Step parent adoption. How hard is it? I am willing to do anything to adopt my stepdaughter?

Question

Her mother has been in and out of her life since she was born. My step daughter is now 6 years old and calls me mommy and her real mom by her first name. I have been married to her dad for the past 5 years now and I want to adopt my step daughter.. But what legal rights would that give me over my stepdaughter if any that i dont have now. Dad has full legal physical custody of the child so i am not sure where to go from here? Any advice would be great. Thanks

Answer 1

Well I don't know your whole situation, but my ex husband was behind on child support, about $2000.00 and I just said, hey if you will sign over parental rights I will forget the child support, I won't pusue collecting it. Now this can't be in the paperwork, he had to sign something saying there was no coersion to make him sign it. But he didn't care, he had been in and out of my children's lives. So I went to the county attorney ( he was free) they drew me up the paper work for him to sign, and three moths later they were adopted. If you don't have anything to convince her or if you don't think she will sign on her own, just go to an attorney, you have to prove her unfit and since your child seems to not care for her, she would be a good person to use in the case, but you have to be careful that it doesn't affect her. Good luck and contact me if you need to.

Answer 2

As far as what legal right you would have that you do not have now...well (heaven forbid) anything happened to your husband, the little girl would live with whoever is designated as her mother which means it would not be you.

How good of a relationship does your husband have with the child's mother? Could he approach her and suggest that she terminate her rights which would allow you to adopt her? If he could and she did it willingly things would be a whole lot easier. You could assure her that her relationship with her daughter would remain as it is; call when she wants and that you would not push her to the curb. Basically, you would have an open adoption. You could send pictures and updates periodically and she could also see her when it was convenient for all of you.

If she is not willing to consider this option, you may have to get dirty and prove she has either abandoned the child or an unfit mother. This could have negative effects on the child herself. She will know that there is something wrong with her bio mother. Children tend to see themselves as an extension of their parents. If she feels her mother is bad, she may shift some of those negative feelings towards herself as well, which I am sure you don't want.

It's a tough decision to consider but I think you should move forward with adopting her as an insurance policy just in case something happened to the father.

Answer 3

You mentioned that she 'knows the truth' about her biodad, which means you're partway there. Children often understand more than their parents think, and it sounds like she's at an age where she can be a participant in the adoption conversation. Talk to her about having your husband become her official father. I've even heard of families where the stepparent has 'proposed' to the child, and had a family ceremony to mark the adoption. If you are considering a name change, make sure it's something she wants. It's important that you are building positive feelings about her identity, so that she feels that her adoption is something she is a part of, not something you are doing to her or for her. Her stepdad is not replacing her biodad, they are two different men who will fill two distict roles in her life. Even if you 'cut all ties' with her biodad's family, please be open to conversations or searches if your daughter chooses. Both her biodad and her stepdad are important parts of her life in very different ways.

Answer 4

You should speak to an attorney.

Adoption would give you full equal rights with her dad as her parent.

Most likely there would need to be a complete legal termination of her biological mothers rights.

Answer 5

Well, it would give you the same rights as the father. You would legally be her mother, and so you and the father would have full custody. You should speak with an attorney. Good luck!

Answer 6

I was adopted by my "step dad" (hes my DAD) when I was 3. From what I hear from my parents it is a rather simple court proceeding, starting first with the termination of the biological parents rights, second the actual adoption. However one side note, my father had nothing to do with me for those first 3 years, but as soon as he was asked to terminate his parental rights, he put up a huge fight. YOu may need to prepare yourself for this.

Answer 7

It may be as simple as having her biological mother terminate her rights over the child. If you were to adopt her, you would legally be her mother and thus have the same rights over her that you would have if you had given birth to her.

To be sure, speak to an attorney.

Answer 8

I know from experience that I was in the very same situation as your daughter and my step mother adopted me, I had to prove that my mother didn't want to sustain a relationship wit me, meaning that she called every once in a while only came to see me when it was convenient for her. my father also had legal custody of me, talk to a lawyer get one for you and your husband to represent yall, then you need to get a pro-bono lawyer for your daughter to speak with, but honestly make sure that it is what she wants and never ever hold it against her if one day she wants to still see her real mother.

its tough as hell but i wish you the best of luck

Answer 9

Unless her mother signs her rights away or the state declares her unfit, you are stuck. However, if the mother is willing to sign her rights away, the actual process is not that hard. In many cases, social services doesn't even do a study, although they are supposed to.

Answer 10

it depends on what state youre in, but usually unless you can prove that the mother is unfit or a danger to the child, the only way is if she willingly surrenders her parental rights, but in the end what matters is who tucks her in at night and whos there when she sad, and so on.you can always hope that the bio. mom will realize this too one day.