I have been married since I was 18. I have been with him since I was 16. We have 2 small children. We have had some really rough times, I have been pushed, he has thrown things at me and his mouth is ridiculous. Last night was my graduation and he was so mean and unsupportive. He did not want to participate because it did not benifit him directly. The class had a party and he would not let me go. He is very controlling, manipulative and jealous. I was raging mad by the time I got home. I left riding for a while just to cool off. He found me and followed me. he rode the back of my car for a while then pulled up beside me and swerved at me. He rode in the oncoming traffics lane for a while and when a car came I slowed down to let him in my lane. He slammed on his brakes in the middle of the road and got out of the truck. I went aroung him and kept going. This type of thing is typical of our relationship. Should I continue to put up with this for my kids? They honestly love their daddy.
2007-05-18 06:34:15 · 24 answers · asked by M. Nurse 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As I was reading the responses I felt the need to add that things are better than they were initially. I have told him to straighten up or get out. Things are better but still not good enough. Yes, I love my kids more than the air I breathe. He has never hurt them, they do not see us argue anymore. It has been over a year since they have seen us even raise our voices. They were not with me during this ride because I planned to go to the party. I have been seperated from him numerous times. He cries, the kids cry, we go to counseling and things are great for about two weeks. It is always the same stuff. I do not however feel like I need a restraining order. I need a divorce and I am too afraid to be alone. I know this is silly, I am a great catch, I just want my husband to notice I am the best thing to happen to him. We have our good times too, playing in the yard with the kids, going to the zoo ect.. We even have really good sex on the days he treats me like a person.
2007-05-18 07:06:20 · update #1
I have been there done that. You should get out as fast as you can, Contact the police and let them know what he is doing. Your kids will grow up and hate you for staying. It destroys the kids. So think of what is in their best interest. Seeing abuse is not a good thing. Think about this one do you want your children growing up thinking that is how a normal relationship is. I didn't so i got out Fast. My little one is 7 yrs she was 3 when this happened to me she still remembers details. You never know when he might lash out at the kids. Or he might hurt them trying To hurt you . So please get out. Good luck and god bless. I know how hard it can be.
2007-05-18 06:44:19 · answer #1 · answered by COUNTRY GIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Contact a local womans help group immediately. This guy is out of control. Unfortunately, this is what happens when a couple marries young andneither has really experienced life yet. He cant handle the extreme pressure of being married with a family and hes taking it out on you and is extremely dangerous in going about it. Staying together for the kids will not work here as he has alot of growing up to to before being a husband and a father. You may need to get a protective restraining order against him for you and the kids protection. You and your kids really do need to get away from him now and the groups will help you do exactly that. You will probably end up divorcing him but the kids will be awarded to you no matter what with child support and he will probably lose his visitation rights for awhile til he can behave himself and then he might get supervised visits. Just tell the kids that daddy had to go away for a little while. He will not change by himself and only will get worse here so get the help you need now and dont worry about him. Notify the authorities if you need to, but do whatever you have to to keep yourself and the kids safe, but do it now. Good luck
2007-05-18 13:49:19 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
these things get worse, they don't get better. It is good that you understand the importance of the relationship between the kids and their father but letting him abuse you is sending them the wrong message. You need to leave and soon. You can make it so the kids still see and live with their father part time. It's hard work but allowing children to grow up learning that they should tolerate abuse is a failure in parenting. Children who grow up this way learn that it is okay for their mates to treat them abusively and I know that is not what you want. There is a wonderful happy and peaceful world out there. Go find it.!
2007-05-18 13:43:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course your kids love there dad.He is dad!
But you are as blind as your kids..
Is this how you want to be treated?
Of course not,is it? THEN
Is this how you want to teach your kids how to live and be treated? THEN
Who are you really hurting ? Is this what you "call" love?
Will your kids learn to love in such matter?
Will your kids hate and not respect you or follow your steps?
I mean what other choice's do you have?
I suppose he won't do it again..Oh, he has never told you that before, right?
Do you really believe that this should be your life?
Are you happy?
Sometimes?
Not when he does those things,right?
He might as well put a gun to head and ask you what you want?
You better wake up and notice the smell of crap and clean it up or you will sit and be drenched in self feces....
Get away from that nut case..Your a good mother with feelings and deserve GOOD for self and your kids...
Show them right..GET AWAY..Put a restraining order against him and show your children how to be RIGHT in life and take them to church KNOW GOOD and direct correctly.......
2007-05-18 14:41:20 · answer #4 · answered by Contorted Brains 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's abusive. Leave. He could hurt or kill one of your kids if you stay with him. They may love their daddy, but if their daddy loved them, he'd treat their mother like a queen. He may kill you in front of the kids. Please leave and file restraining order. Don't accept apologies, because they are just full of crap. He won't change unless he wants to and if he wants to change, he'll get help, and nit will be on his own volition, not court ordered. Now you can talk to other young people about why getting married before 25 is such a bad idea. Young people tend to make bad choices about partners and they are infatuated, not in love. Their infatuation distorts reality about the other person. Go home to mom and dad if possible.. Or to another relative. Just GET OUT before he kills you or the kids.
2007-05-18 13:45:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs help.
if he doesn't agree that he needs counseling, then u need to leave him. think of it this way.. if he hurts You, how can u take care of the children?????
yes they love their daddy...but that doesn't mean he is a Good daddy and husband. u need to do what is Right. don't show ur kids that hitting their wives and threatening them and putting them down is the "right" thing to do!!! if you have values and standards, then ur children can learn from that.
get some counseling. if he won't, contact the police or battered women's shelters, they can give u advice. ur husband is a Bully. u really do need to grow a backbone, for Your sake as well as the Children. then u need to have standards and not get married until u find a MAN who is willing to treat you right, and you can learn to respect.
good luck
2007-05-18 13:43:05 · answer #6 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should have called the cops on this psycho a long time ago. If you continue with this man, he will almost certainly either kill you or seriously injure you. Is that "good for your kids".
MOVE OUT TODAY! Stay with a family member and file a restraining order against him. If you have no family that will help, call your local domestic violence center and they will help you find safe housing until you can get on your feet.
Good luck!
2007-05-18 13:40:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is not going to change. he will be the same until something happens. he tried to kill you sweetie. there are no ifs ands or buts about it. why would you even considered waiting for him to be the good husband. he is jealous of you because you got your diploma. ( i applaud you for that). leave him now before it is too late. it will not do your children any good watching mommy get beat up by a man that they really love.
****so now you are justifing the abuse. again he was trying to KILL YOU last night. there are always good times when he is happy. what you need to do is leave. you are asking for advice and you are justifying this. you tell him to shape up or ship out but it only lasts but for a short time. you can make it on your own if you wanted to. and you are never alone in this world. there are places that help women everyday in situations like yours. please wake up before he kills you.***
2007-05-18 13:58:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Putting up with that is not helping your kids one bit. Either get counseling or get out. All this is doing is teaching your kids that this is a fine way to treat your spouse. Wouldn't you rather they grew up in a loving home so they could go on to be loving partners in successful relationships?
2007-05-18 13:42:06 · answer #9 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No but you will need support contact domestic viloence they can and will help you. Your kids can still love their dad, but it doesn't mean you have to put up with that BS, I've been there done that for 10 years 3 kids, I left he is in jail I'm married to a wonderful guy, things didn't like to promising for me for a while, but believe me life is better without him controlling me and beating me up. Good Luck. Feel free to email me if you wanna talk.
2007-05-18 13:44:15 · answer #10 · answered by shorte716 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋