Do I leave my husband of 7 years or do I stay? If I stay how do I fix it.?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 7 years. Happy for the first 3. Things have been slowly going bad over the years. We have both been bad to each other. He has been abusive towards me and I have cheated on him. We have an 8 year old daughter. We are separated and things are tense right now. I can't help but think of the future we could have had and I miss him. Should I continue with this separation, or try and find away back into his heart.

Answer 1

You need to go into couseling to see if you can iron out the problems, but understand that things don't always work out and you may need to call it quits

Answer 2

These kind of questions are really hard to honestly answer since we are getting only half of the stor and really need both. What does your husband want here is the biggest question. If he feels the same way you do then start all over. Sometimes the best solution to a problem is to go back to the basics and start all over. It sounds like the marriage fell into a rut, got too complacent and neither knew what to do to get it out (normal situation nowadays). Just dont stay together for your daughters sake because it never works and things actually get worse. You two do have some bad history between yourselves so this probably wont be easy to do. Firstand foremost if things were to survive you both need to really bury the past and leave it there ( itll come back again someday Ill guarantee) and then start anew, with simple dating like you did in the first place. The hardest part is going to be finding some common area to regrow your relationship on. Again this wont be easy but if you want something youll take a risk, but if you truly want something bad enough youll risk everything. So this all really will depend on exctly how much you both really want this to work out. You know the only other option if thi doesnt sound possible to you. Good luck

Answer 3

The answers right there. "i can't help thinking about the future we COULD have had". I was in something similar twice. Don't even entertain the idea of going back. You 2 have too much bad history together on both sides. I wasted 20 yrs. w/my last ex trying to "fix" him and myself. I ended up doing ok. Him, I have no clue even tho we parted as friends, I don't hear from him and have -0- idea of where he is. But you seriously need to stay out of that situation and your little girl too. She's at the age where it's especially damaging because she understands what is going on. People think they can hide it from the kids, but kids are not stupid. You already made the initial break, so stick with it and try to get your life on an even keel now. If you go back, it will only start up again. Try to work it out on a friendly basis with him if you can because of your daughter. My ex had all the $ and he bribed my daughter away from me. She was 12 the last I spoke to her on the phone....She's going to be 23 this year and I have -0- idea where she is or anything. I'm sure she's a snob because despite all my efforts to keep her grounded, her dad made sure she wasn't. So I hope it works out for you. It's not easy believe me. But you will make it. And when you don't think you have the strength anymore, your daughter will give you some....because I'm sure she doesn't want to see her parents like that either. I wish you all the luck in finding happiness. I think at 48 I'll still be looking 'til I die....Hang in there tho.

Answer 4

I think you truely know the answer to your own question.... Its whether you are willing to work at it or just quit, both ways are hard. I would suggest you work at it. The number one reason why alot of marriages get to this point is that couple don't want to deal with the hurt in their relationship.
Your relationship has a ton of hurt with both sides, you are on this crazy cycle (he does something hurtfull, you don't feel loved so you inturn hurt him and he doesn't feel respected so he does something unloving ...... and it will really get rolling) that will eventually end in a seperation because you both will be so miserable with the other. The hardest part is stepping into the ring and saying that you'll fight for it (not literally) but that you will do whatever it takes to get off the cycle of hurt, alot of relationships end up in a divorce because no one can drop there pride and say "I'll fight for it". You might need some counseling. You really need more emotional communication, because I bet you both don't know what the other person is feeling.
Also show your daughter by your actions, what it is to be a wife, because even if you don't believe me now, your daughter will be just like you in everything you do. Just something to really think on.

Answer 5

No one deserves abuse...No One! I don't care what the situation is, unacceptable. (I just needed to make that clear) Anyway, 7 years is a long time to be with someone; good or bad. They become like breathing in a sense. But things can change. 7 year itch is a very real thing and is peeking it's ugly head. Think about this and make your decision based on what you feel is good for you and your daughter. First, you don't want her to think that it is okay for someone to beat on her in the name of love. Second, what if you have the same future as the past that you two have had? You can think of how you would like it to be, but if you don't have a partner who sees it the way you do, than it's only a dream.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

If you really can fix your marriage, that would obviously be the best way to go. But, if you really dont feel like this is something that can be fixed I would suggest to just continue on with the separation. I know that would probably be the hardest thing in the world for you to do right now, but If its not something that you two can fix and you stay in it, you will only be hurting your self and your daughter. I wish I could tell you something that would fix everything : ( but, no one can. I wish you the best and I hope that everything works out! Good luck!

Answer 7

well i kind of think both of u owe the other an apology especially u since u cheated on him.,,this is grand and him forgiving u if he knows about it is great but maybe he has some hidden feelings of anger about this.
Seek council, have u thought about that?
and yes it would be a great idea to try to find ur way back to his heart. after all whats really bad about him or u that u both cant work out? Good luck

Answer 8

If he has been abusive to you he may become abusive to your child. This needs to be the major factor in your decision. Are you willing to go back into an abusive relationship? Have you and he tried marriage counseling? Try talking to each other without fighting and see what happens. If you really want to try to get the marriage you once had back I would suggest "dating" again to see what happens. Communication and trust are the key.

Answer 9

I think you should already know what caused the problems and how to fix it if you wrote that he has been abusive and you cheated on him. Unfortunately, you have an 8 year old, watching this?

Do you have any idea what marriage even is? You both have to be in LOVE. If your both not in love and not willing to save the marriage, then you can't fix anything.

Just try and act like parents and focus on your child.

Answer 10

The abuse concerns me!! I think that people can change and grow up, but are you sure he has done this? The last thing you or your child needs is to go back to an abusive relationship.

Only you know the circumstances in your relationship. If you love him and you are convinced that he won't hurt you again, then try to work it out! You both have to be committed to making it work, or it won't!

Answer 11

If he is abusuve, you should stay away. Consider your daughter. You dont want her in an abusive relationship with you do you? Sure, he could change, but he needs to go to counseling first. If he can manage with that for awhile and you still want to give it a go, then go for it. Just be careful, I hate to think of your little girl witnessing abuse or becomming a victim herself.