I'm 52 my wife is 39 we have been married 19 years, she doesn't want sex any more, she will let me just do it.

Question

My wife says sex is no longer something she desires, about 6 years ago I felt this way but at that time she wieghed 310 lbs but she was like a nimpho at that time.Now she wieghts 130 lbs and looks hot I find myself wanting her and even dreaming of her in erotic dreams, my love for her seems stronger than ever but she on the other hand has no desire or need to make love with me yet she will let me satisfy myself if I want, She also has a new job that she is at long hours and loves the job more than any she has ever had, I at first thought she might be having an affair but she is (if anyone is) incapable of that. Is it possible she is going through menapause? Up til now she was always wanting sex with me. Has anyone out there had a similar problem or any ideas of why this is happining. (and don't say my equipment is to small ) not a problem

Answer 1

everyone is different, but you hear more frequently that its the women who would have the less sex drive rather than the man. I heard once, Men have sex to relax.....Women need to relax to have sex.....I think that is a very well said statement. I am married 27yrs. Kids grown, grandchildren now.....I work all the time, and I am tired.....I would rather play on my computer than have a sex romp myself. I don't un love my husband, but to be honest, it is routine, mundane, and I am pre menopausal, I really could care less if I ever have sex again......It's over rated. But I don't have a penis. That makes a 100% difference. My sex drive is blah....when my husband could do it every day......its the difference between men and women. That entity between ya'lls legs has a mind of its own of sorts, we women are not built that way......So I do understand how your wife feels, and I do know how your feeling as well, I have a husband who doesn't really understand why either....but like I said, ya'll are men, we are women and we are just different when it comes to sex...When your younger and its new, but after 25, 30 yrs??? How exciting could it possibly be? Lotions, candles, oils, yada yada yada......it still is Predictable.....so why bother....

Answer 2

I would have bet all the money that I had that my ex-wife wasn't cheating on me. Did I ever make myself look like a fool when I caught her. You have some major red flags here my friend, don't ignore them. Here are my 3 steps to happiness.

1. A book called 100 nights of passion. Gives you both ideas to spice things up. Gets you out of the "you wanna" "ok" routine and makes things fun again.

2. If that doesn't work, try couples counseling. If she loves you, she won't have a problem with it. If she won't go, then it's a safe bet the relationship is over in her opinion and she's just not ready to end it yet. And if that's the case...

3. Leave her. If all else fails, and you've done all you can, tell her that for the sake of your happiness she's either got to change or you'll have to leave. It came to this for me, and she said, "You know what you're right." She just wasn't able to leave me, even though she wanted the relationship to be over. It hurts, but with time you will heal, and find someone who will treat you better and ultimately be happier.

Answer 3

A lot of women (myself included) actually become more sexual as we approach and then hit our 40s. This is peak sexual time for women. I'm surprised she feels the way she does. It could be menopause, but really, I think she's too young for that. Something else is going on. Losing weight would normally make her feel good about herself, thus, increasing her libido even more.

Something serious is happening here. She doesn't feel the same about the marriage. If she wants to save it, she's going to have to come clean. It's awesome she has a job she loves, but it shouldn't have replaced her marriage and sex life. No matter how uncomfortable it is for her, you both need to run, not walk, into a therapist's office for counseling. Do it before that wall gets bigger and bigger.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Have you actually tried talking about this with her? I wouldn't mention the weight thing though... but my money would be on that being the reason she isn't so into it anymore. Maybe you obliged her when she was heavier, but did you look at porn more, masturbated alone, or otherwise openly fantasized about other women during that time? Maybe now she sees that you definitely love her (and let her feature in your sexual fantasies) more now than when she was heavier, and that feeling makes her feel that you didn't love her before and uncomfortable with you.

The reason she was so into you when she was overweight was because she felt that you still desired her even when she was heavy. If you make it known that you would love her just the same if she gained all the weight back, maybe that would be the key to get the trust (and thus the "spark") back in the relationship.

That is just my two-cents, but I would definitely try talking it through with her.

Answer 5

I'm guessing she's suffering from 'rags to riches' syndrome. Don't know if that's right or not but that's what I'm calling it. She used to be a big gal, not that desirable to most men, then she loses a bunch of weight, becomes a 'trophy wife', then starts having guys pay attention to her. Yeah, I'm not sure what makes you think she's incapable of having an affair, but I'd be double checking on this. When my wife hit 38 uptill now, she's almost insatiable! No, the age, I don't think, is right for menopause. I think the both of ya need to go see a doc!

Bear

Answer 6

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

**********************

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife

Answer 7

she think since she lost alot of weight . she looks good . she thinks you're to old and now she want some than young . I think she is cheating because you said she was a nympho and now she don't want no more sex . I no she is going throw menopause's but now she looks good and she wants guys too look at her and even you no what .It 's not because you're old and nothing wrong with the bedroom or anything like that . I am sorry but my mom is going throw menopause and she still likes to have sex even if shes not in the moan for it .

Answer 8

Working long hours can take it out of you. Stress (even good stress) can make you not interested in sex.

Sure, she could be going through early menopause, but I wouldn't pin it on that.

Has she changed any medications recently? They could be the problem.

She should go to the doctor and say specifically she is having a low sex drive. See what the doctor thinks.

Answer 9

1. Maybe she just remembers how you treated her when she was 310lbs. 2. She could be going through the "change." 3. But speaking as a woman I think she's having an affair. Don't be blind. A woman (just like a man) is capable of ANYTHING! Better do some investigating. Her job might not be the only thing she is loving.

Answer 10

strengthen up! pass domicile and start up romancing your spouse back. probability is, she's purely as lonely as you're. probably greater. bear in innovations why you fell in love with the affection of your existence and give up attempting to fill that void with somebody new because of the fact the grass is in no way as green on the different edge as you may elect to have faith.... give up attempting to take an undemanding way out and "guy" up and do the main appropriate ingredient... Your existence will strengthen in approaches you may desire to no longer think of. Take a super gamble... guess on the two one among you! carry on tight, the way you probably did the day you 2 have been married... renew your vows and in no way seem back! start up staggering out with greater useful those that edify and strengthen the two one among you! and characteristic a remarkable existence jointly! that's interior attain! See with new eyes... I desire you properly my pal! stable success! could God Bless You!