He knows that he is a heavy drinker. Overall, we have a good marriage, but I know that overtime it may change if he doesn't stop the daily drinking and the belief that he has control over it. Anytime we have a fight (which isn't often), he has been drinking. His father was an alcoholic (but has since died in an unrelated situation).
He is a good man. He loves me and wants kids. He will deny that it is really a problem. What do I do?
2007-05-18 21:33:05 · 13 answers · asked by kishoti 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
been there and done this,,,,,does not matter how "good" a man he is, he will not stay that way,,,,and even if he does,,,,your resentment will grow and YOU will become affected by his drinking, At some point in time you are going to realize that the drinking comes before EVERYTHING,,,,I realized how bad my situation was when it dawned on me that my husband was either drunk or hungover all the time, Functional,,,held down a job,,,good provider,,,,,,but so much was missing in our life,,,because he was always in some stage of "drunk" Get yourself to Alanon and pick up the book One day at a time,,,,,will give you some insight to how to handle YOUR life because you cannot handle his He has to do that,,,, It is a long and lonely road, and will be even lonlier when you are raising kids and trying to hide the facts and cover for him,,,,the drinking will only increase and become more of a problem, effecting every aspect of your life Alcoholism is a devasting lifestyle, not only for the drinker You must know too, that the fact that the father is a drinker can result in having a child born with fetal alcohol effect or syndrome They used to think that it was caused solely by women drinking when pregnant, but have determined that the sperm is affected by heavy alcohol consumption as well,,,,,,,My youngest child was diagnosed with fetal alcohol affect,,,,and I do not drink
2007-05-18 23:19:44 · answer #1 · answered by granny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sad but true answer is you can't DO anything about his behavior. Either he wants to change it, or he doesn't.
If you have already expressed a concern and he doesn't make any effort to change his habits, then he either doesn't care what you think, or he isn't going to change no matter what you say. It's not YOUR decision to change him. HE must decide for himself.
DO NOT have children with a person that doesn't care what you think. Move on to someone who takes the time to consider what you have to say.
That isn't to say that everytime someone does something that you don't like they should immediately change, but there should be some healthy discussion and some conclusion reached. In this case, he has reached a conclusion, he just didn't tell you!
2007-05-18 21:55:04 · answer #2 · answered by RGTIII 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men with a drinking problem are in denial about having a problem. It wouldn't be a good idea to have a family with an alcoholic.
2007-05-18 21:47:04 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is it that before the marriage his history and his inclination was not a problem, and now it is?
He's been honest. He drinks. He's the one who will decide when and how much, not you.
Step out of it. Trust that he will have the maturity and the motivation to control himself. Not you control him. That doesn't work.
2007-05-19 01:56:43 · answer #4 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the hardest things to do is tell a drunk that he's drunk. Until he gets out of denial about his drinking, you'll never get to first base with him. Tell him to get in AAA or lose you if that is what it takes. See what he honestly loves most, you or the liquor.
2007-05-19 01:07:24 · answer #5 · answered by seahorse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alanon spelling. Go there for some help.
Sorry to hear this. I am hopeful that someone here has been in Alanon and can provide you some supprot on this question as well
I can pray for you right now
Good luck
2007-05-18 21:40:19 · answer #6 · answered by Michael M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from experience.. I had a made in heaven marriage for 8 years.. I knew my wife had a problem with drinking but I did not take it serious. the kids finaly were all in school which gave her nothing much to do. she became a full blown alcohalic. six years later, after all the pleading for her to stop, she had taken us to the edge of poverty, destroyed a wonderful family... you can not help the drinker until they want to help themselves. period. go to AA and learn more. best thing I ever did was to understand the truth.
2007-05-19 02:45:03 · answer #7 · answered by singing_wolf13 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional help.As long as he believes he is in control and does not admit to the problem,you will not be able to help him at all.
but aside from that,try to get to the real reason for his drinking....are there any unresolved issues that are tormenting him that he does not either want to deal with or talk about?For all you may know is that he is hurting....It is often too easy for all the world to point a finger at others,without realising their pain and suffering-we only look at the results but fail to acknowledge the reason or cause thereof....Help him to help himself in order to help yourself...
2007-05-18 21:56:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him into marriage counseling. Tell him you need it and ask him if he will support you with it. Get him there anyway you can and let the proffessionals handle him sweetie.
2007-05-18 21:40:42 · answer #9 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sit him down and tell him what is bothering you about his drinking.
2007-05-18 21:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋