my kids (12&10) want to "live" at their dad's... I have sole custody,
I haven't seen them since saturday (yes i know sunday was mother's day) They don't want to come home.
I am broken-hearted and don't know what to do...
I'm sure that we'll work things out...
...but now my heart isn't the same as before... :(
how to get over the pain... rejection...
any words of wisdom??
2007-05-18 15:27:09 · 18 answers · asked by Kool-in-charge 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The problem was... they had gotten in a big heap of trouble here at my house for stealing $000 and I guess they were anxious to get out of the "hot seat" and told my ex how unhappy they are here...living with me and my husband...
{we have chores and rules and consequences... etc} but I feel we are fair with discipline and there's absolutely no physical punishment, I ground them and/or take away privileges...
the kids told their dad that my husband is mean to them, demanding, makes them feel uncomfortable and unwelcome here.
Now my ex tells me that he thinks it's mental/emotional abuse and he has contacted CAS...
If they get their way, the kids will be able to run wild and dad will be free to leave them home alone - since the older one is "old enough" plus he will stop paying support of course!!
I'm thinking of their future... they need to develope responsibility etc...
2007-05-18 15:53:59 · update #1
So....you're being whiney because your kids are staying with THEIR FATHER for a week?!?!?!??!
I'm assuming they don't get to see their dad very much.....so it's not uncommon that they would want to see him. Why throw such a big deal about this....let them stay there for awhile, and then bring them home later. YOU are the parent, but I don't see why it's such a problem for them to stay with their dad.
Why don't you try talking to your ex husband and working out something with him...for having two pre-teens you sound kind of childish about this whole thing. You are their parent, and you CAN talk to your ex and work something out. If you'd talk to him, then you'd KNOW what was going on. And why haven't you gone over to his house to see them? You miss them so much....but haven't gone to see them. Obviously you had to take them there, or your ex had to come pick them up....so why couldn't you drop by for a minute?!?!?
Dad's really do get screwed in this whole custody deal...it's good that he gets to see his children. Quit complaining, and if you want to see them....then go see them, but I don't see a problem with them staying with their dad for a bit....ESPECIALLY since it's summer vacation..
2007-05-19 03:08:24 · answer #1 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How so you think that your ex felt when you took the kids away from him? I just went through a divorce because she "was not happy". The courts almost always rule in favor of the mother! Us fathers are good parents also. Don't assume that they will get away with everything. Dad just may have a different parenting style than you and your new husbands. And what is wrong with Dad getting child support from YOU for a change. Let him try it for a trial period. It may be a good change for the kids.
2007-05-18 23:56:33 · answer #2 · answered by texas mikey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did not say if the kids are boys or not. If they are boys, then that is probably why they want to stay with dad. At some point they need a male figure. I would work it out through the courts to maybe switch for a year and let the children have a year with dad. Hopefully that may work.
2007-05-18 22:41:54 · answer #3 · answered by SINGLEMOM4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aww! Well, if there Dad is as good of a parent as you then you have to share them. Just wait it out, maybe he is just buying them a lot of candy or somethin! Just kidding. Give them a week or two and they will miss you I promise! I go nuts without my mom in a day! Something you could try, if you are a single mom, you probably work a lot, make some special time for just you and your children. A trip this summer or something for them to look forward too! Or maybe you could get a dog or something, as special bond between you and your children that could also keep you company while they are gone. Good Luck!
2007-05-18 22:32:47 · answer #4 · answered by Aroura 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is in contempt of court. Depending on the state you live in,the kids do not have a say about where they live until a certain age. Even then,it all must go through the court.
Law enforcement wont help you in this type of situation, because they enforce the law and not court orders. You will have to get an attorney.
He cant just do this to you. Get an attorney and know your legal rights.
2007-05-19 09:01:38 · answer #5 · answered by nan6872 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just know they are not rejecting you. They just miss their father. Also, since they don't stay with him full time, visits with him probably have a kind of "Holiday" feeling that will wear off if they remain full-time. He may indulge them, and what child wouldn't want that? Once the novelty wears off (for the kids AND for Dad), things will probably change, and they might find things aren't all fun and games anymore. Kids their age are not the best at seeing the bigger picture, and look at things from their own (sometimes selfish) point of view.
2007-05-18 22:47:00 · answer #6 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have sole custody, its not their decision, they are children and are easy to manipulate. Kids often try to play this game to keep the parents at odds and to get more goodies from one or the other. If he does not return the children, he is in violation of the order and can be arrested for custodial interferance. Try getting the kids into counseling, they sound like they are learning to be manipulative little sociopaths. If the divorce was particularly acrimonious and you suspect the ex is pulling the strings on the puppets, it might be time to revisit the support order and the rules for visitation.
2007-05-18 22:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by jennifer g 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I believe your kids are of age they can almost chose who they wish to live with and the roles will turn in other words if he does get suctody, you'll be paying him child support and his will be dropped unless he owes back but still it will even out and you'll have to pay up some. Kids can chose these days especially at the age they are now. So let them live with dad let him see how hard it is to be a paret anyway..Good luck
2007-05-18 23:08:37 · answer #8 · answered by Gina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't take it to personal my mom is A great mom when i was a teen i wanted to stay with my dad. I needed my father i wanted a relationship with him i already knew my mom loved me i needed dad. It was a hard time in my life. I'm sure the kids are not doing it to hurt you, it's about them anyway and what's best for them try to take your emotions out of it. Let them know you love them your home and heart is always open.
2007-05-18 22:43:27 · answer #9 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have sole custody notify the authorities that hes possibly holding them against their will and beyond his visitation period. Once back home, tell him to go thru the proper channels to regain custody of them from you. You or he could ask the Judge to let the kids decide who they want to live with and go from there, but first get your kids home. Good luck
2007-05-18 22:34:29 · answer #10 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋