Middle Child Syndrome?

Question

Does this exist? My partner and my mum both grew up feeling unwanted, left out and unloved....they have both grown up to be attention seekers and have the almost obsessive desire to better themselves to gain recognition from others.

I have two children and am putting off having a third because of this....is it something you can prevent providing the parents have awareness?

Answer 1

I believe in it. The oldest is growing up getting cars. The Youngest is getting help with homework. The Middle may not be left out be feel left out, often rationalizing that getting in trouble and becoming the squeaky wheel will help solve this, any attention is better than no attention.

Not true for all families...but mine yes.

Just have four children, that should solve the problem, haha. Just a joke.

Answer 2

I'm the middle child and I can honestly say I have never felt unwanted, left out or unloved. Quite the opposite in fact. My older sister is neurotic in a lovely way, my younger sister very spoilt in her own way, but I am quite well balanced. I always had the attention I needed. I do however feel that being the middle sister has had its advantages. I am very good at negotiating (sibling argument's a speciality), I am very independent and can hold my own anytime anywhere. My sisters usually come to me with their problems and they say that they are so close because I have a good relationship with both of them and I bring the family together.
Please don't deny yourself another baby because of so called middle child syndrome. I believe it only exists where people make it exist. It is completely preventable and I believe three children are the perfect combination to family life. All the best xxx

Answer 3

Having retired a few years ago from a comprehensive Child Care career, I can assure you that middle child syndrome is responsible for many of the children I have cared for over the years. I too was a middle child and have come to understand much of what i was feeling as a child and most appropriately in my teenage years. Attention seeking, approval seeking, self gratification and pure self centredness can be symptoms of the 'middle child'.
Please do not let this put you off having another child as you are obviously aware of this syndrome and can study it both online and through books, thus equipping yourself for all eventualities.
The first child is usually the cleverest and most successful in a family and the second may have a problem living up to this. The third is usually supported and encouraged by both older siblings and thrives but somehow that middle child seems to be the one who then rebels in early teens.....with your new knowledge and whatever you may learn from now on....you can take all the steps needed to counter those feelings of that middle child.
Best wishes, Mike.

Answer 4

hey well my partner was one of 3 and his mum has now adopted another 3 and both the middle ones are very attention seeking i think the trick is to treat them all the same with the 3 she has now the youngest who is 6 is classed as the baby so she treats him as one the eldest is 10 and she is turning into a little lady and spends alot of time with her mum. that leaves the middle one who always tries to be naughty to get ateention but when she is on her own she is a totally a different person. the key is to make sure equal amounts of time and money are spent on all 3 and try and explain to the middle one why say the oldest is getting something they are not and explain they were either at that stage a long time ago and they have grown up or if its the other way say your time will come and make it all exciting for them. i hope this helps but there will be some jelousy in them all but it can be less if you work it right good luckxxx

Answer 5

I believe it does exist. I was a middle child and I didn't (and still don't particuarly) get on with my siblings. I felt that as the eldest my brother got all the 1st child attention, and my sister who now has a really good job and works for the BBC (but only in a very junior capacity) and was the brightest of the three of us got all the praise and use to get me into a lot of trouble when we were younger.
I did have problems when I was younger (with my hearing and weight (which I still have problems with now), and would have been diagnosed with AHD.
Sorry for the ramblings but while it probably will never be offically recognised, I bet if I went to see a physcologiest they would say that this may have been the cause.
Of course on the flip-side it could be just that as the middle child one feels that they are missing out by not being the eldest or youngest and getting praise and therefore have to prove themselves and make it big, but I bet you find most like me with low self-esteem and have problems in their lives.

Answer 6

Yeah I think if you are aware the problem exists you can do a lot to help a kid not feel that way. One is to actually talk about it -how the oldest gets new things and the second (esp. if same sex) gets the hand-me-downs but by the time two kids have worn them they are no good so baby three gets new clothes too. Thats how easy it is - child two thinks gee all i get is hand me downs while they get new clothes whats wrong with me?
Then I think that everyone feels that way sometimes -everyone has days they think no one loves them and no one cares so when you see or hear your child say that then talk with them about these dark feelings and listen to see if any of their complaints are valid cause sometimes they are.
Beyond that all you can do is try to be fair with all the kids - if one gets to do something special then the others should be able to do something even if not so very special and they have their day at another time.
There are also just some people out there who no matter how loved or pampered or taken care of still have to moan and groan about the injustice of it all - some of these people are kids. All you can do is work with them to change their response to what ever is actually happening to make them unhappy-they do have some control over it once they figure out that they control thier emotions and that others cant really "make" you mad , you do that all by yourself in your reaction to what they said or did.

Answer 7

I think it exists and have seen it it many families including my own. Middle children can suffer from low esteem or be really naughty and rebellious.

I think it is inevitable that the 2nd child will struggle more than anyone else in the family with the birth of a 3rd child...even if you are on the ball yourself, theres the older sibling/grandparents etc - it all impacts on the child.

They suddenly lose their status as the youger baby of the family - but they dont feel special in the same way as the older child does because they are usually old enough to help etc.

You sound like you are giving this deserved consideration - good luck with any decision you come to.

Answer 8

Its possible.I'm a middle child and you do feel left out as the older one get to do what they want and the younger one gets away with doing whatever they like.
I'm not an attention seeker and i have done far better in my life so far than my siblings who are unemployed through laziness and one still lives with my parents.
I have my own home and family and have worked constantly from i left school.
As long as you make sure the middle child doesn't get ignored and gets the attention they need then yes i think its preventable.

Answer 9

A first child always feels special because they are the eldest, the youngest,because they will always be the baby. The only way that the child 'in the middle' will not feel left out is by including all three of them in as many activities as you can, and trying to make sure that the bond between each of your children is a strong one. Each of your children need to feel loved and will need seperate time with you as well to reassure themselves that they are loved.

Answer 10

I am a middle child and I didn't have the problems you've stated. I've always felt loved by both my parents they are great people. Went to college to make more money and I am happy in engineering.
I hate any kind of attention. My favorite color is beige or tan. My oldest sister is the one who loves DRAMA and ATTENTION. I personally don't believe in first born or middle child syndrome. I think its just the personality your born with.