What do you think?

Question

If you are involved with a co-dependant person, how can you tell if it is love or neediness?

Answer 1

If you can tell that you're involved with a co-dependent person, you are obviously aware the neediness is playing a major role.

Help them find help in becoming more independent. If they can accomplish that and still love you, maybe it's real love.

Now that I think of it, you can't be with a co-dependent person unless you're also that way. Are you? If so, you could both probably use some work on finding your individual selves. Otherwise, this person is simply dependent.

Answer 2

Love and neediness aren't mutually exclusive. The problem with the neediness is that it prevents the love being fully expressed i.e. in Scott Peck's words "being willing to extend oneself for the development of someone else".

By definition, if you are involved with someone who is co-dependent, you are too. Are you able to see the ways in which your own particular 'stuff' gets played out in the relationship, in a way which supports your partners 'stuff' and vice versa? That's what needs to be worked on.