money..is that the cause of most divorce?

Question

My husband and I both have good jobs, we do not own a home , our rent is not too bad and we have a car pyment and then the regular household bills, But every payday it is an arguement and I cannot take the stress of handeling the money anymore because no matter what I do not do it right. My husband does not want to take over the responsibility of handeling the bills so what should I do? I'm trying as hard as I can to pay everyting on time and I get nothing but complaints from him. every payday i have panic attakcs because i do not want to do it anymore. help!

Answer 1

Keep it up, it is cause for divorce.

What you described is that you don't have cushion no matter how good a job you have. Otherwise, you wouldn't panick. Either you are living beyond your means or you spend everything you earn. Your finance is unstable because if one person loses a job, the situation will tip over. That's why neither you nor your husband want to face that fact and argue on who should handle what.

If you don't change your spending habits and save towards a house or some goals, the lack of financial stability will be the trigger for your divorce.

Answer 2

My husband and I went through this in the beginning of our marriage. And eventually we decided to let me do the bills. After alot of argueing in the beiginning.
He did them when we first got married, but he would always do crazy things. Like we would have doctor bill and the rent and some utilities and he would try to pay off the doctor bill and send nothing to the utilities or the maybe half to the rent.
Then we would get our gas shut off and he would have fit.
So then one day I was talking to him about it, we had been married for about 8 years at the time, and he got defensive and said for me to start doing the bills.
Within a year we were buying our first home and all our bills were on time and paid correctly. And he never, I mean EVER complains. If he did, I would just hand them to him and say, "Have Fun."
But, he doesn't, he knows I am better at it.
Just as he is better at mowing the lawn, or making more money, or fixing things, I am better with money.
And as to the second part of you question, I don't think that money is the main deciding factor in divorce. However, I do think that it can contribute. But, usually there are other factors in play before the money becomes an issue.
If you have total respect and appreciation for each other in all things, then the money is not a problem of blame. It can be a problem, but, not one where one or the other uses it as a hostile means of communication.
So I think the underlying problem is that he either doesn't trust you for some reason to do it right, or you are spending too much in other areas, or he has a control issue.
He may feel that he is kept in the dark. Maybe see if he wants to sit with you while you do the bills and give you input, instead of just argueing about them. Sometimes he may just need to know so he understands what he's up against.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Tell him if he doesn't like the way you handle the bills, he is welcome to take them over himself. In fact, next time he starts an argument over money, hand him the bank book and say, "Okay; you don't like the way I'm doing it, and we have this argument every month, so I'd really prefer that you take over the finances." Stick to your guns. Refuse to write so much as a check for the electric bill.

Once he finds out it isn't easy, he may develop some respect for the effort it takes you to manage the money. At the very least he may quit whining and blaming you. And either he will shut up and let you do it after that, or he will deal with it himself -- either way, you both win.

(Personally, I think marriage must be the cause of divorce -- I have never heard of a single person going through one. LOL)

Answer 4

Money has alot to do with having a good relationship, me and my hubby had the same problem, and we use to argue about money all of the time and I thought we were gonna end up spliting. things are alot different now, because I sat down and talked with him and we straightened our finances. its really hard to be the only one handeling all of the finances, he should give you some credit. if one payment is late, its not the end of the world and he should realize that. if hes not willing to take on the responsibility than maybe he shouldnt complain about everything all of the time. you should sit and talk with him, and come to an understanding cause the argueing will eventually tire you out and who knows..it could probably turn the relationship sour. the way I feel is, if you have money saved, the bills are getting paid than you should just be happy and thats that. talk with him and let him know how you feel...if your the one doing it all, hes gonna have to show some appreciation.

Answer 5

If he doesn't want to take over the responsibility of the bills, then he has no right to complain that you're not doing it right. See if he is willing to sit down w/you and ask him for suggestions of how "we" can do this better or how he would like to see things done. Money can be a big stresser in a relationship, especially if you are both on different pages. I know they have counselors for this type of thing. Check and see if either of your employers offer any type of help through an Employee Assitance Program which is usually free. Feel free to email me if you'd like to talk--I like handling money and figuring out bills. Good Luck!

Answer 6

No, money is not the #1 cause of divorces.

Basically, it's a lack of communication, which can involve ANY ISSUE - monetary, sexual, religious, political, etc.

Most couples that get divorced simply lack the emotional maturity to get along and deal with everyday problems.

Answer 7

You can set it up so your bills are all paid automatically. That's how I handle all the bills. I don't worry about them at all. Of course every month I look at my bank account online to make sure everything is going where it should be.

Answer 8

I believe that it can be a contributing factor, however, I don't believe it's the biggest cause. I personally feel it's the lack of communication and inability to compromise and sacrifice.
Mom of 3, married for 14 yrs.

Answer 9

Here is what you do you get online and set up automatic pay payments that will deduct monthly for your phone electric etc, and if he don't like it tell him to kiss your as* I write checks out my husband signs them i mail them i also get onlne to the websites and automatically pay them through debit.Because my husband sometimes forgets and i stay on top of things.

Answer 10

Money was not what caused my divorce. My then husband (is now my ex-husband, has been for quite some time actually) cheated on me with his best friend's wife...and also got her pregnant. So to answer your question: adultery is what ended our marriage.