This is the wedding of our first born! He retired several months ago, and really doesn't have to work that day. There are others who would gladly do the 2-3 hours and could use the money. Even if he worked that day he could still attend the wedding. Our son says that if he doesn't attend, he need not speak to him again. I just don't understand how he could do this! If he went to the wedding he might have a really good time. I don't get it! I'm wondering if he is ashamed of our austistic, straight A student, or maybe me. I don't know. What do you folks think? Is there anything I can do?
2007-05-19 03:54:33 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow...what a sad situation. You can't make someone do what they don't want to do. But I do think I WOULD sit him down and ask him WHY?!?!? But let him know you intend on going WITH or without him. He will only be alienating his son if he doesn't go, does he really want to do that???? If he doesn't go, go without him and be there for your son.
2007-05-19 04:03:40 · answer #1 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is the "austistic" straight A one? The groom? Or another child? The word is autistic, by the way. I doubt your husband is ashamed of anyone. He should be ashamed of himself.
Is this really the first time he has behaved in a way that is upsetting to his family, causing some kind of upheaval and uncertainty? I doubt it.
Anyway, you can't make an adult do anything he is not going to do. You can ask him straight for the real reason, and tell him straight you are not buying into his crap reasons. My guesses:
1. He is uncomfortable in all social situations and is avoiding everything and everyone.
2. He doesn't like the bride, the bride's parents, or someone he doesn't want to face.
3. He is using this as a control issue to gain attention because all the attention now is on the groom and bride and he feels neglected, much like a 2 year old. He sounds like a jackazz and should be treated like one.
2007-05-19 04:33:35 · answer #2 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I will be getting married myself in June. If I were you, I would sit down with him and ask him why he doesn't want to attend, let him know that things don't sound right with his story because something doesn't make sense to it. Found out what he has against the wedding idea. Your son sounds like a good student, good person and for those reasons, it sounds like he knows what love is and has found a soul mate to share that love with, so I would say that he is ready for marriage, but why the father doesn't want to attend makes no sense, for something that special to happen to his first born son, he should make some time off. I am 21 years old and I know that I found the right one, my parents got married at 21 also and they have been married for over close to 30 years (literally). If his father says its because of age (if he is younger than say 23) and he is to young, then tell him to define age (just tells how long the person has been in existance for). Like I say, I am 21 and I know because I have the wonderful feeling that I know is right. Something is missing from this story on the fathers side, tell him how you feel, tell him that he should go, and tell him what your son said. I hope this helps.
Wee Man.
2007-05-19 04:12:19 · answer #3 · answered by boychuka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing you can do, and as the day approaches, stop thinking about it. Your worries and concerns are easily picked up by your child, whom will miss him, because you notice his absence. If you are gossiping about this to other guests, stop. It will be the cause of conversation and could really make this a sad memory.
Once, my dad didn't/couldn't attend something I really looked forward to, and my mom never stopped talking about it the entire evening, including my teachers and the principle.
If she'd just forgot he wasn't there, it would have been so much more enjoyable. Forget about his father for the day, the few days before, and never mention it again.
I never asked my dad, although he knew somehow, and before the gossip it didn't hurt, and afterwards his apologies meant enough as an apology goes, although it didn't barely cover all the friends, teachers, principle, after affairs which made me so sad.
I now invite my own guests, sometimes my husbands, and whom gives attention to attendance, other than good, he's here or there are her children. You are overshadowing a pleasant experience, and it is for his life. Let him enjoy.
(I do remember I did wear the most lovely dress, with lace, and I fixed it up really nice, feminine, with pink ribbons, and it looked as though it were made this way, I loved it.)
2007-05-19 04:14:40 · answer #4 · answered by Marissa Di 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear questions similar to this on a talk radio show on relationships I like to listen to. She is also on the Discovery Health Channel, so she is pretty well revered. She often tells the caller to try to bribe the husband.
She tells them to say, if you go to the wedding for me, I will let you go fishing any time (besides the wedding) without any grief, or I will give you back rubs whenever you want for a month, or I will let you buy that... you get the idea.
Good luck!
2007-05-19 04:08:37 · answer #5 · answered by Contessa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and ask him why? this is not normal behavior, he should be proud to attend his son's wedding. You may want to ask him what his motivations are other than showing his son how not to be rolemodel. But obviously he's not a great communicator otherwise you would have know what his reason's are of trying to be absent.
If he does not talk to you, maybe a best friend can talk to him? Good Luck!
2007-05-19 05:00:48 · answer #6 · answered by Pinky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he should be confronted by yourself and your son and other family members.
i would be so heartbroken if my dad didnt come to my wedding, or if my husband didnt attend my son's wedding (he's still a baby)
he doesnt even have to have a good time.
he owes your son to sit his butt in a chair for a few hours and look proud.
and if he isnt really proud, then he doesnt deserve to have a kid!
2007-05-19 04:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by kells 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want someone so apathetic to the guests of honor to attend something he obviously does not want to be a part of?
I would not say anything about it. If anyone asks at the ceremony/reception I'd just say he couldn't make it. Leave it up to HIM to explain why he couldn't make it.
2007-05-19 11:12:27 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first and foremost @ the lady asking who the autistic person is
it is her son (my brother...yes the woman asking the question is my mother) and that was a typo we know its AUTISTIC ty.
and no the autistic one isn't the groom its the grooms younger brother.
i see some good answers ma!
(well except the one about going fihing and giving backrubs) lol.but uh hmm interesting stuff.!
2007-05-19 08:33:44 · answer #9 · answered by mzhoodwun 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write your husband a letter explaining how important this day is to your son...to you and to the family.
Ask him to reconsider.....then it's all up to him.
If he doesn't attend don't let his absence spoil an otherwise beautiful occasion.
2007-05-19 04:03:41 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋