I am married and have two beautiful twins boys, but I'm lonely.?

Question

I have been married for 2 years and have 10 month old twin boys. They take up alot of my time, but I still find time to be lonely. I recently asked my husband if we could move back to Ms, and he made up every excuse in the book. I tried to explain that I had no friends, no family, nothing to do here, I'm in this house 24/7 with our kids and I need friends, outlets. He told me to get a hobby, then when i got one he bitched about it. He gets home from work at 4:30 and goes outside to fix on his mud bogin truck. Out of a week he may change 1 diaper and fix 2 bottles the rest of the time I am doing it. I have become depressed lately, and I really feel if I moved back home(Ms) I wouldn't be depressed anymore. All of my family and old friends live there. How do I get him to understand, how I feel. We both don't have friends or family here and his job ain't that great. What do I do, stay quite and hide my feelings about moving or voice them?

Answer 1

Be very open and honest and staight to the point. You need to be around more than just your kiddos. I was in the same situation and was very depressed. I tried so hard to be happy and be the wife that he wanted. One can only be the person that they are. Please for yours and the children's and possibly the marriage(although, you should be first on the list) sake, do what is going to make you the happiest. Being stuck in a strange place w/ only children to socialize w/ is very dangerous. If he doesnt agree to help w/ your situation, then YOU need to help YOU w/ your situation. Good luck!
Gosh I just read some of the other responses...dear, its not you complaining or not being a good wife. YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY. He is your husband, you should be able to share w/ him whatever you want to. Do not hide your feelings, especially from the man who promised to love you forever and be there in good and bad times. If he cant live up to his promises then that is on him. Do what is best for you and your precious children. Email me if you need to talk. I was in a very similiar position. Take a look at yourself and ask if you can live like this forever...the answer will be clear to you. Again, Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 2

You are long overdue for a conversation with your husband about your roles in this marriage. Hire a sitter for the evening and go out to dinner and tell him how you feel. If he won't go or won't listen, meet him at the door when he comes home from work next week and go spend some quiet time alone, leaving him to care for his sons. This should remind him that they are, in fact, his responsibility as well as yours. Ask him to help you more around the house, too. Any excuse he makes for not helping is bullshit!

I speak from experience, because I have twin boys who are now seven years old. My wife didn't change a diaper for the first month of their lives because I was home with her and helping her care for OUR babies. In order for you to get a hobby or job, you're going to need him to step up and be a real dad, not just a breadwinning sperm donor.

Maybe when he sees how unhappy and stressed out you really are, he'll either consider moving back to MS, picking up the slack by helping you more around the house, or letting you hire some help so you can reclaim your life. Make sure he understands how hard this is for you, and how he takes for granted the respite he gets every day by going to work. Yes, he has to earn a living, but tell him you'll trade places with him if he'll stay at home and be Mr. Mom. When he laughs, ask why he won't consider it. After he reels off all the excuses, tell him that you could make the same excuses, but you realize that someone has to raise your children, and that it shouldn't be you alone.

I feel for you, and you are in a really tough situation. I hope you two work something out very soon.

Answer 3

That is a hard situation to be in... I was there years ago, the loneliness, new city. with kids thing. Although I was working and I make a good income, I ended up leaving and almost becoming a whole new person. i love this and it was the best decision I made!

He isn't concerned at all about how you feel but I certainly can relate because it's painful as hell to be in a relationship and feel lonely all the time. It sucks! and you sometimes feel stuck between a simple choice for him or a hard one for you, meaning him, participating more in family business, helping out and spending time w/you or you leaving to return to familiar ground where you have a support group.

I say b4 too long, you'll be outta there, with or w/o him.

best wishes
Stephanie~

Answer 4

a million. Erica Danielle Hansen. 2. Jessica Madeleine and Jude Callaghan. 3. Luca Alexander. 4. Alexia Bridget. 5. Jane Violet, might want to Louisa, Ray Christopher. 6. Rica, Jessie, Jude, Lexi, Janey, Maisie, and Ray-Ray.

Answer 5

You can't hide how you feel, you'll only hurt yourself and your children. Bottomline is your husband is being totally selfish. Honestly I don't even know where to start. He expected you to give up family and friend for his career and yet does zero to help ease the transition. If he won't help raise HIS family, then I see no choice but for you to move back so you can get the support you and your family needs. You need to have a serious talk with him.

Answer 6

nobody can ever make you feel a certain way you choose to have those thought and feelings
i take pried in taking care of my husband and my home that is my hobby
don't be so sensitive and stop thinking if you move it will get better because if you move it will just be something else i suggest reading a book called
The Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents
by Deepak Chopra

Answer 7

I can relate a bit--I'd say this--don't focus on what you don't want--focus on what you WANT..I wound up moving closer to where I wanted to be by writing affirmations and thinking positively--I just kept positive images in my mind--and I avoided arguing about it or trying to convince my husband to move..and then it happened--we moved --now again--I'd like to move to exactly where I want to be--and I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking negatively, or complaining or trying to convince my husband...The thing I need to remind myself --again--is that by arguing about what I don't like--I make it a bigger part of my life--So focus on what you DO want...
I feel it's okay to want something that intuitively feels right to you..Sure you can also make more efforts where you are.. (Actually that happened to me--when I started liking where I was and still wanting to move--that's when I got the opportunity to move!)But if you really want to be somewhere else, then if you positively focus on that, you can make it happen...

So--overall I would say--keep your ideas to yourself--You might mention that you still want to move but don't argue it out because then your husband will get more resistant...stay positive and imgaine what life will be like once you do move--and also enjoy what you have now--in the place you are in--Positive energy brings about enormous change.

Answer 8

Get a dog so you and the twins can play with the dog.. Always good to have around as a friend.

Answer 9

Hon, Gosh I"m sorry but your health and happiness should be his top priority ! Wow you gave him twins. Honestly share whats on your heart.

Answer 10

Tell him exactly what you told us. If he doesn't respect how you feel, then leave his sorry ***. It really is that simple. Why waste any more of your life on him? There are 3 BILLION people on this planet, why let one ruin your life.