I am married with 3 beautiful kids. My husband is a great dad and husband, but we got pregnant my senior year in college unexpectedly. I'm now 31, and we have 3 kids. I gave up medical school and all my close friends (jobs moved us) because we wanted to do the "right:" thing. The problem is I love my husband, but my heart still belongs to my high school sweetheart. I dated a lot of people before my now husband, so I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. I've totally changed and am young compared to the suburbanites that got married and had kids the traditional responsible way. I miss my old friends, my old boyfriend, and I wish I had my old life back. I know a lot of people wish they could go back sometimes when there were no responsibilities, but I truly love another man. After high school, my boyfriend became a professional skater and snowboarder, and he said he would hold me back from greater things. I am getting professional help but would appreciate any advice.
2007-05-18
10:44:02
·
12 answers
·
asked by
just wondering
2
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
Focus your energy into your marriage. It does absolutely no good to dwell on the past. Life was easier in the past for all of us - before kids, mortgages, minivans - this is REAL life.
Love is a VERB - show your love to your husband, and don't dwell on some immature concept of a "high school sweetheart". How do you know you love him - you haven't been in a relationship with him for the last 12 years, right? The high school sweet heart burps & farts & curses & doesn't do the dishes & doesn't put the toilet seat down & doesn't pick up his socks & doesn't show affection with 3 kids around just like your husband. You are trying to make some fantasy a reality - but it isn't.
TIME TO GROW UP!
2007-05-18 10:52:55
·
answer #1
·
answered by Anonymous
·
1⤊
0⤋
I, too, gave up doctorate school for my now husband. He never would've moved there, so I chose him and having a family over my education. I love my daughter and nothing I ever could've done would be even comparable to having her. But sometimes I wonder "what if?" I recently found out my sister is pregnant, not married to the father, somewhat "free" in that sense. I find myself being jealous of her because she can have her baby, it will have a father in it's life, but she can still date after the baby, she can still find the right person. I wanted a baby, so I got married and did things "the right way". What I do when I get into that frame of mind is think about what I wouldn't have that I love having now. Would I really, truly have been happier if I'd chosen another path? I'm not convinced that I would be. Hope that helps
2007-05-18 10:57:44
·
answer #2
·
answered by 1978girl 3
·
0⤊
0⤋
You need to grow up. You've made your bed, now you have to lie in it. You're living in the past, holding on to the life you had before you met your current husband, which is no life at all. Instead of daydreaming about how you'd like your life to be, you have to face the reality of what it is now, and what it would become if you pursued this pipe dream of yours. Do you even know what your ex is doing now? You've both aged 12 years since you dated, he could be happily married with kids of his own now.
If you're unhappy in the abstract, don't love your husband, and think you'd be happier being a single mom, then you owe it to yourself and your husband to get out of your marriage. But if it's just a matter of getting your head out of the clouds and seeing the good in your life without comparing it to what you imagine things would be like, then stop dwelling on the past and live your life.
And stop acting as if your dream of becoming a doctor is dead. If you really want to do it, go do it. Lots of people go to school -- even med school -- when they are older than you and get the degree and career they've always wanted. So don't blame your husband, kids, or anyone else for your decision not to get an M.D.
2007-05-18 11:06:45
·
answer #3
·
answered by Judgie C 3
·
0⤊
0⤋
It is time to let go of the past and grow up. Your life is not the only one that has changed. I am pretty sure all of your friends have just as much responsibility as you do. That is what happens when you grow up. Stop looking at the past and look toward your future. You have three kids and a husband to think about. It is not too late for you to go back to school and complete your degree, so go back. And why do people who have sex always say that it is unexpected when they get pregnant? You knew that was a possibility now deal with the consequences. Things are never going to be the way they used to be accept it and move on.
2007-05-18 10:57:08
·
answer #4
·
answered by Tina #1 3
·
1⤊
1⤋
I think life is to short to be unhappy but you have this great guy and three kids I think your just wishing things were the way they used to be. Really when you were single and young and well didn't have the burden of three kids. I think alot of people think once in awhile if I could go back what my life would be like. I think you should just try to make your marriage work alot of women would love to be in your situation. I do think you should look at getting your University completed maybe once you have completed some of your own goals life will look a little greener for you.
God Bless and Best Wishes. I think your ex is probably married and with wife and kids anyways so why even bother contemplating this.
2007-05-18 10:50:52
·
answer #5
·
answered by Livinrawguy 7
·
0⤊
0⤋
You're not going to be able to keep up living in two worlds, dear. One is reality and the other is fantasy.
Take a good hard look at reality. this man has stuck by you and his kids. He's made the effort to "do the right thing." Is there truly nothing you can admire and fantasize about him?
Doesn't he deserve the common courtesy of posessing his wife's emotion? You describe having what all these people on here are looking for. Will you really throw that away?
2007-05-18 10:54:44
·
answer #6
·
answered by Puresnow 6
·
1⤊
0⤋
hey ok. consider yourself lucky you got the best of both worlds. that was in the past. he is probably not even the same by now. as for now you said you got a great thing going so why change it. and stop looking at your past you have stuff to look forward to. you dont want to be here again asking i let go off my husband for an old crush and now i miss my husband because my old love is not whom i expected. the thing is back then you were different and you have changed and just be glad you have memories. those times are in the past. perhaps it was the best time of your life that is why you miss it. but you can still control your life. all i will say before taking my leave is you are happy with your husband and kids so why change it now? its a gamble and gambles rarley pay off.
2007-05-18 11:11:26
·
answer #7
·
answered by phantomq8 2
·
1⤊
0⤋
sometimes it gets easy to want to go back to the old lives we used to have before kids and mortgages and responsibilities. If you even got back with your old b/f you still may not have the life you are longing for, because that part is over, and maybe it was over too soon.
2007-05-18 11:01:27
·
answer #8
·
answered by debbie v 4
·
1⤊
1⤋
The earlier part of your life is over, be practical . Add serenety to your present day lifeand forget the past for your family life'
2007-05-18 16:58:03
·
answer #9
·
answered by Tabi 4
·
0⤊
0⤋
"we got pregnant my senior year in college unexpectedly" You mean you got pregnant without having sex? How can one "unexpectedly" get pregnant when they CHOOSE to have sex? You made your own CHOICES in your life don't balme them on the fact that you CHOSE to have sex and got pregnant. You should have NEVER married the man you are married to if you didn't love him and you should NEVER have gotten involved with him to begin with. You don't need professional help you need to face YOUR responsiblities for making YOUR life what it is.
2007-05-18 10:51:32
·
answer #10
·
answered by Anonymous
·
3⤊
1⤋