What do you think of my poem? And also what would be a good title?

Question

Everytime i close my eyes
your face is all i see
so i just want to let you know
you're beautiful to me

You came to me one special day
and walked into my heart
you brought light into my life
when everything was dark

i thank you now for all you've done
and just for being you
and for all the things that you didn't know
you helped me make it through

So many times i've thought of you
to make it through the day
'cuz just a vision of your smile
made everything okay

and just a vision of your smile
is everything i need
'cuz you'll always be thought of
as beautiful to me

I wrote it for my gf, and want to ask your opinion b4 i give it to her. She helped me make it through depression without knowing it, she helped me make it through suicidal state without knowing it, now she knows it, and we are together...

does this sound good?

(i asked this on my other account "Dream with God")

I know that it is not perfect but all i want is an honest opinion we're 15

Answer 1

I like your poem. How about "You Are Beautiful" for a title.

The only thing I would change is "cuz". It is just too slang for such a beautiful poem.

Answer 2

A very nice poem about loving someone..

All I can say is as a mom I see 15 as a bit young be sure to take things slowly you have a lot of growing uo yet to do and don't want to find yourselves in a fix..

Be sure to seek professional help for your suicidal state being responsible for helping someone in that state is a lot for a 15 year old to bear and unfair to expect her to bear for you..

Oh yes one more bit of Mom advise... I know your emotions are strong now and things can move extremely fast so use condoms should you have sex.. You don't want the life long responsibility of a child when the both of you are still so young.. Use condoms (you can get them free of charge at most local health departments without giving your name, address or any personal information)...

Good Luck..

Answer 3

"Everytime i close my eyes
your face is all i see
so i just want to let you know
you're beautiful to me"
was my favorite of all the poem...I think it is absolutly amazing. I love how you didnt try to be shakespear, and just wrote from your heart. I have read so many poems on hear, that are a mess because people are trying to be someone they are not. When it comes from the heart, nothing can be better. No one can call it crappy, or they would be making a mock of your emotions...
I would call your poem "Thoughts of You"
good work, the girl will love it, make sure you give it to her...

Answer 4

The poem is good only title that fits it is "Praise To You"
what other title can there be for a poem like that?

Oh it was good to read it cause I myself was in frustration
from this dreaded hot weather! it might put alot of others here
in better frame of mind too!
You take a risk posting here though cause maybe your girl friend has a yahoo account and never told you
She might be angry for not trusting her feeling
She might be very upset that others seeing
Before she sees a word of it from you
Yes sometimes it's hard to know what to do!

Answer 5

You blew my answer when I read that you said were 15, LOL I was going to say that I wish I could be your g/f this is a nice poem stop letting others get to you and just write. You will face much criticism if you stay in this.

Answer 6

It's a wonderful poem. I would give it to my girl/boyfiend. Just remeber though once given all emotions are out on the table...expect any reation!!! i wrote something similar and gave it to the peron I wrote about and got the worst response. would I do it again In a heartbeat!!!!!

Beautiful to Me Sounds like a good title.

Answer 7

That is excellent. "Make It Through"...
Could be put to music easily for a love song.
Well done. Keep writing and expressing like that.
That is how you help the next person make it through.

Answer 8

Good effort ! And why does someone who can write like this need to feel depressed ? You need to seriously think about honing these skills & maybe fashioning a career out of it .
Go for it !
As for the name -- how about keeping it simple ( & in tradition ) with -- " To -------- ( her name )"

Answer 9

thats amazingly heart felt and i think you should give it to her!!! definitely if not for the sheer feeling in it then just because shes ur girl...girls like guys who are honest bout their feelings and who are romantic!!!!!! give it to her!!!! or i swear i will copy it and somehow mysteriously find out who she is and send it to her.....err dont think thats possible but good incentive....sorry sort of hyper today! i apoligize!!

anyway title title titleness err 'my guardian angel' suits it...you talk about her being the one who helps you thru sounds like a guardian angel to me....:p x

Answer 10

I think you've written something very special and you've done a nice job. I am sure your girlfriend will treasure it.
As for a title -
All You Are To Me