I know he would not do his first love, Vanya, this way, but I need him soo much, and I do love him, what do I do ? What is going thru his mind ? He has already dumped me but has asked me back........how do I leave him when I need him soo much ? I feel trapped. Is he a controller or what ? Will he dump me before I dump him ? You can read my other questions if you like ? We are nice to each other but deep down I wonder, does he truly love me if he disrespects me sexually ? Plus he knows I don't want to have sex but he is a master seducer and I don't have anywhere else to live.
2007-05-18 08:56:16 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, you are getting used. Dump him or stop whining---those are your only two options. Shame on him for hurting you once, shame on you for him hurting you twice.
2007-05-18 08:58:33 · answer #1 · answered by RN_and_mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh sweetheart. it sounds all too familiar unfortunately. it's hard to hear, but yeah-he's a controller by the sounds of it.
in my own experience...he dumped me and begged for me back only God knows how many times...he would abuse me sexually minimally every other day and blame me for all the faults (at the time he claimed to believe that sex outside of marriage was nothing but wrong) this went on for 4 months before i finally took a trip where i couldnt talk to him the whole time (neither of us had cell phones) to see my sister and finally realized how much he was controlling me and how much i didnt need that in my life.
that's my experience (in a VERY small nutshell) i dont know dynamics of your relationship, but i'd reccommend trying to take a weekend trip or something by yourself and where you CANNOT talk to him...no matter how badly you want to. and just try to take a step back and see what kind of impact he really does have on your daily life. whether it's good or bad.
being dumped before you dump him? well, the cycle always goes on and on and it wont break until you choose to break it.
true love takes true respect and true trust. sex is an act that reveals the most intimate and often vulnerable side of a person. it should be wanted by both people. why do you think they call it 'making love'? if he is distrespecting you sexually, than he is disrespecting a part of you that is as deep and often emotional as it can possibly get. and he thus doesnt respect you in other ways...so, from your description, no, he doesnt truly love you. ESP when he knows you dont want to have sex but is taking advantage of you anyway. just because you 'give in' doesnt make it right. believe me, i know.
Love is and should be the absolute best thing we have in our lives. it's not a ball and chain we need to feel obligated to. if you feel trapped, you need to get out.
a place to go? there are 'safehouses' everywhere that you can find near you that can help you find jobs, a place to live, and everything else you need. without him knowing where you've gone.
know that you ALWAYS have a choice. YOU are the one that CHOOSES your options. no matter how much you love someone, you should never NEED them to feel good and beautiful about yourself.
i know this is harsh and may be something you dont want to hear, but it's all from experience.
i really hope that you can be strong and make the decision that will truly be right for you and will make you the happiest in the end. and no one else (including him!) can say what's right for you-if being with him is what's right for you, than so be it. but again, know that you ALWAYS have a choice.
best of luck and love!
2007-05-18 16:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by Dear Abby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the main problem is that you need him for a place to live. i would say just stay away from him and you will see that you are ok but i can see that the situation is more complicated than that. but for real. don't be with a guy that makes you feel like that cuz you would be wasting your love when there is a guy out there who would love to have it and would know how to treat you and how to talk to you and his friends. your in to deep, that's all. ask a friend if you can live with her, even if you get back with him, you will know it's cuz of love and not because of other dependencies. good luck
2007-05-18 16:02:07 · answer #3 · answered by killa' fo' real 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man is going to brag a little about getting sex. It depends on how far they take it. If he is going into every detail then he is just using you for sex. When a man loves a woman they tend to keep thier mouth shut some so the other men will not go try to get some of that.
2007-05-18 16:02:07 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You DON'T need him. This is something YOU are forcing on yourself. If he disrespects you that much, and being with him makes you miserable, do NOT go back out with him. You should never base your identity on someone else. You need to call your parents and talk to them about sleeping on their couch until you can get your head and your life sorted out. A good relationship makes you feel like you're floating on air. It doesn't make you sick to your stomach and feeling used and degraded. There are millions of men out there, and there are plenty that would be willing to be with you and treat you like a human being rather than a sex toy. Go find some of them.
2007-05-18 16:01:05 · answer #5 · answered by gilgamesh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out of this relationship. He does NOT respect or love you. He is using you. The sooner that loser is out of your life, the sooner you can get back on your feet and move on with your life. You do not need him as much as you think you do. If you cannot get yourself to leave on your own, see your doctor and get referred to a therapist. You need to work on your self-confidence and esteem. I wish you the best of luck!
p.s. I am a little unclear about something: are you married? If so, you should call an attorney. An attorney can help you out. Why should YOU leave? Maybe HE ought to.
2007-05-18 16:00:16 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're co-dependent. He;s disrespecting you. You need to either save some money or find a friend to take you in for a little while but you need to run from this individual.
2007-05-18 16:07:15 · answer #7 · answered by jasgallo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st dont jump in a relationship without studying the person have a job that way u dont depend on anyone use commom sense in life he dumps u takes u again dumps u girl wake up and get some1 who cares
2007-05-18 16:03:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First - you don't need him.
He isn't someone that you need. If he's disrespectfully to you sexually, and it's something that you've talked with him about before, then it's time to get out. There are always other places to go. Please don't stay with him just because you think you won't have anywhere else to live.
2007-05-18 16:11:43 · answer #9 · answered by HuntersMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy crap...this whole thing is a train wreck. He is an ultra-controlling man who doles out mental abuse like it's jello....you on the other hand have no self-esteem and take it like he's doing you a favor.
Get out of that "relationship" right now, get a job, take care of yourself and stay away from men until you get your self straight.
2007-05-18 16:04:31 · answer #10 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't respect you. You seem to be a spineless tool, so I can see why he doesn't. Get some stones and leave him if he won't respect you. Quit saying you need him so much. You don't need anyone, you just want someone. Stop being so useable.
2007-05-18 16:07:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋