unhealthy relationship, you and your children. I'm so happy to see that you are obviously very smart to already have figured this out and also so brave for going out on your own with 2 children. Good luck and don't take no for an answer!

Answer 3

i can see y u dont wanna get him mad today uve got so many cases of reported abuse
but then again u guys arent married it wasnt smart 2 have 2 kids and not be married if u dont want him anymore and only want 2 stay 4 the kids leave him but be forceful about it dont walk up 2 him all quiet like "honey i dont think i can do this" cuz he will take that as a sign of weakness and think he can beat u but if u want 2 try and patch things up, go 2 counselling
even though ur not married it may work

Answer 4

wow thats sad, im not really sure what to say but i personally feel that staying with someone just cause you two have kids is wrong, look at what the kids would be going through, the fights arguments tension all of this affects the kids however you do this good luck.........

Answer 5

WOW... if hes abusive get help (house of grace is a great place to start) what i worry about is what u and ur childrens life will be like if u don't do s/thing....... God didn't intend on us living w/people we are not married to it complicates things I will be praying 4 u

Answer 6

How about you suggest some couples counseling? Perhaps if the problems are able to be worked out - they will. If not, perhaps he will also see that their are differences that are not so easily resolved. Contact me if you want to talk.

Answer 7

Maybe you and him should try to go for counseling first. Maybe there is a way that he can be a better person before you completely get rid of him.

Answer 8

there's free places you can go with your kids. they'll talk to you andhelp you make up your mind so your not alone

Answer 9

all you can do is be honest with your boyfriend. anything less will only cause more problems. the longer you wait, the more devastating it will be.