If you are sure that you can't have kids for your husband.?

Question

Would you encourage him to have kids by another woman, if you know that he really and desperately want kids of his own and does not want to hear anything about adoption. He is sweet, caring and I tell you, any womans dream man.

Answer 1

That's a personal decision between the two of you in your relationship.

No one can answer that question for you two.

Answer 2

This is more than a question of having kids. It is a question how much you two love each other, what you each are willing
to do for the other and what you want out of life. You may love each other immensely, but this may be an issue in which you two just can't agree on and may very well end your marriage.

He obviously wants children that are his own. The question is why can't you or won't you give him this. If you can't, have you exhausted all feasible options? If you won't, why won't you? There are reasons some women don't want to have biological children of their own. Will he be a good father if you adopt children? Are you willing to live without children? It's much harder when you can't and want to. Help him understand how you feel and how he makes you feel when he desires something that you can't give him.

He should also be asking himself questions based around those questions. Also, can he live without kids since he won't consider adoption. Maybe he will choose for adoption over losing you. Try to understand where he is coming from. This may come from the future he always envisioned, like how most women look forward to their perfect day (i.e. their wedding day). He may feel like less of a man because he can't get you pregnant, which while seeming ridiculous is something serious to consider. His desire may even be having kids with YOU, not just having kids of his own. His desire may include experiencing the pregnancy with you, experiencing that part of life.

You should also consider whether you will separate over this issue. I'm against divorce, but people have different goals and desires in life and they are not always compatible, and not always for reasons beyond their own control. One of you may decide that you love the other so much that you will give in to their wishes. Or you may both desire something different out of life and be forced to go in different directions pursuing something and someone else.

You sound like you're fine with being the mother of kids that are of your husband's and of another woman. Remember that there are always other ways to having kids with another woman that don't necessarily include having sex with her, even if you don't have the money for in vitro fertilization. After all, the sperm only has to enter the vagina, and there's nothing saying that the penis has to as well. Just remember that sperm can't live for more than a few hours in the open air.

Addendum: If you do choose to let him have kids by another woman not by in vitro, but rather by having a threesome, I don't think that there is anything he'd be more appreciative about (seeing as how that is one of the biggest fantansies of men) and that could be a huge "compromising" chip in future decisions to be made. It does, however, depend on your level of comfort in such a thing, but it is just an idea.

Answer 3

it depends why you can't have kids. If the problem is because you're not ovulating, you could still carry a baby. They can use his semen and eggs from someone else and then implant the embryos in you, so you would be giving birth, and the kid would be his.
If the problem is caused by your inability to carry a pregnancy to full term, then you're kinda stuck.
I don't think it's right for him to have kids with another woman, but to be honest, it did cross my mind... it sounds tempting but I don't think it would be good for your marriage.
So if I was in that situation, the answer would be NO.
I agree with what teach had to say: This has been tried before with disastruous consequences: Abraham and Sarah in the Bible. She told him to have a kid with her slave and call it her own, but it lead to big problems. This is why arabs and jews kill each other to this day.

Answer 4

There are other options. have you seen a specialist for couples that have problems conceiving. There are other options.Such as invetro fertilization. I have a friend who is tired a lot of other options. The only major problem your husband and yourself could have is that at the last minute the women could change her mind. I work in a hospital and I have seen this happen. Check out all your options before encouraging choosing the option of having a child by another women.

Answer 5

If he was truly sweet and caring he would consider how bad it makes you feel that you can't give him children. A child does not have to be related by blood to be his own. If he truly wants a child then he will consider adoption because that child would love him as if he had created them himself. I'm sorry you can't give birth to babies but you can still have a child of your own. Any child you choose would be your own. I'm sorry to say that your husband is thinking of what he wants and not what you need as a couple. He needs to let go that he won't have natural born children and take your hand in his and adopt. He won't be sorry. If he is still adamant on his own blood child then is he thinking of yours and his needs or just his needs because that is not a marriage.

Answer 6

I don't think a man that would rather have a child with another woman is not a sweet, caring or any woman's dream man.

Answer 7

In my opinion, both of you need to understand that you not being able to have kids not only makes it your problem but his as well. He needs to stand by his wife and be very supportive, not selfish to the point where he is considering in having kids outside of marriage. There is women that will get pregnant by artificial insemination, i forgot what they are called but she wouldn't have nothing personal to do with the male. That for instance is ok but for him to runoff and find someone else that is capable of having children and get into a sentimental of sexual relationship just so he can finally have a kid he can call his own is very selfish. Never put yourself in a position where someone else has the upper hand!! good luck..

Answer 8

I think this is a recipe for disaster! It will lead to jealousy and feeling of inadequacy on your part. He needs to love you and respect you, that includes your inability to have children. He may have to consider not having a child at all if he isn't willing to talk about adoption. There are new treatments for infertility and some other options too. Go to a fertility expert, if you can afford it.

Answer 9

I would suggest adoption becuz if he has kids from a different woman than he would pay more attenation towards the other woman because she would be the birth mother of the kids

Answer 10

Give him the choice..if he truly loves you it might be enough for him to go through life not having any..and yes there is other options.. you sound like your welling to keep a hold of him throughout this... you didn't say why you couldn't have kids, can't you carry? many things out there that you could try, maybe you both can find something ...but give him the choice.

Answer 11

Personally he doesn't sound sound like any man for me. This is you marriage your talking about so what the real question for yourself would be how would I feel if he had a baby with a another woman? are we talking the natural way or insemination?