Should a wife get an allowence ?!?

Question

My husband thinks so, and I think he is completely wrong !!! I have been a stay at home Mom for about 2 months now and its really not working for me. I told him we should pay all of are expenses and then split the rest, but when I said this he got very upset, he said he makes the money so its his choice what to do with it !!!


Other details:
*I am 34, and I left my career as a cardiologist to be a stay at home mom
*My husband is 37 and a college professor
*We have a 6 year old son
*He goes to work and thats about it
*But I take care of are son, I take him to his activites and school , and I cook, and I clean....the list could go on forever...

Thanks for your help :)

I think he is very wrong, allowences are for children !

Answer 1

No. A wife is not a child. It should be 50/50. Or she should get her own money to spend, so he'll stop bellyaching about his wife.

Answer 2

First of all honey, Let him stay at home for a week and see how hard what you do really is...as far as an allowance is concerned allow him to pack his stuff and find some where else to live.

My husband and I had the same argument three years ago when he asked me to be a stay at home mom to our one year old and three year old at the time.

I made it very clear to him that he couldnt do my "JOB" for a week and keep his sanity, and what I did for "OUR" home was worth way more than an allowance. period!

Needless to say he saw it my way....by the way I handle the bills....after the bills are paid I take whats left in the account and split it in half. Half goes into savings the other half gets split into thirds. One third for him to spend on what ever he wants, one third for me to spend on what ever I want and one third to apply towards the children. We are a little more flexable now about the money....but I just about knocked his teeth down his throat when he told me I get an allowance from him because Im not working. To be honest I dont think he ever feard for his life the way he did that day.

Answer 3

Girl. Let me tell you. I LOVE my allowance. At first, I was like you: offended. But it worked out great. Especially when I noticed that he was big enough to take none for himself. You sound a little resentful. Maybe you should work one day per week. Many hospitals would be glad to have you. He is wrong to not allow you a fair SAY in the matter... that was a little disrespectful... you're a FAMILY, not a business, but yeah, the allowance thing worked really well in my family, very similar in occupations and structure to yours.

ALSO: BE PATIENT!!!! What a huge HUGE change you have just made. It will take a LOT of adjustment and time to feel right and not be on an emotional rollercoaster. I just started staying at home back in Sept.. I'm just getting cool with it and it was MY dream come true! Go figure. I'd love to talk more to you if you like. Peace.

Answer 4

He feels that because he has earned the money means that he should decide how to spend it. And that he is doing you a favour by giving you some money!

I would say that it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. If you're 37, then you should be treated like you're 37 -- an equal. It's rather disturbing to hear that a college professor could demonstrate such backward, old-age thinking.

Furthermore, why are you only now quitting your job? If you managed for the last 5+ years, you can manage now. Go back to work....

Answer 5

Well, this is certainly a button pusher!!

The word Allowance is defined as:
Main Entry: 1al·low·ance
Pronunciation: &-'lau-&n(t)s
Function: noun
1 a : a share or portion allotted or granted b : a sum granted as a reimbursement or bounty or for expenses ; especially : a sum regularly provided for personal or household expenses c : a fixed or available amount d : a reduction from a list price or stated price
2 : an imposed handicap (as in a horse race)
3 : an allowed dimensional difference between mating parts of a machine
4 : the act of allowing : PERMISSION
5 : a taking into account of mitigating circumstances or contingencies

And unless he describes his own personal funds as such, then yours should be spending money, not allowance. Decide together what the amounts should be in accordance with your financial situation and needs.

good luck!

Answer 6

You are his "equal" partner and for what you contribute to his life you deserve far more than an "allowance." How ridiculous! Tell him to get over himself and treat you fairly or he can quit his job, become Mr. Mom, you'll earn the money and put him on an allowance! This is a prime example of why most women hesitate to become stay-at-home moms/wives. If I were married I couldn't do it because I would always feel vulnerable and insecure especially if I were married to someone like your husband. Of course, if I were his wife and he made a comment like that to me I would have him crying and sucking his thumb like a small child but I am a ***** about these types of things. When I hear something like this I go from calm to irate in 5 seconds! Stand up for yourself now or you will really regret it later. Good luck!

Answer 7

He's wrong for suggesting to give you an allowance. That was kind of demeaning. At the same time, you shouldn't ask to "split" anything. He's bringing in the money for the household, so as long as he's taking care of the needs of the family, those discretionary funds should fall under his authority to disperse. I also would suggest you go back to work. Your son is 6-years-old, not 6 months. Help your husband out, and be considerate of the stress he probably feels as the breadwinner.

Answer 8

I can't say that your "details" are believable. However, as to the question: any man who refuses to share all income and all expenses jointly is greasing the skids under his marriage and sliding headlong towards divorce. That crap about the man being in sole control is not acceptable today.
However - your idea about "splitting the rest" is also immature and irresponsible. All of your income should be managed so that it benefits the family. All expenditures and all income should be managed jointly. If he can't deal with it, you can return to work and divorce him. You have the resources to do that and to care properly for the 6-year-old at the same time. Women do it in their tens of thousands these days, after all. You need to stop and think: are you better off with him or without him? I think you already know the answer...

Answer 9

You are a trained professional go back to work, let him look after the child and you offer him an allowance and see his reaction. Get a live in maid or nanny. Its sad that you had to give up your career but I understand that it must have been for the child's development. He is 6 years now and about ready to enter school. You've done your best to nurture him for 6 years. You still can continue to do it even if you go back to work. To hell with the caveman disguised as a professor.

Answer 10

i think so too allowance is for children it doesn't matter which spouse is working the money that comes to the house is both of you guys money.I'm a stay at home house wife too and what we do is we pay all the bills separate money to go out and whats left in the account is for who ever needs it or wants it we just let each other know. so we don't spend more but you have a hard job too don't let him make you feel like he is the only one doing something because your job is hard and important you keep the family together you keep the home.

Answer 11

your child is 6 you just in the last "2 months" started being a stay at home mom???? story don't add up to me..why would you leave a job to stay home with a 6 year old and why would you not have talked about $$$ arrangements before making that choice. Maybe i'm dense but, i think a lot of the story is missing from this question. i'ld never left work without knowing what the $$ arrangements were going to be if you just choose to stay home why not tell hubby that his ideal don't fly with you and your going back to work?