What would be good advice to say to an enaged couple?

Question

I am married over 13 years and there are several that are engaged in our church.

My mom is a wonderful person however she did not really give me a good indication what marraige was really like and she never sat down with me and gave me a talk about what marriage would be really like,When I was 9 I approached her with the facts of life I heard from school.

Being engaged is a season in ones life and it is easy to see marraige through "rose colored glasses" meaning thinking marriage will be just like the courtship?

If I am asked what would be good practical and godly advice to tell these couples?

I don't think young couples in church really know what there going up against.

What would be good advice to say to couples or people that wish to marry?

Answer 1

Never never never never never.....EVER.....say anything bad about your spouse to your parents, siblings or friends. Dont tell them when you have a fight, don't discuss your problems, KEEP YOUR LIP SHUT>

Because you will forgive your spouse for transgressions in the marriage....b ut your family is always on your side, never will forgive, and then you won't have your families support during tough times ( or after them when you have reconciled with your spouse....which will just make matters all the worse.)

NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER

Answer 2

I would stress how hard marriage is. That it needs to be worked at every single day. That everything is shared: possessions, responsibilities, money. I'd also tell them to have a very real conversation about money and their personal views - are they savers or spenders. During our pre cana class (we're married 15 years) we had to go off alone and talk about money and how we would handle it for an hour. We found out that we were on the same page. Others came out fighting. We're still married. They aren't. I think couples really need to put love aside and look at the reality of marriage as a financial partnership. Will they have one joint bank account, how they feel about buying a house, cars, leasing versus purchasing. They have the love part already...I think a lot of people break up over money. I sell real estate and deal with more divorces than I'd like. They get really ugly over the finances. The root of all evil...

Answer 3

When you disagree, never raise your voice ~ sit down and discuss it calmly.

Never ever go to bed angry.

Marriage is not 50%-50%, it is 100%-100%

Never keep track of who does the most or who tries harder. Marriage should never be a scoreboard.

Always take responsibility for things you have done or said that have hurt someone and apologize to the person.

When you part, always say "I love you" ~ it may be the last words ever spoken to the one you love. Never part while either of you is angry over something. You don't want to live with that for the rest of your life.

Remember to pray together when you start your day and always end in prayer and Bible reading together.

Communicate ~ never assume the other person knows what you mean or what you think. Be willing to listen when they explain their side and they should do the same.

Listen with an open mind ~ you might learn something

If you hear a rumor of any kind, Always get the other side of the story before making a judgment on the incident.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.


Gifts they can hang in the home that will inspire them each day:

Decoupage on a plaque or cross-stitch

I Corinthians 13 (for both)

Galatians 5:22-23 (fruits of the Spirit) (for both)

Proverbs 31:10-31 (for her)

Ephesians 5:22-29 (for him)

Answer 4

KittyKat's advice is great.
It is a wonderful thing that you are doing.
I'll be praying for your ministry.
Les & Leslie Parrot have excellent books and aides on marriage, as do many other Christian authors.
My Mom and one of my good friends gave me the same very
good advice about marriage: communication is so important and be sure that we talk to ONE ANOTHER not a whole lot of other people about our issues. Its hard to do but it creates and enhances intimacy when you know that your sister, his Mother, your best friend and his work buddies aren't all in on your issues/business/problems/... you know.
Things should be decided before hand to cut down on resentment, but couples should vow to be reasonably flexible with one another. This means, finances, sex, chores, savings and things like that. The things that people avoid talking about are the very things that really need to be put out on the table.
You are good to let them in on some of the more realistic, not so fun aspects of marriage. One pastor commonly says (when he does sermons on marriage/relationships) "marriage is suffering." It's brutal, but when you look at it from that perspective, even for spirituality's sake (Christ is married to the church...) then it is easy to see that you are not alone.

Bless you! You're going to be a blessing to all of the soon to be newlyweds.

Answer 5

As a soon to be pastor, I'll be counseling engaged couples and I'd give them all the advice listed above....except not to get married....especially about money....more marriages have split over money than anything. Talk it out beforehand. And have pastoral counseling before they actually wed. (most ministers/pastors do require that now before they will perform a wedding.)

Answer 6

The best advice is to tell them to have these three elements in their relationship = respect, affection and trust. With those three they will automatically have love. Those three aspects are what will take them through all the trying parts of their lives. Life is truly hard and you need these things to get by. It has little to do with love, as you can love a puppy. The lust goes out of a relationship quickly and temptation is a huge lesson in life, but with those three things - they can make it for the long haul. Good for you for trying to help your friends!

Answer 7

I'm engaged and the best advice I've recieved is the simplest I guess. "It's not going to be easy, but it IS going to be worth it." From my fiance's mother.
Giving advice on proper communication is good too, I think.
How to talk about things (important things), keeping perspective, keeping God in the center of it all, and remembering why you are in the relationship. Marriage should never be a two person thing, its 3: Him, Her and God.

Answer 8

nicely...i'm basically approximately 38 weeks and characteristic had no era soreness yet we are all diverse. i will now tell while i'm having braxton hicks contractions however. i've got additionally had the shooting pains which you're conversing of for the final 3 weeks or so. the only returned soreness that I even have had has basically basically been from being on my ft too plenty. as quickly as i began relaxing i spotted the returned soreness disappeared. It facilitates to be carried out paintings too! much less rigidity. good success! i'm hoping that issues paintings out for you! it is too no longer ordinary to declare one way or yet another despite in case you would be on time. those final few weeks are annoying however are not they! Congrats on your upcoming transport!

Answer 9

I've been married for 7 years to a man with WAY too many sisters....all of whom thought THEY knew how to keep a marriage together. But the very best piece of advice I've ever heard and still follow...is "never go to bed angry".

Answer 10

1. Would you do what you are doing if your Spouse was standing right behind you and looking over your shoulder? No? Stop doing it, it is wrong. Yes? Continue on and have a good time.
2. Pick your fights. Is this issue truly worth fighting over? No? Stop arguing, let it go. Yes? Stick to your guns until they agree or a compromise can be reached.

My mother did give me #2 on my wedding day. I figured #1 out on my own. (man was that painful)