My husband has solicited sex ove the internet. What should I do?

Question

I think my husband is unfaithful. We have been married for 16+ years. He has cheated before when we were younger, and didnt admit it til just 3 years ago. He claims that he has never done it since. About 6 yrs ago I suspect he had cheated before and even suspected he was cheating then with (lets call her) V. But he denied it, foolishly, I cheated on him to get him back. We separated. I So learned from that mistake. He forgave me. I would never think to do that again. We got back together, then a few weeks after mending he cheated with the girl he was seeing while we were separated. I put his bags by the front door. My father talked me out of it. All this happened 6 yrs. ago, I thought this was behind us. Til I found several emails 2 weeks ago, were he sent naked pics of him and recvd others back, even asked to meet some of them at a hotel. He claims he never did meet any of them. But this hurts deeply. Including an email from V on valentine's day saying she loves him? He denies cheat

No, my dad is a christian and thought i should give him another chance. But doesnt feel that way anymore.

And to the person who feels that if some asks you for advice that gives them permission to insult them. I am not an idiot, for trying to work things out with a man I made a commitment to, nor am I an idiot for making a mistake (once). I learned from it and moved on.
No I don't have herpes, I am not a sex-crazed maniac, albeit when I was younger and immature I made a mistake.
Nor is cheating a black epidemic, so please enough with the racist remarks, insults and other statements that truly reveal how little intelligence you possess.
Try to act as though you are talking to a close friend as I do when I respond to your questions (free of insults and belittlement).

Answer 1

I know this entire scenario is hurtful but if you really want to make it work, you both should consider counseling to discuss issues, feelings and plans for moving ahead in that relationship. By the same token, you should consider a more frequent OBGYN visit (for your own safety). This isn't meant to sound rude but STD's are serious, esp for women. Men get $hit that goes undetectable for them but wrecks havoc on us. It's even more important if he's sleeping with some young, Internet surfing whores... Imagine contracting something that you just cannot get rid of be it his fault or yours (in your getting back at him moment). Which by the way, doesn't really make u feel any better than b4 u chose to do it. It leaves a regretful feeling and is simply unnecessary to prove a pt. Even if you were/are safe, most men do not practice safe sex. Besides this kind of business can ruin your sex life for years to come... even if you split up so my advice to you is..

Be careful & be smart, good luck!

Wow - reasons cheating is consequential (aside from just wrong) - STDs are rampant, pregnancy (obviously unwanted), drama, trouble, fatalities (watch the news), divorce, child support.

Answer 2

Well, that is a pretty sad story in regards to your relationship. Basically what your question really boils down to is;" Do you trust him?"
What he did when you separated should not come into play, after all you were separated. As to you cheating on your husband, I can't blame you for that. Under the circumstances I would have to say you have been a great wife.
Where there is smoke there is always fire from what I have heard over the years, I would say you have a fire! Once a cheat always a cheat.
There is an old saying in our family;" If love is not being served at the dinner table, it is just better to excuse yourself."
I know this doesn't help with pain, heart ache you are feeling. There doesn't seem to be much love there on his part. I wish you good luck and maybe think about that old saying. Because I know somewhere out there, there is someone that will love you for who you are.

Answer 3

Sounds like a big mess to me. He cheated and then you cheated on him and now he's probably cheating again ... I mean, if he is soliciting sex over the internet and asking women to meet him at a hotel and then he's receiving e-mails from "V" well you know what's going on. Both of you are in the wrong - in my opinion. If you all have been married for over 16 years and he just admitted to cheating on you 3 years ago, then I wouldn't put anything past him. I could forgive somebody for cheating once but this is a little different. What would I do? I would leave him because I believe he has been cheating all the time and him and "V" have something going on. I mean, this doesn't sound like it can really be fixed. But again, that's my opinion. I usually don't suggest divorce but in this case it sounds like you did make a mistake by cheating, but it sounds like you really want to make things right. On the other hand, your husband sounds like he wants a quick lay and wants to keep pulling the wool over your eyes as long as you let him. Get out now and start over with someone who can tell you truth upfront. Better yet, someone who doesn't even have to cheat at all. I mean, if he's so desperate that he's online looking for sex then you don't know what diseases he will bring home to you. STD's don't have a name on them. Good Luck!

Answer 4

What is your husband doing sending naked pictures of himself to other women? I seriously doubt that he's sending those pictures without having something else in mind. In regards to that e-mail from V who said that she loves your husband, I find that very suspicious and it sounds like they have probably met. Why else would she be sending him an e-mail on Valentine's day? I don't know if I would even suggest going to marriage counseling because I believe that it would be a waste of time and stave off the inevitable. If you think that counseling would be beneficial, then by all means try it. I would probably start looking into other options at this juncture such as divorce because you don't sound happy and life's too short not to be happy.

Answer 5

on a serious note. if any of the emails went to underage girls police need to be informed. that's very serious.
if not i do not personally think you can keep a relationship with this person. the psychological damage to you throughout going through all of these situations will eventually leave you very depressed. unless you come to a conclusion that either of you can sleep with anyone else (which i do not suggest because thats a whole new realm of problems) you probably need to pack up the whole relationship and try something else out. sending naked pictures over the internet is a sure sign of intent irregardless and will hold up in court (been here before with wife #1 so trust me)

Answer 6

SIMPLY DUMP HIM!!!! not only does he cheat..he lies...you have the proof now what more do you want or need??and it sounds like at first you both was playing games as to who can cheat the most and he did it so i will do it...two wrongs DONT make a right..but that was 6 years ago and you forgave him and came this far..to find out hes cheated again..yes getting online and playing with other women is cheating...making plans to meet is cheating..the word here??MARRIED!! that means a bond... a mutual bond and vow to god to not forsake eachother...woman you deserve better..and i mean it..give him the heeho and find someone who wil be trustful..truthful and love you and not want other women..he did it once he did it twice and now hes not gonna stop


good luck and a hug to you..

Answer 7

Go with your gut feeling. Once a cheat always a cheat. Getting back someday might cause you to catch a disease.
Please go find someone that will be yours and yours alone. One that respects and loves you. Good luck. Life is too short! Do you want to still talk about the same things in another 6 years to come.

Answer 8

He denies it...so what? You know that's a lie. He is a cheater!!! You've caught him red-handed. If you want to live a life full of lies and cheating then stay with this man, but ma'am after all of this time you should want more. You've done all that you could to love this man. Now you have to love yourself. Leaving him will be hard, but is best because he will only continue to cheat. Don't believe the apologies or the "I won't do it again." Yes he will,
1st time: shame on him
2nd time: shame on you
3rd or more: FOOLISH!

Answer 9

He is weak...he thinks it's ok to send and receive naked pics if he didn't actually meet up with them?

You are so hurt, I think you know what you need to do. You don't want to live the rest of your life feeling suspicious and worried that he's doing it AGAIN. "Where is he...?" "Who is he talking to online...?" I know that would drive me crazy. I think he is still dining out on your mistake, ready to throw it in your face when he is caught misbehaving.

Don't leave your house....why should you!?? Pack his bags again and mean it this time. Your Dad meant well but he's not the one having to put up with this.

It'll be hard. But in the long run when you are happy, you can look back and see you made the right decision for you.

Answer 10

Both of you need counseling, speaking from experience, your husband is probably suffering from feelings of inadequicies of his own thus prompting him to seek approval from other women, starting a vicious cycle between the 2 of you. You have already taken the first step by admitting that there is a problem. Talk to a counselor, clergyman, or even your family doctor ( you could both be suffering from depression) If your husband wont go with you go by yourself but do something before this escalates and affects your children if it already hasnt. Best of luck to you both.