Should I be burdened with my friend's problems?

Question

I have two friends on anti-depressants, one being a survivor of childhood abuse. Last year I had to shoulder my friend's emotions whilst she told her mum, told the police, gave a statement, got put on 30mg prozac and got a counsellor/psychologist. I was the first person who worked it out after she spoke to me, and I still feel bad about it now. She asked me to tell our other two close friends about it, so it wouldn't be the huge secret it had been for her. Telling other friends made it a bit harder for me, but I couldn't complain. Even now, when my friend is still on pills, I can't help feeling like she's not good for my mental health, despite her also being great fun and whatnot. The whole experience had me really anxious and nervous, now I still press the tips of my fingers one after the other repeatedly and chew my face, I crack my knuckles and can make quite a mess of my hands when I go at it. How can I sort myself out so I can be there for her in the future, and simply be happier?

Answer 1

maybe you, yourself need to get counseling. It sounds like you aren't doing to well yourself. Also maybe a vacation by yourself or with someone other than your friend. Being a good friend is being there for them when they need you, but if it is creating a mental health issue for you then that isn't good. my advice seek a psychiatrist and take a vacation from your friend.

Answer 2

You are a good friend. I can understand your anxiety; however stop thinking about the situation and just think instead of the wonderful thing you have done. You are what so many people say they are, but they are not. You are a kind and compassionate person that probably saved someone from even more trauma. Don't worry about being there in the future, you will be. You are much stronger than you think. Look at this with a little pride. You did a wonderful thing.

Answer 3

Kudos to you for helping your friend. Now back up a bit and help yourself. Start by talking to people you trust about your feelings. Giving yourself a chance to express your feelings will help a lot and open the door to deciding what to do about them.

Your friend should not be allowed to suck you dry. Your must look after your own well being. This may mean spending less time with your friend. Just like cigarettes, some people can be bad for you too. If that is the case, then its time to look to your own health.

Answer 4

in case you never opt to take heed to chum's issues, i might say particular, it is somewhat egocentric. i will understand if there's a particular person who's continually needy and draining your capability, you will possibly opt to cut back listening to that each and every of the time. yet once you never opt to help everyone, basically think of: how might you experience in case you have been in want and needed to unburden your self, and no one gave a listening ear? i spotted you pronounced refer to God. i've got self belief that particular, someone can pray for the help, yet how will that prayer be spoke back? i've got self belief that the spirit can circulate your acquaintances to furnish you the words of understanding which you'll want at that component. you could pass over out on an threat to be the only that shares this understanding. you certainly have greater happiness helping and sharing than withholding.

Answer 5

You sound like an excellent friend, but it is taking a tow on you. You are expressing anxiety and you know she drains you. So, my suggestion is to limit the amount of time you see her. Arrange your get togethers so that you are in controll of the situation and can leave or get away from her when you want. You call her and inquire about her before she has a chance to call you and keep you on the phone for long periods of time. You can still be concerned about her, without experiencing pain yourself. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

It sounds like you have been a great, supportive friend so far. Just remember that you have to take care of yourself too so you don't end up like them. If they are really good friends then I would say yes be there for them, but if you feel like you have enough of your own stress at the time, don't be afraid to say I'm sorry but this isn't a good time for me. You have to learn to balance out your giving and taking care of your own life and the stresses you encounter on a daily basis.

Answer 7

Wow, I'm somewhat confused but this is what I think is going on. I think you need to find ways to nuture yourself. Do your own hobbies that bring you joy, go to places you have fun out and hang out with some people who also nuture you as well. A give and take kind of friendships. You sound like a very generous and helpful friend. Start searching out other people that equally listen and care for you. Otherwise, sweetie, you'll be taking care of other people. Even it out. You sound like a wonderful friend to have.

Answer 8

Wow, what a question!!! I can say from my own experience that anything that causes me to hurt or feel lots of anguish is something I need to decide whether it really belongs in my life and if it does, i'e. family and friends then I must learn to rid myself of all or any preconcieved notions of what that relationship has been to and for me. U see, we don't always have to shut the door on a relationship because of how they affect us emotionally, sometimes we can simply learn to love and care for them from afar. Meaning that if the mere presence of a person for a certain length of time becomes burdensome then I shorten the amount time I spend with that person. In other words, if this produces that, then I must learn how to be proactive in my associations with those whose lives tend to weigh heavy on mine. Best wishes for u.

Answer 9

Well... I think you should make sure you're looking after yourself as much as you're looking after your friends. Of course you should help others, but you shouldn't let them depend on you.