How soon is too soon to TALK about marriage.?

Question

I posted a question earlier about someone I'm dating for 5 months and how we were discussing our desire for marriage and people wrote all kinds of statments implying I'm psycho to even discuss marriage at 5 months of dating and got a whole bunch of thumbs up for it too. Now, call me old fashioned, but I never figured ANY topic of conversation is off limits if both parties want to discuss it. Second, since when has working towards a goal constitued actually DOING it. In my culture, the standard is you spend the first 6-months of dating getting to know each other (including talking about their attitudes/goals on marriage), another 6 seeing if there is long-term compatibility. One gets engaged at around the 1-year mark and married from 4-12 months after engagement. Thats a minimum of 14 months and a max of 24. My GOD, since when did this become psycho? So, is the norm that marriage is not even discussed until ___ time? And when is that?

Answer 1

You can talk about marriage on the first date, if you both want-there is no rules or limits and you don't sound "psycho" for wanting to discuss and find out more about your partners needs and desires for the future.

If you two desire different things then you should know that sooner than later so you can find someone else, if necessary, who shares the same desires as you. No harm in talking about it. Now if you were pressuring him to propose to you after 5 months...then I would say you were desperate, but still not psycho. Good luck!

Answer 2

You are NOT psycho and don't let anyone fool you into thinking that you are. Every relationship is different and is based on the chemistry. Some hit it off from the start and get to know each other rapidly and soon discover together, that they want to plan to commit to each other. There's nothing psycho about it. It's only psycho when one is not ready and the other obsesses over it and doesn't let the issue rest for a while, which usually creates a wedge. If the two of you have the desire to commit and want to plan a wedding after 5 months of dating, then go for it. Live your lives as you choose and be happy.

Answer 3

I missed the PSYCHO part of the answer session I guess - lol.

Anyway I have known people who got married after only knowing each other 2 weeks - but I don't recommend it. I think seeing someone in a crisis type situation helps to see the TRUE nature of that person. I think a year or two is good but - get busy actually asking questions - and talking about your core values - don't just have sex and let the time catch up with you and still don't know the person - lol. I mean 5 years is way long enough to wait on someone if they take longer than that I think they are stalling or afraid. I don't think you are PSYCHO if that helps. CONGRATS!!! on your future marriage.

Answer 4

I think people are too judgmental and what's good for them is not necessarily good for you. With that being said, you were the one who got on here and asked complete strangers about a decision that only you and your bf could possibly know and are the only two who should be concerned with whatever decision you came up with. Now of course it's okay to ask others their "opinions" but keep in mind that that's just what it is, an opinion and everyone is entitled to have theirs, even if that differs from what you believe. Having said that, I don't believe there is any right time-frame to "talk" about marriage or to get engaged or to get married. There are two ways to look at it...1 if you love each other now and you know it's for life, then why wait 1 year to get engaged and another 1 year to get married? Nothing is going to change in 2 years other than you'll find out neither of you are perfect. Also, if you love each other then what's the rush. If you love him today, won't you still love him in 2 years? If not then you shouldn't get married. So my answer is whenever it's right for YOU that's when you should feel free to talk about marriage. You have to do what's best for you.

Answer 5

5 months is not psycho as long as both parties are feeling it. If at 5 months you are spending most time together, have met each others families and friends, then yes, marriage is something that should at least begin to be spoken about. I agree, no topic of conversation should be off limits. Sometimes people on yahoo! answers have nothing but the wrong answers lol.

Answer 6

Any time before the age of 28 is too soon.

I got married after knowing my wife for 14 years. It's perfect bliss!

Seriously, you're not psycho! Some people just know it's right from the start. This is a question you have to answer for yourself. You obviously wont get anyone to agree on Yahoo Q and A!

Answer 7

If you know its right, then talk about it -- I am strongly against people getting married young 23 or younger, if you are older than that -- there is no timetable for when you should get married!! I am 23, I started dating my guy at 21 we dated for 2 years, then he proposed, we got married 4 months later -- i was 23 and he was 25! We started talking about marriage some point in the 1st year!

Answer 8

No WAY! You're not psychco! when you find "the one" it doesn't take long to realize it! I just got married 3 wks ago and we both knew after about a month or two that we would eventually marry. However we stayed engaged for 10 months but only so I could get us a nice wedding put together first ;) Good luck to you both!

Answer 9

To each his or hers own, but I don't think there should be a set time to discuss marriage. I think if a person is in tune with their self to know what they want, it should be up to them to decide when they want to discuss marriage or any other topic they might like. It's really no body's business. I met my wife and we got married 3 weeks latter, that's been 22 years ago now and never regretted it.

Answer 10

You know,I would not have said you were psycho,people go overboard.I would have said 5 months is to soon,because the real you doesn't tend to show for at least a year.We always try to be the person our partner wants us to be, but that never lasts.That's most people.On the other hand,the director of my school told us he asked for his wife's hand in marriage and they've been married for 34 years.Different strokes for different folks.Just always listen to that little voice inside telling you to go foward,or to wait.Trust your gut.If you're having doubts now,it might not be time yet.BUt you're not psycho!Good luck!