Can this marriage work ?

Question

We have been together three years . I have three children from a previous marriage. We have a new baby also. We fight alot. He makes the same mistakes over and over. He is verbally abusive and controlling. He ignores me mostly except for when he wants something. He is disrespectful. It is either hot or cold with us. There isn't a warm area. I do love him and I know he loves me. He just doesn't show it well with me. He is great with his son and good with my other three children. I have long since given up and my emotions are just crazy. I don't feel the great love I had for him in the beginning anymore. I feel almost completely numb. I have had resentment and anger towards him and I even think that I was happier alone. He has changed a good bit since we first were together but he slips into destructive behavior and he doesn't care. He talks to his lady friend up north for his pick me ups, not me. He claims they are only friends. Thats a sticky situation. How do I make this work ?

Answer 1

You fight alot...that is wrong and making both of you insensitive.

You are probably a very good person from what I read and your husband feels the same way or he wouldn't of married you.

Now somewhere down the road something is discovered that makes the candle burn dim.

If this has something to do with you then you need to evaluate yourself compleltely to look deep as to what is relevant.

On the other hand, he may have a hang up and needs to look deep inside himself to see what it might be pursausive in heart.

This is a scenario>>>A Man meets a Woman with three children form a previous marriage. She must be one hot firecracker because I personally would not get involved with another Woman with children unless I knew for sure what she stood for that would complete me. If there is doubt..leave it out.

Sometimes what is pretty on the outside isn't necessarily pretty on the inside and Men can get carried away from lust to sex in a heart beat and lose their marbles before realizing that he failed to check it out thoroughly for compatibility rather than what apprears to be working presently. His Jet will crash.

Now after 2 years together toawards your three years something begins to not pan out.

You have a child by him now too.
That appears to make him very happy though, your going through hell.
So something is wrong and you feel it is you or you wouldn't be asking how to change things to make it better.

My guess is that he has found something wrong with you and lost total repsect, but when he wants a piece of azz it seems to happen.
He can't have his cake and eat it too, but it's too late to find worms in this marriage after three years together.

From what I've read you explain that he is abusive and for the life of me love or no love ...how can you love someone that is abusive to you?

How can he be a good Father with setting examples of fighting all the time.?

It takes two to make a baby and it will take two to get out of this mess.

You have seen the light. Your marriage is on the rocks once again and this time it will be strike two.
Three strikes your out;
Let's try to make this marriage work. Why not both of you sit down and say to each other the hell with arguing crap.
Wer're adults. Lets act like it. Look at me when I'm talking to you. Don;t look at the T.V. and act as if I am not here.
Eye contact is a must,. You lose eye contact,. you decompose and the worms crawl in and destroy a marriage.
Respect one another. You have no right to argue with him and he has no right to argue with you. Both of you are wrong.
NO Marriage is built on that crap. It destroys it.

It's time to change things. It's time to make this marriage work. If you feel that getting out of this marriage will do you good your wrong. You will carry with a you a marriage disease that will follow you all your days and take it with you where ever you go to whom ever you will be with.
Nip it in the bud now.
Start new and fresh with a nice friendly hello to each other,. hugs, kisses and romance. For Christ sake your married and its' about time you both show it and feel it all over again or else your doomed.

You can do it. He can do it. Gain control of your life and your children and your husband and make this marriage work. If you show him any more hostility it will make things worse.

It's about time he realize who he married and that means you must take control of yourself, your life and your responsibility's to your children and what I am saying is that you must show independence and be the strong Woman that you are becasaue it is a God gift you have,but your not using it.

Show him that you can handle your weight without him.

He can join you or be against you.

He may see a side of you he hasn't seen yet.
Maybe ...it's time for change and change will bring good will and fortune to the both of you.
I wish you the best Sugar Cakes! Don't give up the SHIP yet:)

Answer 2

You really just need to be happy... what ever that may be. I was in a marriage that tore me apart emotionally. I weighed 120 lbs at the beginning of our marriage and ended up 4 years later at 90 lbs and so ill that I had to quit working full time. Stress can do so much harm on your body. And your children know you're not happy. It always amazes me how much those little ones really know. If you both want to work things out, then you BOTH need to put 100% effort into making things work. If not, I hate to say it, you'll still feel the same way 1, 5, 10, maybe even 20 years from now. Don't settle for less than what you deserve in your life... remember, you only live once... make it count. Good luck.

Answer 3

" YOU" can't make it work, you both have to work on it together. One person can't put the pieces back into a relationship... you both have to want it. First, this kind of behaviour should not be tolerated. If he loved you as you say he wouldn't be disrespecting you is these ways. Second, he "IS NOT " great " with his children if he is abusive towards their mother. Ponder this... how do you think your kids will grow up listening to that day in and day out. Verbal abuse causes damage and can lead to physical abuse as well, please don't allow your family to fall victim to this. You know the saying there is a fine line between love and hate, well I think your numbness explains it all. If I were you I would suggest counselling to him. If he says no or doesn't change I would pack up my kids and RUN... do not walk out that door.

Answer 4

Honestly I don't think it will, this pattern will sadly keep continuing till either you both decide on some marriage counseling or you chose to leave. Either way you don't deserve to be treated like that, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship a while ago and it broke me down so much I was blind to everything he was doing, it wasn't love, it was the fact I didn't want to be alone and I put up with it. I wish you luck dear and I hope you make the right choice for you and your children. You don't need him

Answer 5

You say, " I do love him and I know he loves me. " If he really loved you, he would not treat you like this. Yes, the marriage could work. Any marriage can... if people change. But the truth is that very few people change. The best indicator of the future is the past. If you really want to try to make it work, get some marriage counseling. If he won't go, then go yourself. Otherwise, you're better off calling an attorney and seeing what your options are. Good luck!

Answer 6

well this is a sticky situation. It sounds to me like you husband is not beign a man and is resorting to beion a coward. It is not OK to be talking to "Lady Friend" about problems and not communicating those issues with you. his Abuse (verbal or whatever) should be a huge red flag as to what you may have in store for you in the future. Both of you should go to counseling to work your problems out and if he refuses to communicate with you and do the counseling it could be time to get out of a potentially dangerous relationship.

Answer 7

Ya know you would have thought that you would have found out all of this before you married him and made another baby!It was your responsibility to create an enviroment that is healthy for your children you did not notice any of this before that makes little sense.I think you got into this without any thought of the future and now you wnat out.

Answer 8

Try talking with him and discuss the possibility of going to get some professional help as a family.

I think that we all need a chance and a moment to change.

Best of lucks!

Answer 9

I would suggest couples therapy. If you both want the marriage to work, it could really help to bring your problems to the surface so they can be dealt with.
Whatever you do, be sure to think about it in a rational manner. You do have four kids to worry about.

Answer 10

You can't. Get out now while you can. You've wasted 3 years already & deserve MORE, much more. Dont' waste anymore of YOUR precious time w/this one. Everyone deserves loyalty, happiness & emotional fulfillment; don't settle for just OK.