Does having a baby really mess up your relationship....me and my boyfriend are having our first baby I was pregnant one before but I miscarried, my boyfriend is the type of guy that thinks cleaning is a girls job I serve him like he's a king I love to spoil him because I love him so much but it surprised me so much because when I was pregnant before he was there for me if I got up to get something he would be right there saying baby i'll get it ok...we do love eachother so much we both share everything together we are having a baby now and his parents keep saying we are ruining our lives she thinks I should wait until i'm 25 to have a baby and i'm 19 now i've been with my boyfriend since I was 12 years old and the love between us is still there and always will be.....but in your opinion will having this baby really break us apart like his mom says? And also what is honestly the hardest part about raising a baby his mom makes it sound like its the hardest thing in the world...
2007-05-18 07:37:46 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
and just so everyone knows we are getting married there is no lack of comitment please don't give me stupid answers i'm asking for your advice!
2007-05-18 07:47:05 · update #1
Being a Mom is a 24/7/365 job. The rewards are few and the pay stinks.
If you two are so "in love" then why has he not asked you to marry him? Sounds like a lack of commitment will be your relationship's downfall.
Additional detail:
My apologies for presuming incorrectly but given the original post, it was my "fatherly" opinion. Best wishes on your life together and your new addition.
2007-05-18 07:42:03 · answer #1 · answered by ©2009 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A baby doesn't "mess up" your relationship... a baby can change a relationship and life drastically. In some cases, I suppose, a baby can mess up a relationship, but if two people are committed to each other "through good times and bad", then they can make it work.
You boyfriend needs to find out that a woman's job is NOT serving him like a king, that is a horrible way to live. You are not obligated to be a servant or a slave to him. Please be careful with that type of relationship.
I'm so sorry that you've experienced a miscarriage. I had one as well, a while ago, and it is a traumatizing time. I'm glad that your bf was supportive to you during that time.
Having a baby will most definitely change your lives... it IS one of the hardest things in the world, bringing up a child. You are responsible for another human life. It's not all a joyous occasion, there are many bumps in the road when you have children. It's not all "ooooohs" and "ahhhhhs" and "Oh how cute..." It's so much more than that.
I have two children, a son who just turned 8 and a daughter who will be 5 in June. My husband and I were married for 8 years before our son was born. Our daughter was born with a cleft lip/palate and has undergone 7 surgeries so far. At age 19 are you ready to handle something like that if it happens? I'm 39 and it's tough on me.
Make sure that this is the guy for you. Get married. Make sure that you are financially responsible... then, if things do go well, think about having a baby.
Good luck to you!
2007-05-18 10:31:38 · answer #2 · answered by AV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a mom IS the hardest job in the world. And it can be very hard on a relationship. Your life will revolve around that child now. All of your priorities have to be shifted to the baby. And if your husband-to-be thinks cleaning and raising babies is women's work....well then you could be facing a lot of resentment towards him. Having a baby is a monumental life change and an incredible responsibility. It will most certainly put a strain on your relationship, especially if the daddy isn't going to be hands on. You will NEED his help and if he doesn't give it, you will be hating him very quickly. You guys need to get very realistic about the life you have ahead of you. Having a baby is an amazing thing, but your mom is right in that it is the hardest thing you'll ever do. Good luck and I hope you guys stay happily together and have a wonderful family.
2007-05-18 09:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by It's just me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. Having a baby does change your relationship. Some relationships can handle it and some just don't. When you are mom to a newborn, most of your time will be spent caring for that baby who does need for you to do everything for him/her. As the type of person your boyfriend is, he may well feel jealous, left out, and resentful that you aren't at his beck and call all the time. You can't change the fact that you are having a baby together, but you need to be realistic about the changes you will experience. Sharing the care of children, house and yard with a supportive, helpful husband is still an exhuasting way of life (but with many rewards). However, you are entering into a time when you will be caring for a baby, a house, and a husband with no help. Add to that the fact that you have never had any time to pursue your dreams, discover who you are and what you want out of life, you will likely find yourself at some point in the future resentful of the direction your life is going. Initially, the hardest part about having a baby is sheer exhuastion. After that, each stage of a baby's life as he grows to adulthood comes with it's own set of difficulties. You will always be a parent regardless of how old your child gets and that changes your life forever. My husband and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary on June 25. We have 4 children, ages 27, 25, 22, and 9 (surprise!). We are grandparents to 1 precious 4 1/2 week old grandson. We have gone through some really bad times and some really good times. It is not enough just to love someone to make a relationship work. Both of you have to be willing to make sacrifices, change the way you expect things to be, and compromise. If one of you always does the giving in, that means the other is always doing the taking and that dynamic in a relationship is not healthy for either of you and is not the best atmosphere to raise a child.
2007-05-18 08:22:31 · answer #4 · answered by sevenofus 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When two people love each other, having a baby together just multiplies that love. It is hard-- babies cry for seemingly no reason sometimes; suddenly it's no longer "about you" anymore; woories, anxieties, and joys that you never thought you could experience... Parenting is an awesome, amazing, SCARY AS HELL experience, and the difference in your relationship will depend entirely upon its strength before baby came. If you are a weak couple (most are), the strain can be very draining, but if you care enough about each other, you can turn it into an excercise in patience and sacrifice. Your partner sounds like he knows instinctively the difference between a girlfriend and the mother of his child, and will grow with you accordingly. Age doesn't factor into parental readiness (unless you're 14 or something). Some of the best mothers I've ever seen started families VERY young, and some of the worst were 40. The risk you run by having a family so young is that you will not know who you are or what you want out of your life, because you started being a "grown-up" so early in your adult life. Don't let your boyfriend and child dictate your deep personal needs ("I just want my bf happy"). If you want more out of life than to be a wife and mother, then don't forget it. When baby is older, go to school and be what you wanted to be before you became a mom. So many young women lose a grasp on their personal goals when they have a kid (my mom included), and end up sacrificing more than they anticipated. Just remember who you are, and don't let it go regardless of how many children you have with that lucky man of yours.
2007-05-18 08:02:32 · answer #5 · answered by Angela M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The baby will amplify your relationship.
If you're relationship is rocky, then having a baby will make it even more so.
If you two are loving and sharing, then you two will bond even more, but there may still be strain.
However, the baby is very dependent and it sounds like you two are too immature to have a baby. You two haven't even figured out your lives...
What are you going to do when you grow up?
What about your boyfriend?
College?
Career?
The 25 or older rule is good since most people will have figured out what they want to to and have established a career and have a steady source of income.
Also, does your boyfriend feel trapped by you being pregnant?
He's on the hook for 18 years, but he sounds unrealistic if he thinks women should be doing the cleaning and cooking.
If that's the way you want to roll, more power to you.
I also think it's B.S. that people are ragging on the mom. She's lived life and has the experience.
What kind of life will the baby have?
People may argue that money isn't everything... which is true to some extent, but money is able to make things easier.
Girls seem to focus on having a "cute" baby as if playing with dolls, instead of the reality of taking care and raising a baby.
You want honesty, but do your really want to hear honesty?
You want to know the hardest part...
Paying the bills... braces, college, projects, doctors visits.
Providing for the baby...
Looking for good schools...
Making sure they hang with the right people...
Doing homework...
It's all tough, especially if you're a concerned parent.
2007-05-18 07:49:36 · answer #6 · answered by Dave C 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First off, skip what the mom says. It isn't the baby that will break you up. It is the fact that neither of you really lived before meeting eachother and you are having kids way too young. It also doesn't help that your boyfriend thinks he is a king. What planet are you both from? The deep south?
Luckily, your ignorance may be bliss. Perhaps the two of you will be together forever. That may be worse than the break up though you won't know it.
The hardest part about raising a child is that you and your husband will never come first again. You can never be the baby once oyu have a baby. Some people aren't prepared for that.
2007-05-18 07:48:24 · answer #7 · answered by Dalice Nelson 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have 4mo old. Life changes! At first I was dead tired, sore (episiotomy), worried sick and unsure of my parenting, and no sex drive. My husband works a lot too. I don't see how I could have time to go back to work and daycare costs how much I can make. It would also be very hard to go back to school. The money strain and still no sex drive could be a problem if my husband and I hadn't been best friends for 11 years. When he comes home from work he says hi to baby before me. I also struggle to just wash dishes anymore. We've gone a whole week with hardly saying hello to each other. and everytime I sit down the lil one starts screaming. I have a masters in space science and raising a baby is waayy harder than that. But it's so worth it. I love my husband and daughter more than I could ever describe. Things are getting easier now, too. Good Luck (got to change baby now, she's smells poopy...)
2007-05-22 06:52:43 · answer #8 · answered by fractaljf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats on your pregnancy!
It is so very hard, I'm a new mom and my husband and I had a few problems in the beginning. It was only because it is hard to pay attention to each other when you just want to be with your new baby all the time. Make sure that no matter what, even if it is just once a week, you make time for just the two of you.
Taking care of a baby gets easier after the first three months, until then hang in there and know that the rewards are incredible. Remember that you will always be your baby's favorite person and your baby will always love you unconditionally.
2007-05-18 12:33:45 · answer #9 · answered by SL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hardest part is going to be the fact that your boyfriend does not respect you or treat you like an equal. If he really loved you, he would help more around the house. With the added responsibility of the baby, which will take up most of your time from now on, if he is not willing to be a good dad and help out more, then you are going to be burdened with a heavy responsibility. That will cause resentment and depression for you. That said, the problem is not the baby. It is your boyfriend and you, and the fact that you both are obviously not ready to be parents. If you were, you wouldn't be on here asking this. In that sense, your boyfriend's mom might be right, although arbitrarily picking an age is stupid and a waste of time. It is a matter of maturity, not age. Alas, if you are having a baby, then it is too late to worry about that. Worry about making certain your boyfriend holds up his end of the bargain. He needs to help, not hinder you. I highly recommend that you both seek couples' counseling. Good luck!
2007-05-18 07:44:11 · answer #10 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes having a baby changes EVERYTHING!!! That's not a bad thing either, but your not going to be able to treat him as a king anymore, you won't have the energy the baby will take up most of your time, and energy.
Being young is tough too, but different couples experience childbirth differently, nobody's really an expert you just have to talk it out with your boyfriend, about everything, and then even more, and when your sick of trying to figure out all your options you need to talk more to figure out if you two really can Handel having a baby.
Your mom doesn't always know best, but I'm sure she just wants the best for you.
And if someone brings up why hasn't he asked to marry you since you've been pregnant don't really listen to that answer, it's not 1960 people have kids without getting married, and the father is still 100% responsible for both his and your child, with or without the ring only on your finger.
2007-05-18 07:43:52 · answer #11 · answered by m d 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋