After 15 years, two teenage daughters and living with his family for 10+ years, my husband has decided that he no longer likes who I have become. He says I lack excersice and need to stop watching TV. He says I pay no attention to myself or him. He has a short temper and wants me to be perfect house wife. Make dinner everyday and have the house spotless after a regular 40 hour work week. Don't want to toss it all away but he is pushing me to just drop everything and start fresh and alone.
2007-05-18 08:43:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is a very hard worker. Works general gardening and is a handyman at work and at home. I am greatfull for that.
2007-05-18 11:14:22 · update #1
I think that you should sit your husband down and have a discussion with him.
He needs to hear how much you love him and appreciate all the hard work that he puts in daily for the family. Also let him know that it is your desire to please him and have a loving marriage with him, because it sounds like you really do.
Let him know that your feelings are hurt because you feel as though you are not being appreciated, and that nothing you seem to do is ever good enough.
Tell him that you strongly desire for your marriage to work, and suggest marriage counseling to him so that you both can have the opportunity to properly express your needs and issues to another effectively.. with a counselor present that can help analyze those feelings and keep one another from getting defensive or feeling attacked.
You have two beautiful daughters and a wonderful home together. It would be great for that home to be peaceful and happy. If you can work together to get rid of these issues, it can be a great place to come home to, indeed!
Some people are so jaded that the first thing they always tell you to do is leave. Obviously, you are mature enough to realize that you both have a lot invested in this marriage. It is worth it to try your hardest to salvage it. But there must be two people that try, not just one.
So definitely offer counseling, and go a step further.. look for a counselor that you both can be comfortable opening up to. Work on your marriage; it's worth it!!
Listen to one another's wants and needs, and do your best to make them happen, with some help.
Good luck.
2007-05-24 04:32:51 · answer #1 · answered by michaeljazz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you already work a 40 hour work week and do the house cleaning and make suppers, etc...my question to you is - what does he do? Sounds to me like you're doing all the contributing! I'm sure he probably pays his part of the bills, but is he a great father? Great husband? Yard worker?
Tell him that maybe it's not you that he doesn't really like. Maybe there's some aspect of his life that is making him miserable and you cannot be his scapegoat. The man owes you an apology because wouldn't he be surprised to come home one day and find nothing done and you gone?
I have just left my hubby of 10 years. It's not an easy thing to do, but I stuck by my decision (hoping in vain that he would see what I did around the house). He did acknowledge he had no idea how much I did around the house on top on my job and my children. He didn't even KNOW how to pay bills or where to get the best prices while shopping. Suddenly, I wasn't as lazy or stupid as he thought I was.
Men have a weird temptation to think of "self" first and then everyone else. They do things for their families, but there is always that expectation that they will be thoroughly cared for as well. Put your foot down, darlin', and if it takes a separation for him to see how valuable you are, then stick with your guns. Good luck!
2007-05-18 15:54:25 · answer #2 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell him you would like to be married to an adult who knows how to pick up after others, be a good parent, spice up the bedroom activity, cook, and hold down a job away from home. It's too bad but it sounds like he falls short of being this desirable person.
And since going to work all the hrs you do isn't enough for him, it's no longer enough for you to have a partner in your life who works away from home but can't manage the household responsibility which goes along with family life.
Sounds like you're more suitable husband material than he is.
Get a little more exercise but do it for yourself to feel better, NOT for him. You have every right to choose TV to unwind now and then. If it doesn't fulfill your needs, do it less.
2007-05-25 01:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by reeksofhoney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you need to move out on your own, together. Second off, do you like who you have become? I am not putting judgement on you, but I too work well over 40 hour weeks, 18 month old son, I am in shape, I cook, clean and still we have sex 12 times a week. Marriage and relationships take work, alot of work. I say, for yourself, start walking together in the evenings, cook together when possible, and make sure the sex is pleasurable. You will see that things can work if you both work on it together. Good luck.
2007-05-25 14:10:23 · answer #4 · answered by Only In Dreams 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, I am in the same position! I say the hell with him, you work hard too! I work a 40/hrs. a week, and come home to work (p/t) @ home on the computer, and still expects everything else to be done too! Meanwhile, it is all his stuff to clean up and do anyway! Men have some nerve, but they r not gonna change!!! So, if u need to get out, I would do it now!
And I will join u on that fresh start!!! lol
If u need me, I am here! ;o)
2007-05-25 12:20:24 · answer #5 · answered by Daisy1Luv 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if you try to start payin gattention to yourself??? I tis a novel ideal After raising two kids and taking care of your husband, I think it is time. maybe you do watch too much tv? I recommend yoga. It is the ONLy "exercise" that will giv eyou energy, instead of making you tired. you will feel better, look better, feel better abotu yourself, and yoga fixes"llose screws" in your head as well. Itired it, i know it works. FInd a Bikram yoga class in your area- it is yoga with no bs, and commit to taking 5 classes before you quit. I garantee it it willchange your life forever. It changed mine to the point tha tI bacame a yoga instructor ( I work a 40 hour week and clesn and cook as well) Good luck to you!!!
2007-05-25 13:24:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHOA!!!! Is there more to this than what your saying? Are you really ready to drop the past 15 years and start fresh??? I think this can be talked over with hubby, dont you? Does he know how you feel? I suspect he may be going through his mid-life crisis....and believe me babe...when they go through this mess in their lives, most become really hard to live with. But cant you sit and talk with him before you throw it all out? It will be worth it. Think of your girls. Have you talked to them? Try doing what you can for a while. Try it his way. It will be hard but get your girls to help with dinner and cleaning. See if he notices and appreciates it. If not, then I have another suggestion for you, but we'll wait for that. Good luck babe. Try it.
2007-05-25 13:14:38 · answer #7 · answered by HOPE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband wants you to be the "perfect housewife" then he should first off note that housewives don't work outside the home. And if a housewife is what he wants then he should make it possible for you to be able to quit your job and stay at home to attend to your "womanly chores."
2007-05-25 17:07:33 · answer #8 · answered by Heaven W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I also lived with my inlaws for over 10 years! I thought I was the only crazy one! Tell me, how did that work out for you?
2007-05-25 13:00:20 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he is a hard worker he can pay child support if he has lost interest in you and if i you arnt getting a good feeling in your heart cleaning and cooking and taken care of house needs. what the hell toss it. find someone who is willing to give not take
2007-05-24 17:44:34 · answer #10 · answered by ken E 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋