Should I forgive my husband for writing his ex wife an email about his dream to her?

Question

Like I said before, he wrote her that email that was detailed. They have two children together and they have to talk at least a little bit. He was open about his past and cries when he tells me that I am the only one he wants and loves me more than anything. He said that she bugged him about that email to get the details, but he says that he didn't write what the whole email said. She doesn't like me very much because I am nice to their children and they like me. He has microsoft outlook for his email and he can't check his mail because someone hacked into his account. I want to trust him so bad, but I know how it has always been for me, getting hurt. I don't want to look like a fool. He hasn't changed his story one bit, and keeps on saying that he is not lying and that he only wants me and doesn't have any feelings for her anymore. We have only been married for two weeks, but have been together for over a year. I am so upset! What do I do?

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

Well first off you really need to trust him. If the two of you do not have trust you both shouldn't have gotten married. However he also needs to respect your feelings on the matter. Whether you believe him or not the best thing would be for you to sit down and think of what should be done in the future to avoid these feelings you are having and any problems it may cause. Perhaps you could speak to him about the relaitonship that the two of them have. I understand they have to maintain a relationship for their children, however they do not have to have any relationship beyond their children. If you think that him just speaking with her stictly about their children and nothing else would make you more at ease, speak to him about that, if there is no feelings beyond their children then he will have no problem respecting your wishes. My opinion is that two people can have children together but once they move on, it should be all about the children and that is it, discussion of dreams they had I don't think is acceptable. I would not approach him saying "that is unacceptable" that could really upset someone because then they feel like you are belittling their judgement. I suggest you sit with him and speak with him about your feelings, explain you are going to believe him this one time, and that you two do not need this kind of friction when you are just starting off in the marriage, and that you feel it is time for a compromise because you don't like feeling this way, and that you want to avoid any future problems. I can't tell you whether to believe him or not that is something in your own mind and heart. However you don't have any proof (be it that he caused that or that it really was someone hacked) but he was honest about the e-mail. Perhaps he wasn't 100% honest but that is the bad thing about e-mails and conversations, you never really know what they say because one you can delate and the other unless you are around to hear it, they can tell you anything. I suggest you speak with him though about how to deal with this in the future and let this one time pass by you...at 2 weeks marriage you really don't need this friction and that goes for his ex stepping over the bondaries that she should have also, but you don't have a relationship with her, your husband is the only one who needs to be concerned about your feelings and making marriage work with you. Good Luck and don't stress.

Answer 3

I don't really understand what happened... you're talking about a dream and then someone hacking in to his email account. Was it a bad dream that he told her about it, had he dreamed about her?

It isn't really a good sign that this be happening so early in a marriage but the best thing to do is forgive and move on. It sounds a bit like jealousy of the ex which is completely normal in your situation. If you are able to talk out the issue and forgive him this will definitely help in case there should be another issue that arises in the future of your marriage.

Answer 4

I personally would be pissed!! I know that if two people have children together that they have to communicate. But I believe that they only have to communicate about the children. I would not put up with my husband sending his ex wife an email. Especially if it was about a dream and not about their children. I would tell him that he should not have to communicate with her like that unless it has something to do with their children. As for her not liking you, its because she is afraid that her children will like you too much. She is just jealous. She would be happy if her children did not like you but then you would be miserable being around children that did not like you. Like I said in the beginning, I would have a big problem with communication that did not involve their children. You should tell him exactly how you feel.

Answer 5

He's your husband. If you love him... you should trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt till proven otherwise. We should always forgive those we love because guaranteed we'll be hurt fromt time to time. Try and let it go and not wait for something else to happen and only bring this back up. We are who we are and if hes dishonest or unfaithful or whatever lack of trust between partners will only drive each other away.

Answer 6

You have been with this man for the past year and by now should know him like the back of your hand. Give him the benefit of the doubt. You love him, he loves you... You know, because he has kids in common with this woman, he will always have to be in contact with her. It may not be easy, but let this go. It was just a dream, right? He isn't going to decide to act it out with her. Move on.

Answer 7

How do you know it was a "detailed" email? Watch him closely even if you have to install spyware on your computer which can be done by you over the phone. Use someone else's credit card if he sees the bills. Hold off having children with him.

Answer 8

Appears your husband likes the drama that cheating creates. Trust me, he is emailing his ex for a reason, he is trying to see if she is willing to sleep with him. I don't blame you for being upset, I would be bulistic! Your husband cries and tells you he just wants you only to convince you and get you off his back. He was totally out of line in emailing her about his dream.

Answer 9

He had a dream! It was not an affair, it was a dream! In spite of what you might have seen on Jerry Springer, not everything is an affair waiting to happen. You need to get some self-confidence. I'm not saying that to be mean, but because I think it is at the root of your issue.

Answer 10

it seems he still thinks of her and wants her and needs to stay in touch with her. seeing in a dream shows repressed feelings and desires, that is one thing, but what about writing an email about it ?! it is a behaviour ! it is a stimulant !
this is avery irritating situation and i don t want to hurt you much, but if i were you, i would be doubtfull about him after that matter. i would think "if he calls her, meets her, still writes to her", etc. i dont undertsand his aim indeed, but i think he isnt as honest as you said. all those behaviours will only make you sad and insecure. :(
would you write to your ex boyfriends abotu your dream and that you saw him with you ? how would your husband react to it ?
you are very right to be upset and angry but you are still lucky to see his real personality earlier. that was a bad experience , maybe a warning sign for you. dont forget that the marriage doesnt change people.

Answer 11

I know i might be young but just leave it alone and let it be u already married him if its true its true theres nothing you can do except trust so just let it be.. trust in faith thats all you need and if what he says isnt correct at least you will know cause no how slick someone gets you will always some how now so just leave it alone for now but dont forget..